Embarrassing, Awkward and Miscellaneous: Dick joke

Dick joke

By awilson - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see me with my hand on my crotch while angrily muttering, "Where's that little bastard gone?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 330

You deserved it 17 000

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Top comments

MyLifeIsFucked56 1

Friday 11 September 2009 23:13

LMFAO! That happened to me before

Rixxieee 0

Friday 11 September 2009 23:17

wheres the 'like' button when you need it? =P

Comments

Ehko 6

Sunday 26 August 2012 5:02

Oh shit. This was posted on 9/11 :P

ammerhammer 3

Tuesday 30 October 2012 4:22

Haha epic

FluffyWizdom 15

Monday 1 April 2013 4:53

parents should really learn to knock before they barge in

adam97_fml 25

Tuesday 30 July 2013 20:02

This is the hardest I've laughed at a FML.

worldclassrager 39

Monday 20 January 2014 20:45

Wrong word choice...stand up next time...

gingerface81 16

Friday 28 March 2014 4:38

Am I the only one who read it "Mand Ms" when first reading it?

hurley12 30

Thursday 12 March 2015 3:11

Am I the only one bothered when people type MandMs instead of M&Ms

pokysmalls 14

Monday 14 September 2015 22:21

Yeah that really bugged me as well...

amberdea404 28

Wednesday 28 October 2015 5:45

I would understand even if you weren't looking for candy, the ******** is difficult to find.

Keywords

Kids Art Health Birthday Covid Relatable Love Awkward Cars Transportation Family Gross Poopoo peepee Intimacy Sex Neighbours Lonely Dreams Work Management Jealousy Relationship advice Mental health Miscellaneous Friends Abuse Parents Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food

The Top

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 334

You deserved it 3 581

Today, the best restaurant in our neighbourhood is owned by a husband and wife who scream at each other constantly. Everyone thinks it’s funny, so they have a lot of loyal customers. I took a date there but the screaming gave her flashbacks to her own parents, so she hyperventilated and fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 269

The Top

Today, a guy on the street introduced himself as a photographer with a project about women's feet and asked if he could take a photo of mine. He showed me his Instagram, which looked legitimate at a glance, so I agreed and followed him. Turns out it's a fetish account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 3 861

Today, I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. A man stopped to help me with a wire hanger. After about 20 min in the freezing weather, he was getting close to unlocking it when I looked over at the passenger door to see that it was unlocked. All the doors were unlocked but the driver's side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 193

You deserved it 39 375

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 992

You deserved it 9 876

Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 309

You deserved it 2 813

Today, while working at Lowe's, I had to deal with a situation in one of the bathroom aisles. Unfortunately, it wasn’t someone sitting on one of the toilets. It was two guys fucking in one of the shower displays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 773

You deserved it 354

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 997

You deserved it 1 898