Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML
Today, I've been babysitting a 4 month-old for two days. This has made a great impression on my cat, because now I can't sit down without him jumping up and licking my face until I pat his butt and rock him like the baby. FML
Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
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Top comments
martin4770 0
#1 I wouldn't go back
GoddessDigi 12
..And this is the reason my husband may interact with our child, but not actually TEACH her anything. He'd do this, I know he would. FYL, she's too smart.
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Comments (122)
ToxicMoo33 18
Nope. I'd call it quits.
sethr_di 15
genius
247pacient 11
I hope I raise a child this ingenious one day :')
LyricaSilvan 30
Unless you planned on licking the stairs, (or really believe a little kid has the balls to hit you in the mouth with a bat,) you really didn't need to worry about it...Pretty sure most food allergies require you to actually EAT the food in question, or at least get it in your body somehow.
fantasyworld 39
Smart kid.
Thasnoxi 8
This kid will be a better strategist than Napoleon some day.
GummyJellyfish 12
Hahahahah i would LOVE to have a child like that omg!! How adorable. I mean sucks for you OP FYL but deng that is the curest little brat ever
IHaveThePower 18
If you can touch peanut butter safely, have her help clean it up and send her to time-out. If not, call the parents.
IHaveThePower 18
Well, you could try bribing her to clean it up with a cookie...but honestly, you could just as well call the parents and explain you didn't actually sign on to babysit the spawn of Satan, and that warrants hazard pay. Your call.
Hangryko 32
And that's when I would have went outside with my stuff, called the cops to supervise her at the station, have them contact her parents, and leave after ensuring they arrive. Why put your life at risk in that situation?