Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML
Today, I've been babysitting a 4 month-old for two days. This has made a great impression on my cat, because now I can't sit down without him jumping up and licking my face until I pat his butt and rock him like the baby. FML
Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
martin4770 0
#1 I wouldn't go back
GoddessDigi 12
..And this is the reason my husband may interact with our child, but not actually TEACH her anything. He'd do this, I know he would. FYL, she's too smart.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (122)
pogum4 0
one time i was babysitting and all the kid wanted to eat was peanut butter and im allergic to is so the kid throw cranberries at me.
paramorefan125 0
whoa.......smart kid
sarcdude 3
I agree with the demon-child sentiments here.
booker980 0
that is AWESOME
crazy4jeter 0
1. How on Earth can a child manage grabbing peanut butter out of the pantry, find a spatula, and practically ice the stairs like a birthday cake without you noticing?! That has to take more than 5 minutes or so... And second, even though it's evil, that child is a genius! Haha!!!!
MrFagHole 0
baseball bat covered in peanuts? noo
RyanZhang22 1
that kid is damn smart. oh, btw, he only did it cuz he saw ur face!!!
diegomanguelo 5
so if you touch it you have reaction
jennifertayli 8
LMFAO !
myagirl 0
wow!........SMART KID!! :D