Kids, Gross, Shoes and Parents: Custom job - FML

Custom job

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 04:00 - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, my toddler threw up on my one week old pair of white shoes. FML

agreeclassic 306

vote type 1 222

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Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 04:12 - United States

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

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Smells like Toddler Spirit

By anon - 06/03/2017 00:00

Today, a toddler threw up on my backpack mid-flight. FML

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By awkward drunk - 29/01/2011 12:40 - Canada

Today, while trying to act sober in front of my parents when I got home, I threw up on my mom's shoe. FML

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Sights, sounds, smells

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 12:00

Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML

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Mix and match

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:01

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I couldn't decide between my black or white shoes. I put one of each on, then my son started crying. Fast forward, I'm at church, I look down and I'm wearing one white shoe and one black shoe. FML

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Chain reaction

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 16:01 - United States - Nashville

Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML

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By Felinefine - 15/08/2016 19:33 - United Kingdom - South Petherton

Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML

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Who gave him that?

By Ewyucky - 21/06/2022 06:00 - Canada - Wilberforce

Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML

agreeclassic 649

vote type 1 919

Black out

By Shoeless - 20/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, after I drank way too much, my friend pulled the car over so I could throw up. Next to my pile of puke was a discarded shoe that looked remarkably like one from my favorite pair. When I got home, I realized that my left shoe was missing. FML

agreeclassic 7 376

vote type 1 35 439

By Bob - 20/06/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

agreeclassic 47 086

vote type 1 4 741

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TOP COMMENTS

DLBL 20

Friday 14 March 2025 0:15

Sorry to hear that. You may discover that when you have kids, you can't have anything nice. A locked cabinet for precious items might be a good investment. I'm thinking for Great-gramma's china, nice jewelry, old photographs, white shoes, etc.

Comments

DLBL 20

Friday 14 March 2025 0:15

Sorry to hear that. You may discover that when you have kids, you can't have anything nice. A locked cabinet for precious items might be a good investment. I'm thinking for Great-gramma's china, nice jewelry, old photographs, white shoes, etc.

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Today, my mum, who always wanted more kids than just me, started crying because I'm not pregnant with her first grandchild yet. I'm 16, and this all started because I got my period and I asked to borrow one of her tampons because I'd ran out of my own. FML

agreeclassic 2 271

vote type 1 136

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

agreeclassic 24 552

vote type 1 2 735

Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML

agreeclassic 32 138

vote type 1 3 239

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

agreeclassic 58 291

vote type 1 4 601

Today, I proposed. She immediately said no and then broke up with me. FML

agreeclassic 4 139

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Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML

agreeclassic 31 936

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