Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML
Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML
Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
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Top comments
ohcoolstorybro 14
Miami zombie is real
PlaidPanda 9
Because the cops shot the guy FIVE times before he went down, I'm guessing one of them was in the head.. Have you heard about the mother eating her baby, the dude eating his roommate, and there have been a few other ones out there too. I don't believe this is a "zombie pandemic" but some freaky shit is going on.
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Comments (361)
kestaa_fml 3
That's not such a bad idea. But he should have worked on it on his days off and kept his job to pay for more emergency supplies to put in it: Instant meals, water, chemical and biological water purifyers, gas masks, thermal silvers, a tent in case you have to flee your shelter, etc. And I'm not joking on this. This is all stuff I plan to start collecting.
IBeLikeBitchPlz 0
Hell Yeah I Live In Miami,So If Some Dawn Of The Dead Type Shit Happen,Im In Call Of Duty Mode..**** Dat..
Nick_Cuesta 0
Yes The Miami "Zombie" Is Real But It Was Bath Salts That Burned His Organs And Made Him Go Crazy To Eat That Guys Face, He Wasn't A Zombie
power6053 4
I don't blame him in Miami a man had his face eaten off, his attacker then took 6 bullets, it more likely he was on meth than a zombie. if I had a life to waste I would do the same.
zibzoobakanoon 0
he's right!
MsMeiriona 2
Obviously someone doesn't pay enough attention to the crazy shit that happens in Florida all the time. And bath salts aren't new, I've been hearing bath salts stories for at least a year now. They almost always involve naked.
Foxtails 6
Half of my acting class is convinced the zombie apocalypse is upon us
princessdee62 4
Omg your hubbie sounds like my bf...
nognom 2
Where do you live. Can I get I'm on that shelter.
ChubbyNicki 6
There was actually a man in Florida who was shot 6 times while eating another man. He wouldn't stop until they shot him in the head an killed him.