Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML
Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML
Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML
Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML
Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
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Top comments
Ninjaface 0
Whatever you do, do NOT make a sarcastic comment about getting a urinary tract infection and/or tapeworms!
shelboo_fml 0
A fort in the bathroom with a can of frebreze.
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Comments (103)
_cexar 0
maybe you should go around very quickly with a bucket in your hand
Corrupt_Tears 0
LMAO. In high school, I missed a bio test. I skipped it on purpose because I needed more time to study and everybody in my school does it, some even more than me! Anyways the teacher's never ask for doctor notes. Anyways this teacher did after, she handed back the test fully marked. So I made an appointment and I told her the extact same story, and asked if she could give me a doctor's note. Her reaction : OH DEAR!
Hillbilly_Deluxe 3
if i were you, i would plug in my laptop, grab my headphones and not leave the bathroom
icklecherri 0
haha ive never laughed so much in my life !!
aquasat 0
BEEN THERE DONE THAT... 1rst time... was doing both @ the same time.. then 2nd. vomited so hard i popped a blood vein in my eye
teri99 0
wow
Phobic_fml 14
i've had that. for two days, every 30 minutes like clockwork i puked and shat my guts out at the same time. luckily my bathroom was such that i could toss into the tub while i sat on the shitter.
yah_idk 0
LMAO, poor you
ZeroMachine 3
Just sit on the toilet with a bucket under your chin.
Wynton 0
all u gotta do is go at the right speed :D and tape a bucket to your butt while ur sleep!