Miscellaneous: Badass - FML

Badass

By batter--up - 17/02/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom was over on the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said, "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML

agreeclassic 35 731

vote type 1 2 711

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

Very very frightening

By graham - 11/01/2020 14:00

Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML

agreeclassic 1 868

vote type 1 359

By Anonymous - 16/08/2012 21:09 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML

agreeclassic 8 671

vote type 1 47 804

By Dear Lord Save Me - 04/01/2015 03:56 - United Kingdom - Merthyr Tydfil

Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML

agreeclassic 35 179

vote type 1 3 311

By gloomy - 15/08/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

agreeclassic 4 841

vote type 1 836

No touching!

By Noname - 27/01/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

agreeclassic 8 019

vote type 1 23 368

By Anonymous - 16/02/2013 00:39 - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

agreeclassic 39 825

vote type 1 3 781

Sorry Pat

By Kronic - 02/07/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

agreeclassic 14 316

vote type 1 48 688

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 22:00

Today, a bratty kid at Walmart called my mom a "fat bitch" when she wasn't walking fast enough for him. Enraged, I gave him the meanest death glare I could muster and I tore him a new one, right in front of his mother, who then defended her kid, saying that my mom and I should both lose a few pounds. FML

agreeclassic 1 113

vote type 1 270

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

agreeclassic 10 963

vote type 1 71 830

The Protector

By fuck - 14/08/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

agreeclassic 27 882

vote type 1 15 822

Next

TOP COMMENTS

sorcerersinger 0

Wednesday 17 February 2010 9:14

I would expect that from a father. usually moms want their daughters to get married and whatnot.

Apple_Scented 0

Wednesday 17 February 2010 9:13

Wow that's a scary mom xD gl to your future bf

Comments

aishia 5

Friday 4 January 2013 3:32

she must be on her period

FatherofTime87 18

Sunday 9 March 2014 8:39

Become a *****. That'll show her

LUFT 12

Thursday 10 April 2014 21:45

your mother is awesome XD

SeriouslySadBro 7

Thursday 24 April 2014 5:41

**** Block Mom Strikes Again

jeragonm 15

Thursday 12 June 2014 15:50

Oh wow

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

agreeclassic 29 294

vote type 1 5 631

Today, my mom told me how happy she is that I'm living with her. No wait, that was a month ago. Now she tells me it’s “bad timing” that I'm living with her while she potentially has a new boyfriend, because things like me demanding that people tidy up after themselves might upset him. FML

agreeclassic 891

vote type 1 165

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated two years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

agreeclassic 30 652

vote type 1 2 348

Today, I spent about 10 minutes searching frantically for my cell phone, while holding it up to my ear and talking to my friend about my plans tonight. FML

agreeclassic 11 841

vote type 1 42 178

Today, my brother is refusing a life-saving blood transfusion, just in case the blood happens to be deliberately contaminated with a disease by the government to kill him, for knowing aliens secretly made Rishi Sunak Prime Minister. Yes, he’s off his meds again. FML

agreeclassic 1 166

vote type 1 154

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

agreeclassic 27 587

vote type 1 6 900