Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML
Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML
Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML
Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML
Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, after my aunt died and left me everything, I found my heroin addict brother searching my house, demanding his share of the money. He thought I had it in cash, so I called the cops. Now our mom is mad at me because a good brother would have given him something. FML
Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML
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Top comments
memo619 0
this is priceless :P my mom accused me of being gay because I accidentally slapped her bf's ass xD
JenL_fml 7
Isn't heroin done through needles? o.O
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Comments (228)
Iamkeaten 0
hahaha my dad called me a huffed because I was coloring in a crayola coloring book wish washables! smf parents!
kritz0 10
Thanks. ;) Call me stupid as much as you please dear. I can already tell I am definitely more educated than yourself. Thank you, again.
evilspongebob 0
i usually use ladles : )
missrit 0
You should probably quit stealing teaspoons. Collect forks instead :)
instnt1nfction 17
I like knives
HesJustTheBest 0
I like turtles.
polysyllabist 3
I like Ike
JenL_fml 7
Um... Combo Breaker?
stevenmx86 8
Lmao! That's pretty funny.
Lalala1996 0
If only my mom was that easy going.
tbonea1990 0
it would be crack she would accuse of.
flickyourbic1223 7
No you heat heroin with water, usually 30 to 40 cc's depending on the rig. Spoons don't work as good as cans though, takes too long to heat and cool. My mom flips out if she finds a torn can. Spoons have never crossed her mind..
cuttlefish_fml 0
Come on now, if you're going to post this twice, at least be remotely accurate. 30-40 cc's? You do know that a cc is one cubic centimeter, right? How exactly are you going to fit 30-40 cc's of liquid in a spoon? Who's doing the junk anyhow, a blue whale?
flickyourbic1223 7
Sorry 30 to 40 units on a 1 cc syringe. You act like you'd expect everyone to try it.
cuttlefish_fml 0
Hardly. Have a lot of experience with giving injections to horses due to my line of work, so I'm aware of the sizes of syringes. Just figure if you're going to educate people on the ins and outs of getting wrecked, might as well be correct about it. 30-40 ccs would be some seriously diluted heroin. Ha ha
Miss_Random 0
Wow, what a way to jump to conclusions. Or....maybe you have history with drug abuse to cause her to jump to such conclusions? I don't know. Some information is missing.
SouthernPride95 19
hahahaha
khandi 0
that's terrible!!!! ummm how did ur mom know u needed spoons to do heroin, ppl who use needles or smoke rock use spoons and most common ppl don't know, I know used to be married to an addict and witnessed it first hand.
QueenOfBoredom 0
if someone doent know that then thats sad i dont do drugs but i knew that you use spoons..... just saying