A rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 10/11/2021 19:59

Spicy
Today, despite being on the pill and always using condoms, I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend I want to keep it, hoping he wanted to keep it too. He told me he hopes I enjoy being a single parent, because he absolutely does not want it, but knows I’ll never get an abortion. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 325
You deserved it 453

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Top comments

Pro-choice means it's your choice and you should keep it if you want. He can walk away if he's like that, but his checks need to come see you for the next 216 months!

With regard to “choice”. To state the obvious, while it takes two to make a baby, it’s the woman who gives birth. And single mom or not she is probably the one who will put the most time and energy into raising the child. The consequences of that “choice” fall a lot harder on the mother than the father. A father, intentional or not, does have a financial responsibility to help support his child for typically 18 years. (Note that the mother is generally legally expected to provide half the support for the child. It’s not completely one sided.) Biology and the law is not always “fair”. Once the child is conceived usually the choice of ending the pregnancy is up to the mother. Depending on state laws, in some cases the father might have a say if the pregnancy is terminated in terms of preventing that termination. But the father never gets to legally force the mother to terminate the pregnancy. No doubt plenty of guys have attempted to “persuade” the mother to be to terminate the pregnancy, but ultimately that is the most they can do. And it doesn’t matter if the guy wants to pay child support or not - They can and will be forced to. Finally, please do not misunderstand me. A situation like this is difficult at best. There are no great choices. I am of the personal opinion that an abortion is not a good thing, but there are cases where it seems the least bad option. Becoming a single parent affects everyone for a long time, especially the mother, but also the child. If Mom is unable or unprepared to raise a child there are only two other options - abortion or adoption. As an adoptive father I can say that adopted children will generally be given all the love of a natural born child (I have one of each). But it’s not an easy choice to give away a child you have given birth to - I understand that. And it’s not an easy choice to terminate a pregnancy (the earlier the better). Either of those can have a serious emotional toll on you. I have sympathy for OP.

Comments

Pro-choice means it's your choice and you should keep it if you want. He can walk away if he's like that, but his checks need to come see you for the next 216 months!

Pro choice should be for both parents. Why can the woman walk away but not the man?

Because that's not how the law works.

Choose a vasectomy if you don't want kids then.

Because the man doesn’t have to carry the fetus for nine months or go through the emotional and physical trauma of an abortion

Nikki, please be careful with the words you choose. The way you put it makes it sound like abortion is always a traumatic event when it's not. In this case I can imagine it would be since it seems she wants to keep it, but most of the women are actually fine physically and emotionally and I'm pretty tired of the "trauma propaganda". And I agree with Bravodelta. If she decides to keep it, she does it knowing her boyfriend will leave. It's HER choice. It's not fair for him since he made it very clear.

Gosh, this is getting more serious than I intended! Can't we be jokey and say stuff like "I hope you mean EX boyfriend" or the old "sounds like a shitty situation?"

I’m speaking from personal experience, I didn’t want my pregnancy, I still experienced days of bed ridden physical pain and my emotional state was very bad for a long time afterwards, wanting it doesn’t mean you don’t experience the trauma. I’m also speaking for the many patients I’ve cared for that wanted it but still felt that trauma

Nikki, that's the problem. You're speaking from YOUR experience and the few people you know and make it sound like it's a universal fact when in reality, again, most of the women are fine. I understand you had a bad time and others too, but please, keep in mind that it's your personal experience of it.

Please don’t take my trauma away just because you think it’s not always traumatic, your words may make people think that they don’t deserve to feel the trauma they experienced. My words didn’t hurt anyone I’m also speaking as a nurse whose looked after many, not few, women whose medical abortions turned surgical because of problems they experienced, meaning they came into hospital experiencing extreme physical pain on top of the mental trauma they were already going through.

You have my sympathy, despite being responsible you wound up in this situation. It seems there are no great choices for you or your boyfriend. I wish the best for you. By the way you might consider adoption as a possibility - Though I understand that’s not an easy choice either.

Sucks he feels that way, but you need to make sure he pays you monthly for the next 18 years.

Hi OP, do you see yourself making more than 240,000 dollars over the next couple of decades? because that's around how much it takes to raise a child to adulthood. Please consider if you have the resources. A mother's love knows no bounds but it doesn't pay the rent, or doctors' bills

Why is everyone who’s supports pro choice only supportive for the woman? Why doesn’t the guy get walk away if he wants?

it sounds like he is walking away from it?

But yet if he does he is expected to pay child support for 18 years on something that seemed very much discussed that he doesn't want have children as she mentioned that he knows she would never get an abortion. I think that's what the person is talking about more so than the ability to just walk away from it.

Because the woman doesn't "walk away." After an abortion, there's nothing to "walk away" from, that is, not abandoning a child (not including adoption). Meanwhile, this man is deserting his pregnant girlfriend and future child like the @$$ he is. I hope OP sues him for child support.

With regard to “choice”. To state the obvious, while it takes two to make a baby, it’s the woman who gives birth. And single mom or not she is probably the one who will put the most time and energy into raising the child. The consequences of that “choice” fall a lot harder on the mother than the father. A father, intentional or not, does have a financial responsibility to help support his child for typically 18 years. (Note that the mother is generally legally expected to provide half the support for the child. It’s not completely one sided.) Biology and the law is not always “fair”. Once the child is conceived usually the choice of ending the pregnancy is up to the mother. Depending on state laws, in some cases the father might have a say if the pregnancy is terminated in terms of preventing that termination. But the father never gets to legally force the mother to terminate the pregnancy. No doubt plenty of guys have attempted to “persuade” the mother to be to terminate the pregnancy, but ultimately that is the most they can do. And it doesn’t matter if the guy wants to pay child support or not - They can and will be forced to. Finally, please do not misunderstand me. A situation like this is difficult at best. There are no great choices. I am of the personal opinion that an abortion is not a good thing, but there are cases where it seems the least bad option. Becoming a single parent affects everyone for a long time, especially the mother, but also the child. If Mom is unable or unprepared to raise a child there are only two other options - abortion or adoption. As an adoptive father I can say that adopted children will generally be given all the love of a natural born child (I have one of each). But it’s not an easy choice to give away a child you have given birth to - I understand that. And it’s not an easy choice to terminate a pregnancy (the earlier the better). Either of those can have a serious emotional toll on you. I have sympathy for OP.

What part of wearing a condom could possibly make you think he would want a kid?

I would immediately have an abortion if I were you. Assholes should not reproduce - I will have a baby with a good man.

Why is he an asshole? They used double protection, in which part of the world does this mean he wants a kid? If they never discussed having kids together and since this is an accident, why should he be forced to accept it?

Since this is an accident, let's talk about an accident. Imagine a girl losing her leg after a car accident and her boyfriend saying "now since you lost your leg, enjoy being single". An asshole indeed.