By Anonymous

3spooky5me

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2520

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216

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Animals

Serial killer

Cake is everything

Midlife crisis

By Sara246 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he asked which girl I'd found out about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42505

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3635

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19871

You deserved it

1416

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By Anonymous - Germany - Paderborn

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go to the airport with me, to see me off for my three-month stay abroad. He said no because the two-hour drive is "too boring". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25520

You deserved it

2532

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By shredded - United Kingdom

Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10298

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56019

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By unworthyoflove - 9/6/2020 14:07

Parenting 101

Today, I told my parents that I was going to stop being so hard on myself all the time. They responded by calling me a narcissist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1276

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By username - 6/6/2020 08:04

Keep out

Today, my social awkwardness got to an all-time high when I hoped that I wouldn't get the job that I applied for, because I'd be working with the public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1278

You deserved it

317

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By GD - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

298258

You deserved it

67232

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By what did I raise?! - 19/3/2021 06:01 - United States

Daddy's little girl

Today, my daughter asked to use my phone to find hers. Instead, she sent multiple messages to my boyfriend, trying to break up with him. When asked why she did it, she said it’s because she wants me to get back with her father. This would be somewhat understandable if she wasn’t 32 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1194

You deserved it

102

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By "catty_13"

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4009

You deserved it

255

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44494

You deserved it

10175

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By whymyroomthough - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43095

You deserved it

3206

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By anonynomi - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24921

You deserved it

1583

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37106

You deserved it

2552

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By kelly.duggan - Canada - Carleton Place

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42582

You deserved it

11769

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By hate

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4152

You deserved it

434

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By girlllll - Denmark

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28252

You deserved it

5778

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By little tooth - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32829

You deserved it

9325

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By JustMyLuck - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19880

You deserved it

51909

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45274

You deserved it

5597

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By Noname - United States

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31165

You deserved it

4200

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a hike. It had snowed the night before so I wore warm clothes. They didn’t help when I slipped and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3014

You deserved it

461

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By queenbee12345678 - United States

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9900

You deserved it

26286

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By Anonymous - United States - Gonzales

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out and threatened to get a restraining order after I called him an asshole. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and over 1,000 miles away from my parents' house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42784

You deserved it

9167

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By lulupie

Today, I went to a job interview. I really needed the job to keep my apartment. As I was being interviewed, the manager looked past me and stared off into space. There goes the job and my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14971

You deserved it

1132

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By CasaDeLoser - United States - Kent

Today, my kid made a new friend at school. When I asked her to describe her new friend, she said, "She looks kinda like you, only pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30974

You deserved it

3295

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By Quest for fun

Today, I was on a bus traveling from Denver to San Francisco with my boyfriend. We hoping to see some amazing sights and escape from stress. However, the bus breaking down in the middle of the desert and being forced to stay in a ratty motel was neither an amazing sight, nor stress relieving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4316

You deserved it

367

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By Joe - United States

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34617

You deserved it

22327

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By Amber C - United States

Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15938

You deserved it

22873

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By Beaky - Canada

Today, I found out it takes no special training to put a large glass marble up my nostril but may require someone with a medical degree to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7090

You deserved it

49839

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 14:01

Poor little guy

Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

837

You deserved it

124

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By grossgross - United States

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51452

You deserved it

5506

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By LawSchoolBoi

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2084

You deserved it

177

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By singlegirl - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and their boyfriends were seated at one table, while I, as the only single girl in the group, was put on a table with all the other single people. They were all over forty years older than me. I feel like I have seen my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34472

You deserved it

3090

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36362

You deserved it

8336

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By Travolta - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. I tried dancing in public for the first time ever. Judging by the whispers, stares and giggles, I'm never doing it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31588

You deserved it

5160

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By screwedhousemate - United Kingdom

Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33827

You deserved it

4254

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By Somessedup - United States

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56904

You deserved it

4582

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By bunkbed - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32966

You deserved it

3857

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By funnnyyyyy -_- - Nepal - Kathmandu

RIP

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26799

You deserved it

6482

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By Anonymous - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31601

You deserved it

5548

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Top comments

By awildwhisper | 30

#7690710 - Monday 10 September 2018 13:20

A random cat on the loose in a house sounds like a catastrophy waiting to happen.

By thisisbutaname | 38

#7690731 - Monday 10 September 2018 14:06

AT least you didn't see a big black dog in an alley

COMMENTS

By awildwhisper | 30

#7690710 - Monday 10 September 2018 13:20

A random cat on the loose in a house sounds like a catastrophy waiting to happen.

By thisisbutaname | 38

#7690731 - Monday 10 September 2018 14:06

AT least you didn't see a big black dog in an alley

By blightsight | 10

#7690738 - Monday 10 September 2018 14:20

Sounds more like a MLIA post. Nobody got hurt.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7690834 - Monday 10 September 2018 16:15

It was ghost pussy 😂😋

By Mightytall | 35

#7690882 - Monday 10 September 2018 18:24

Cats do adopt houses and people, may take a while until he or she realizes though.
And if kittie is nice and doesn’t pee everywhere or destroy the furniture, why not keep her around?
They do kill spiders and bugs and make great couch companions.

By pjsr | 32

#7690908 - Monday 10 September 2018 19:07

Are you sure it wasn’t a mogwai?

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7690956 - Monday 10 September 2018 20:04

Looks like he has a cat now!

By Chazzster | 20

#7691089 - Monday 10 September 2018 23:52

I gotta wonder - Cat, rat, or opossum? How big was that “cat” OP? Were any unscreened windows open?

By protoskore | 27

#7691509 - Tuesday 11 September 2018 16:38

isn't there some blog/website dedicated to "I don't have a cat" stories?