Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML
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Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had not only shredded my favorite couch cushion but had also attempted to eat the TV remote. I have no idea how to change the channel manually. It looks like I'll be watching Animal Planet forever. FML
Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML
Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 35
Bitches be crazy.
tj5810 21
That happens to everyone. *wink wink*
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Comments (127)
Pleonasm 35
Bitches be crazy.
shayshayshazam 14
Noone said the dog was female!
Neonemerld 21
No one said he was talking about the dog, either.
shayshayshazam 14
Gee thanks for that, I was totally unaware of that fact and wasn't at all making a joke regarding the real definition of a bitch.
Pleonasm 35
Aw, shucks. I mutt-n't have read the FML correctly. Can-i-ne try again, or is it to the dog-house for me? My joke looks really a-paw-lling now that you say that.
shayshayshazam 14
Shut up and fetch me a sandwich!
Neonemerld 21
Aaaand you killed it.
imavelociraptor 6
This FML isn't even remotely funny.
RoperGirl203 9
Those are so punny. -_-
gc327072 30
52- agreed, some people act like Doc is the only one allowed to make puns. Ridiculous.
iOceanus 18
62 - Enough with the "punny" joke. It's not funny :P
Nilla_Please 12
I'm still annoyed because even though I have been reading these forever I only just started reading the comments and have never (or I think I haven't) seen this Doc Bastard guy
_krystallynn_ 11
scroll down a little bit. you'll see it.
MDTeddy 13
So my understanding is the gf is judging based on what she saw and not believing what really happened.
tj5810 21
That happens to everyone. *wink wink*
RBntM 10
The dog, riiigggghhhht!
hama806 19
Time for some fun!
onlychildFTW 33
I love those channels! I have 5 in total. 3 straight 1gay 1 lesbian
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Glad you shared your taste in **** with us 76 haha. But for the OP, you shouldn't be ashamed. Either tell her you're really horny or that you were trying to learn some new moves in the the sack for her. Either excuse and you just might get some sexy time. Unless she's a prune and doesn't allow you to watch some ****.
Curiousmaknae 5
This one.. you can blame on the dog.
iseyixes 18
Ahhh the old "The dog changed the remote." excuse. I see....
Pleonasm 35
The dog just wanted to see how humans attempted doggy-style.
Inheritance 10
I'd rush back into the bathroom, and come out shortly after she arrived, and pretend like nothing happened. Though then she'd think I was jerking to the sounds.
decidedlyvague 11
That's the only reason he has a dog.
MsConfusedd 27
That's bad luck, have fun explaining that one!
Neonemerld 21
It shouldn't be too hard if they're both even remotely mature. If you're so insecure in your relationship that finding your partner watching something sexual offends you or makes you jealous, maybe you're just not mature enough for a relationship.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Was remotely a pun?
gracehi 31
The girlfriend could be religious. Religions generally grown upon the viewing of pornography. Also, I don't care if my boyfriend watches ****, but I'd still be pretty stunned to walk in on him doing it, especially if he was expecting me to come over.
gracehi 31
*frown upon. Sorry. My dog apparently hasn't gotten the hang of this swype thing.
DownDownAndAway 0
I think I see a new twix commercial in the making...
wickedninja918 1
haha twix gets all their comercial ideas from fml what are you talking about
Nighthunter 11
Yeah right, " the dog stepped on the remote!"
ohSNAPyall 26
You're still paying for the Hustler channel.
cray_cray 2
At least it wasn't Maleflixxx or HardTV?
melij99 5
Your dog was trying to set the mood for the both of you. I think your dog deserves an extra treat for that.
Acik91 26
The dog is obviously male then. If it was female, it'd have gone for Romantica (I guess?), nothing like a latin hot actor throwing flowers and gifts at his beloved on to make a girl horny.
ohSNAPyall 26
The dog threw you a bone. Return the favor.
MrSarary 26
Explain what happened , you's will end up laughing about it
wildsweetchild 19
Animals are smarter than you think...probably payed you back for the time when you blamed the doggy for that pile of poop on the floor.