Nearly FMLs

By Bree12345 - 31/01/2016 23:24 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my husband and I spent the majority of the day arguing about whether it was "a FML" or "an FML". The argument ended with him threatening to file for a divorce. FML

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By singleandreadytomingle - 31/01/2016 22:21 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I saw my girlfriend of a year and a half across the street going into a coffee shop I snuck up behind her and playfully smacked her butt, her other boyfriend beat the shit out of me in front of the entire coffee shop..

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By ravenblue_6 - 31/01/2016 22:13 - United States - Chicago

Today, my Mom told me something. When I was little, she thought I was a hoarder. I saved all of my lollipop wrappers. She was seriously worried. The only reason I saved them was to get a free Dum-Dum t-shirt. When she found out, my sister laughed at me. FML

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By Beller44 - 31/01/2016 22:03 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I realized that my roommate puts things, like my blender, in the oven to dry. The base is melted and destroyed. Apparently, I'm supposed to check the oven before I start baking regardless of whether or not blenders belong in the oven. FML

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By KingDomino - 31/01/2016 21:59 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I stayed up until two in the morning to complete my homework. The next day was an unexpected snow day, and I woke up at six to get ready for school, as usual. I can't get back to sleep. FML.

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By that sucks - 31/01/2016 21:51 - United States - Attica

Today, I walked in my dad watching chicks with dicks porn. He saw me, waved with his penis out and then went back to jerking off.FML

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By tigerthepredator - 31/01/2016 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. The fucker actually had the balls to say that it was a prank. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By leah_kascar - 31/01/2016 21:45 - United States

Today, I got fired because I corrected my boss's grammar. FML

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By TMT - 31/01/2016 21:44 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob, I told her to stop using so much teeth. She got pissed and reacted by biting my dick. I had to get eight stitches, and I can't get "aroused" for four weeks. FML

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 21:38 - United States - Overland Park

Yesterday was my school's winter dance so like any other girl I used fake tanning lotion on my whole body. My date and I hit it off at the after party and when we came back my tan had worn off just around my lips, neck, and chest. Try explaining that to your mom. Fml.

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By ahhhfml - 31/01/2016 21:32 - United States - Miami

Today, I am pooping in the bathroom at Best Buy, and I farted. It wasn't like a noiseless fart. It was like an explosion happened in the bathroom. Someone heard me too and they laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 31/01/2016 21:26 - United States - Peterborough

Today, my Asian dad told me that he plans on voting for Trump because he's "a good businessman." FML

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By InDeepShit - 31/01/2016 21:22 - United States - Washington

Today, I was filming on my quadcopter and a got a sweet shot of a topless girl sunbathing. Too bad it was my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 21:17

Today, my girlfriend thought I was cheating on her. So she did the reasonable thing and sold all my stuff and spent all my money, then vandalized my car and sent it to the girl she thought I was cheating with. I wasn't cheating.

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You deserved it 0

By Hangman - 31/01/2016 21:14 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I lost all faith in finding a decent job after months of constant searching, despite the highest education and various qualifications. In a moment of despair I applied to McDonalds and after few hours even they rejected my application. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 21:14 - United States - Alameda

Today, my brother told my mom he was depressed. She took him to a counselor. When I told my mom I was depressed, she told me I just had bad PMS. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 21:12 - Sweden - Eskilstuna

Today, as I was leaving my boyfriend's place, I blurted out "Love you. Bye!" As it dawned on me what I had just said, I gave off a nervous laugh and followed it up with "Pffft! No, I don't!" and ran out the door. FML

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By coop the troop - 31/01/2016 20:49 - United States - Hood River

Today, I was trying to shave my face but the razor wasn't working, after several minutes of me trying to shave and gliding the blade across my face, I looked at the blade and found pubic hair on the blade. I yelled and my dad replied, "sorry son, last night was date night for me and your mom.".Fml..

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By amespos - 31/01/2016 20:48 - United States - Washington

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob when he asked why there were crumbs on his shirt. I was too embarrassed to tell him it was my dandruff. Fml

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By somecollegegirl - 31/01/2016 20:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was yelled at by one of my "friends". Why? Because after I found out she was sleeping with my boyfriend, I told some mutual friends. Her big issue: I told them they slept together on Saturday. This is "so wrong" because it wasn't Saturday. It was once on Friday and twice on Sunday. Fml.

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By thisyua - 31/01/2016 19:59 - Brazil - Campo Grande

Today, out of reflex, I said no to a guy who wanted to make out with me at a club. It's been 4 years since I kissed someone. FML.

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By Dispatcher101 - 31/01/2016 19:58 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, after a night out with some friends, I was laying in my bed still half asleep when I let a very ripe, horrendous smelling fat rip. Turns out I was at my boyfriends place. He looked me dead in the eye and handed me my keys. As I left I heard the dead bolt lock. He now will not answer my calls.

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By mattcy1 - 31/01/2016 19:42 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I strained so hard to take a dump that my nose started bleeding. FML.

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You deserved it 0

By where did i go wrong - 31/01/2016 19:32 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my 17 year old son asked me to buy him a Neopets membership for his birthday. FML.

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By AshlynMarsh12 - 31/01/2016 19:32 - United States - Woodway

Today, I woke up and looked at my clock, thought I missed the bus since it was 7:00. After I was all ready, my mom asked what I was doing. I then realized it wasn't 7:00, it was 1:00, and a Sunday. FML

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By DarthKobu - 31/01/2016 19:31 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I went to go hang out with some old friends who I soon realized had been doing dope. On the way back home, one of them had a breakdown, tricked me into stepping out of the car, and drove away with my phone. He didn't come back for me and it took me an hour to find my way back. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 19:30 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I had a dream my mother was pregnant with twins. This wouldn't be that bad if I didn't already have five other siblings. FML

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You deserved it 0

By tired - 31/01/2016 19:29 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, I went to school exhausted. I stayed up all night to finish a huge assignment that I procrastinated for 2 weeks. When I got to school I was told we had an extra week to finish it. On top of that, I did the assignment wrong so I will have to redo it. FML

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By b-day - 31/01/2016 19:21 - United States - Papillion

Today, is my cousin's birthday. I haven't seen him in ages, so I decided to call him. When he answered, I told him happy birthday, he just said "it's not my birthday bitch. But you can still give me money." and hung up. FML

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By Eurovox - 31/01/2016 19:21 - Mexico - Celaya

Today I have to work an 8 hour shift starting at 3pm with diarrhea, my heavy flow and crampy first day of my period and a cold with an extreme case of faucet nose and teary eyes. There is no replacement photographer. FML.

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, in a serious bid to lose weight, I’ve changed my lifestyle, including throwing away the 20-odd takeaway menus we keep in the kitchen. It’s only been two hours and we’ve already had five new menus from local takeaways delivered through the letterbox. Why, Universe, why do you wish me to stay fat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 368

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 063

You deserved it 2 101

Today, I learned that pregnancy makes me more prone to migraines, but the only pain killer I can take makes me vomit. So I have to choose between being in pain and vomiting for hours on end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 158

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 016

You deserved it 8 339

Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 207

You deserved it 612

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 250

You deserved it 1 444