Nearly FMLs

By Foxy1326 - 31/01/2016 14:42 - United States - Hightstown

Today, my daughters first plane ride ever and our first family vacation ever, my husband got violently ill and spent the whole ride in the tiny bathroom, then our hotel wasn't ready until 4, our flight landed at 9am. We spent the entire day in our rental listening to him moan and bitch, FML

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By Jif_Creamy - 31/01/2016 14:40 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while eating with my family my dad was talking to my sister about how she's doing in school. He knows her teacher,grades everything. and me? he doesn't even know what grade I'm in. FML.

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By ashlyn97 - 31/01/2016 14:36 - United States - College Station

Today, on the 4 hour drive back from my lake house, I had an uncomfortable feeling in one of my shoes. Thinking is was just a sock stuck at the end, I shrugged it off. When we were getting close to home, I finally decided to get the sock out. I grabbed a small suffocated frog from my shoe. FML.

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By So freaking embarrassed - 31/01/2016 14:27 - United States - Louisville

Today, I finally had my first kiss on my very first date. Too bad it was interrupted with my anxiety attack because I couldn't figure out what to do. FML

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By led list - 31/01/2016 14:01 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I found out that my boyfriend had told some of my friends I had a heroin issue a few weeks ago so today when I had an allergic reaction at work and had to go into a closet to use my epi-pen someone saw me and called the police I'm now jobless and my life is in tatters FML

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By OneEyedBro - 31/01/2016 12:50 - France

Today, my brother had surgery to get an eye removed and is recovering from it. His school called and blamed me for making him miss school and making silly excuses. FML

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By Leauge - 31/01/2016 12:28 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I discovered that my teacher has been deliberately failing me because of a crush. No college will take me. FML

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By sorry - 31/01/2016 12:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I found a fifty pound note on the floor. I picked it up, only to be shouted at by some old man. I ran away from him, thinking the money was his, and ran straight into a lamppost. He caught up with me, put the 50 pound note and my wallet into his pocket and ran off. FML

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By xYour_Momx - 31/01/2016 11:43 - United States

Today, earlier my boyfriend failed at turning me on so badly I had to fake it at the end. Though, later, I got hot when watching a girl get raped by an alien and lay eggs in a movie. FML.

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By okthen - 31/01/2016 11:19 - Australia - Artarmon

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend who I dated for five years came into my house while I was sleeping with the key that I forgot to take from her and took my cat then left a note saying she liked it better than me anyway. FML.

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By lucwheel987 - 31/01/2016 10:26

Today, my father told me that he's cheating on my mother and he wants to get the divorce quickly, because his girlfriend doesn't like that he's married. My dad is really upset ,because his lawyer told him he can't get a divorce while my mother is in an asylum. FML.

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By never again - 31/01/2016 09:49 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to my first college party. I got 3 full beers spilt on me, my ass and breasts grabbed by several different guys without my consent, thrown up on, and pushed into a puddle of spilt cheap beer. FML

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By CrushedHopeful - 31/01/2016 09:39 - United States - Seattle

Today I found my wife in bed with my supposed best friend. His wife cheated on him 3 years prior and I helped him get through the angst of his divorce. He f*&ked my wife at my vacation home and I was pretty sure what was happening for 8 months. Finally confirmed my fears. FML

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By Friggins - 31/01/2016 09:38 - United States - Montgomery

Today,my 9 year old decided to become a unicorn..I had to chase her down n rip the 10 inch dildo from her head she glued on her head..I don't own a dildo..FML

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By sifting through the rubbish is gross - not even sure what I am looking for - 31/01/2016 09:31 - Australia - South Morang

Today, I found out my step-dad emptied the bin in my room. Normally I would be very thankful but I had put recyclable shopping bag with various important papers and items I was going to sort through later, on top so it was out of the way. Unfortunately they also went in the bin. FML

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By Rainbow_Rhinos - 31/01/2016 09:24 - Australia - Perth

Today, my period started. I knew it was coming because all yesterday I had stomach cramps and back pain, and I cried when my guitar didn't make beautiful music when I played it. FML

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By pureNed - 31/01/2016 09:08 - United States - Dayton

Today, my girlfriend has woke me up over Skype and accused me of cheating on her and having someone in my bed, and refuses to believe otherwise. I was honestly asleep. I have no idea what happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 08:56 - United Kingdom - London

Today,

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By jaded_seattle - 31/01/2016 08:43 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I was told by my co-worker that I looked like a drunk version of Lindsay Lohan. I just haven't put my make-up yet. FML

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By mybutthurts - 31/01/2016 08:21 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after 36 years of biting my nails I finally quit. While taking a shower I managed to scratch my asshole with my nail, FML

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By Oh really - 31/01/2016 08:19 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I exitedly told my mum about my engagement. She looked at me, shook her head and said "Just to let you know he fucked me first" and walked out. FML

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By stacimarie - 31/01/2016 08:12 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, thinking my father would be happy for me I told him I was engaged. Not only did he hang up on me but he called me back and left me a voicemail screaming at me and calling me stupid. FML

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By rabbyt - 31/01/2016 07:45 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my cat decided to target practice, with her pee, into my open mouth, at 2am as I slept. FML

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By IRule182 - 31/01/2016 07:39 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was playing tennis with my cousin when a guy came up and asked me if I played. I told him I didn't and he said, "Good, don't ever." FML

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By Bugabooloo - 31/01/2016 07:17 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, my mother-in-law said she firmly believes that people who receive disability checks are lazy moochers. This is coming from the woman who is at risk of losing her leg, but refuses to go on disability while she recovers from surgery because she doesn't want people to think she's being lazy. FML

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By liquifiednate - 31/01/2016 07:13 - United States - Chico

Today, as I was finishing up my first app, that I spent most my winter break working on before school started, I was informed from the company that hosts my servers they will be retiring their services. FML

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By qw4rt6yu9 - 31/01/2016 07:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was about to lose my virginity, and I was so nervous that i couldn't get hard. After trying for about 5 minutes I gave up and the drive home was one of the most awkward moments I've had in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 07:04 - United States - Mesa

Today, it's two days away from my birthday. I have two kids and have been married for seven years (been together 9). My only birthday plans are moving out of the house we just bought together at the start of the year because she can't stand to live with someone with chronic depression anymore. FML

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By I'm such a girl - 31/01/2016 07:02 - United States - Salina

Today, my boyfriend planned his own birthday plans. It's at a bar and I'm to young to even get in. FML.

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By anonymous - 31/01/2016 06:34 - United States - Tallmadge

Today, while I was driving with my boyfriend I noticed my pop can in the cup holder. As I went to take a huge gulp I had forgot that he flicked his cigarette into the can of pop. Let's just say I was barfing while driving. FML

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The Top

Today, I was in a supermarket using the self-checkout. I tried to scan a loaf of bread, but it wouldn't register. After several attempts and increasing frustration, I slammed the loaf down on the scanner. The bread tore open, and seeds flew everywhere. An old woman behind me said, "Technology can be hard for the young, too." FML

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You deserved it 586

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 441

You deserved it 4 336

Today, my wife, who often complains about being walked on by everyone, let a person take items from our rummage sale without paying for them and simply walked away. When I asked her why she didn't say or do anything about it, she stated, "I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it." FML

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You deserved it 149

Today, I noticed our weekly biohazardous waste pickup didn't occur as usual at the surgery center where I work. After calling, the company informed me they were short staffed and couldn't make it out 'til next week. Guess that amputated finger is just going to marinate another week. FML

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Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

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Today, I got fired from my job. My boss is my brother. His reason being that, "it would create awkward tension between us." I've been working for him for 5 years, and it's like he's only just realised that I was there. FML

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