Nearly FMLs

By GroupWorkSucks - 30/01/2016 19:48 - United States

Today, I got really excited when I realized February has 29 days this year, since it will give me an extra day to meet all the deadlines looming over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By lauren - 30/01/2016 19:42 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, the only job I've been able to get is part time with a laundry service. I've only been here 3 weeks and the same creepy fat guy has brought in clothes with cum stains all over them every 2 days like clockwork. My boss told me to just get on with it, even the stuff that's hand wash only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 19:39 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my mom requested that I text/call her after I get to my boyfriend's because I'm going to be there around 10:30 PM and she wants to know that I got there safe. I'm 23, I have a full time job and I live by myself. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By FearPenguins - 30/01/2016 19:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to go in after school to make up a speaking exam that brought down my grade to a D. My teacher said I did really good, but couldn't put the grade in because she was busy, which was understandable. It's been 3 weeks and I still have a D. She won't reply to any of my messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 19:20 - United Kingdom - London

Today, My school set up restrictions for prom, one of them was banning white couples. Apparently this is to boost "diversity" and no other groups got any such ban. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By EmojiUniverse - 30/01/2016 18:59 - United States

Today, I tried to flick my retainer off with my tongue and managed to end up almost swallowing it followed by loud gagging and miscellaneous noises, in front of an entire restaurant. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By HeartYou101 - 30/01/2016 18:55 - Ireland

Today, I was in a rush to be somewhere; I had deodorant in one hand and minty mouth-spray in the other. Take a guess which one I sprayed into my mouth, thanks to my flusterfuck of a brain. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 18:51 - United States - Maywood

Today, is my one year anniversary. I bought two tickets to our favorite genre of music. She broke up with me this morning because she is young and wants to travel the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By clockwerk1005 - 30/01/2016 18:34 - United States

Today, I picked up my $400 suit from Men's Wearhouse to wear to my best friend's wedding. As I tried it on today, the buttons on the shirt popped off and the pants tore open down my ass. They won't refund my $400. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By ulen7 - 30/01/2016 18:31 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I found a worm in my toilet, after I had taken a dump FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By NickACD - 30/01/2016 18:28 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I found out my puppy loves me so much that she gets mad when I'm away. She then expresses her anger towards me by chewing up something that she knows belongs to me. This just happened to be my brand new $150 pair of sunglasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 18:21 - United States - Miami

Today, I found out that while I was asleep last night, my mom got a hold of my phone and texted my boyfriend that she had my phone and he better not try anything stupid. We've been going out for a week and now he won't text me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 18:09 - United States - Apopka

Today, I was watching a funny video. Upon finishing I laughed so hard that I threw up all over the couch. I went to go grab some supplies to clean it up just as my sister sat in it. Now I'm being lectured for "lowering her self-esteem". FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 18:07 - United States - Moorpark

Today, my grandma was threatening to kill herself because I wasn't answering her Skype messages. I don't even have a Skype. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By anonymouscheese - 30/01/2016 17:58 - United States

Today, after getting a movie player in our car for the first time, my husband abandoned the passenger seat for the seat behind me with our kids. Hooray road trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By iSamsung - 30/01/2016 17:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother caught me watching Family Guy in my bed with my phone. Being a very overprotective parent, I turned it off before she could see it. In her eyes, I closed a porn tab. Now my parents think I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By hatedbydog - 30/01/2016 17:27 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was supposed to take care of my dog, so I took him out, fed him, then decided it was time for a nap. I woke up half an hour later with sh*t all over the carpet and the trash knocked over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By red_owl - 30/01/2016 17:25 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, I had to explain to my 17 year old friend that snow does in fact come from clouds and not just out of no where. He called me retarded and laughed about how stupid I am with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 17:17 - United States - Portland

Today I found out that my husband has ED and a premature ejaculation problem. Both at the same time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Ifuckedthefeartu - 30/01/2016 16:54 - United States - Round Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me "he needs to think" and has been ignoring my texts. Why? Because one of his friends confessed to liking me last night...I turned him down, but apparently I "hesitated" to much in my decision, there goes trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By KestrelGirl - 30/01/2016 16:49 - United States - San Rafael

Today, I lost my voice after being under the weather for a couple days. Today is also my brother's bar mitzvah. Yep, I'm supposed to give a speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By water water everywhere - 30/01/2016 15:58 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I've resolved to spend the weekend revising my entire senior project. So far, I've gotten an offer of a limited free trial of a video game, an invitation to meet a puppy, a reminder that my favorite movie is screening free this afternoon, and a new season of my favorite TV show released. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Sometimes_I_Want_To_Smack_Him - 30/01/2016 15:53 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, my ignorant 12-year-old little brother threw my cat off his bed. When I made sure my cat was okay, I got EXTREMELY upset at him, and his excuse was "I don't like your cat. You pay more attention to him then you do to me!". Now my mom grounded me for not paying attention to him more. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By apparently retarded - 30/01/2016 15:53 - United States - Irving

Today, my teacher thought that my class was so incredibly retarded that she gave us the assignment to draw a school bus for homework. I am in 8th grade honors math. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Leauge - 30/01/2016 15:18 - United States - Russellville

Today, I found out teacher has a crush on me. So she's been failing me so she could be my tutor. No college will take me not even the community college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By HeatherCorinne - 30/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my doctor started me medication for weight loss. It is supposed to boost my metabolism and give me more energy. Too bad it turns out that I'm "ADHD" so the medication puts me to sleep. Now I'm fat and tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By ConfusedAndSad - 30/01/2016 14:46 - Malta - Melita

Today, my overweight girlfriend told me she decided to lose weight. So I spent some time to help her out, worked out an ideal meal plan for her, exercises, articles to help educate her about weight loss and more. She accused me for not loving her the way she is and dumped me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 14:07 - United States - Winona

Today, after 8 years, a phenomenal work ethic, countless extra projects, a bachelor's degree, and training my boss in at my job, he gave the position I wanted to the new guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By xsnqw - 30/01/2016 14:07 - United States - Newton Highlands

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been taking love thy neighbor a little bit more seriously then intended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By G626 - 30/01/2016 14:01 - Australia - Greenwich

Today, I realised I've developed really strong feelings for this guy I had been seeing casually. Today was also the day he decided to mention he was moving to the other side of the country for a job in a few weeks, meaning nothing could really happen between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 542

You deserved it 6 731

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 719

You deserved it 4 764

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 837

You deserved it 59 850

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 2 065

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 304

You deserved it 2 573

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 849

You deserved it 3 376