Nearly FMLs

By sweetyeliza - 31/01/2016 19:12 - United States - South Ozone Park

Today, I realized that my marriage of the past 6 years has been quite abusive. Due to my high anxiety and fear of change I'm too scared to do anything about it. FML

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By simply_meeeee - 31/01/2016 19:11 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, while reading an exceptionally funny FML, I muttered "that's hilarious". I looked up to see my mom glaring at me. Apparently, in the movie we're watching, someone was brutally beaten and killed with a tree branch. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 19:00 - Ireland

Today, after going out with my boyfriend for over a year he broke up with me because his best friend "gave" me a necklace. It was for my friend he wanted to make sure that she would like it. FML

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By madeheisntmyDestiny - 31/01/2016 18:51 - United States - Richmond

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 6 weeks I made the drive up to see him. Knowing we'd only have five hours together, he spent four and half of those hours playing Destiny. FML

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By Ariseale - 31/01/2016 18:45 - United States - San Jose

Today, I had to sell candy for a fundraiser. I decided not to bring it to church and found out they took out the vending machine today. I would've made so much. FML

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By someone - 31/01/2016 18:45

Today, I overheard my friend talking about his dad who left him and his mum when he was born and me being the curious asshole I went on ancestry to find his real dad when he was next to me and it turned out to be our English teacher, after telling him he punched the guy and we are both suspended FML

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By Fucking rats - 31/01/2016 18:25 - United States

Today, I've learned that I've had rats in my house for so long they've adapted not to fall for mouse traps. FML

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By wolfgurl28 - 31/01/2016 18:17 - United States - Bonney Lake

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't love me anymore and didn't know why he's with me. That wouldn't be nearly as bad if I hadn't put my name on his new truck loan. FML

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By gingerlover01 - 31/01/2016 18:04 - United States

Today, in an attempt to prove that they don't pick my sister over me, my family made pancakes when I started getting sick my grandma says "but Jessica you love pancakes." pancakes mess with my acid reflux and Jessica is my sister. FML

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By fuckthis - 31/01/2016 18:03 - United States - La Puente

Today, after months of hearing her name call and bash on guys I finally decided to call out my lesbian coworker about her bigoted and rude remarks. She went to hr and claimed I sexually harassed her. Guess who got written up. Fml

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By Nick - 31/01/2016 18:02 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I got bullied again. I was picked on, demanded money, and was called a fat bitch. The thing is that the bully is my stepdad and my mom won't believe anything I say. FML.

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By MegaMike - 31/01/2016 17:59 - United States - Babylon

Today I thought it would be a good time to finally tell my very religious family that I was atheist. I was trying to work up the courage when my Mom noticed something was wrong, when I told her I needed to tell her something she said that she would Love me as long as I was good and loved God. FML.

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By Harley - 31/01/2016 17:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had the joy of cleaning up blood that wasn't mine off of the toilet and floor in a shared bathroom. Not the first time this has happened. Last week it was on the wall of the shower. FML

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By WabbyFish - 31/01/2016 17:50 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to scare me by starting her car and putting it into reverse as I was walking up my icy driveway. My dislocated shoulder and broken wrist from sliding out of the way tell another story. FML

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By Jobless - 31/01/2016 17:28 - United States - Richmond

Today I finally got an interview after a year of putting out applications. At the interview I was told I am not social enough to work retail because I don't want to stop working on a task to chat. Apparently I should have said I go to work to stand around talking? FML

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By chefty722 - 31/01/2016 17:20 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I had a customer come in and look at our pins. She was elderly and had a caretaker with her. The caretaker told her today she can't buy anything and looked at me as if to say "don't try to sell to her." I sold the lady a pin anyways. Now the caretaker is calling my manager... FML

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By gusthecat - 31/01/2016 17:06 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I finally told my mom about my girlfriend. The second I mentioned it was long distance she got mad and called her a "temporary internet prostitute." She finalized this rant by saying we probably won't last and stormed off. We've been dating for almost a year and a half.

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By 1350ugh1350 - 31/01/2016 16:58 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I wasn't feeling well. I decided to go shopping. I saw the ugliest dress I've ever seen, and that's when my sickly body decided would be a great time to throw up. Now not only am I embarrassed that I puked I front of a whole store, but they made me buy the dress. FML.

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By Sad person - 31/01/2016 16:55 - United States - Lorton

Today, our state was supposed to have a big blizzard so I decided to not do any of my homework. How much snow did we get? None. FML

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By LizzysOwner - 31/01/2016 16:53 - Canada - Hanover

Today, my nephew needed to talk to me. My grandmother died Friday, and he was worried that he'd never see me again, since heaven is so far away and I live so far away. His parents are Atheists, who apparently didn't bother explaining to him that Canada isn't heaven. FML

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By pathetic - 31/01/2016 16:49 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I passed out, hitting my head on the countertop on the way down. When I came to, I noticed the pool of blood on the floor, which caused me to black out again. My brother was more concerned about his recently cleaned floor rather than if I was ok or not. FML.

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 16:26 - United States - Westport

Today I automatically said "Have fun" to my mom as she left the house. She was going to a funeral. FML

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By anon - 31/01/2016 16:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, before I could tell my beautician friend that I wasn't wearing fake eyelashes, she tried removing them... FML

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By anonymous - 31/01/2016 16:06 - United States - Dickinson

Today, I was flirting with this cute guy on Twitter. I asked him if he was down to come to a party later so we could have a good time. I gave him the address and later he showed up...in his police officer uniform. FML

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By anonymous - 31/01/2016 15:50 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. A day after my surgery I sneezed and popped one of the stitches in my mouth, never been in so much pain in my life. FML

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By split Pee - 31/01/2016 15:30 - United States - Plano

Today, I am sick in bed. My little brother offered to bring me a mug of noodle soup, which I thought was sweet, since he's usually a brat. I'm still throwing up pee (not pea!) soup. FML

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By Jenna - 31/01/2016 15:12 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, a guy gave me directions for a shortcut. The shortcut took me nearly an hour, whereas if I'd taken the proper route it would have taken me 15 minutes. So much for my job interview. FML

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You deserved it 1

By needtogetoutmore - 31/01/2016 15:02 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I realised that the most excited I've been for a while was thinking about transferring my credit and loyalty cards from my old purse into my new purse. FML.

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By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 15:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today I realized that the only reason I'm still married is so I won't have to pay child support for my two kids. Only 3 years to go. FML

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By Bobomb_boy - 31/01/2016 14:43 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad took me to go see Star Wars in theaters. Last night, I couldn't sleep a wink, so today, I slept through the majority of Star Wars. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, some rando guy from a chat room asked me if I played Smash Bros or Mario Kart and I was like, "FUCK YEAH I play." Then they said, “Add me on Discord and Nintendo!” and I replied, “You bet.” He didn’t want to play Smash Bros, he just wanted the "smash." I ended up having to block him and disinfect my headset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 181

Today, I ordered and paid for a compost bin to be emptied in addition to the garbage. Turns out most of what I wanted to put in there – although perfectly compostable – is not allowed in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 181

Today, my husband bought me a remote-controlled vibrator, put it in my underwear, and spent the entirety of our date night making it vibrate. I was soaking wet and ready to get fucked. Too bad he drank two bottles of wine during the date and fell asleep the second we got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 96

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 484

You deserved it 6 482

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 129

You deserved it 541

Today, I started a new job. After being trained on several obscure computer programs I'm expected to use in just one day, my new boss informed me she's going on a week long vacation starting tomorrow. She's the only other person who knows how this program runs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 879

You deserved it 1 493