Nearly FMLs

By ugh - 01/02/2016 13:42 - United States - Spokane

Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to take off my bra during foreplay. Not but three minutes later his mom walks in on him sucking on my breasts. FML

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By soberedup - 01/02/2016 13:41 - Australia - Brighton

Today, my boyfriend and I got pretty drunk at a house party. Getting hot for eachother, we decided to have a quickie in his car. To start, I began giving him head, and suddenly he opened the car door to violently throw up. But don't worry, he said I could keep going while doing so. Pleasant. FML

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By izazbouletz - 01/02/2016 13:39 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, I went to get a coffee with a colleague. As I was ordering, I noticed a strange smell. I guess she noticed it too because she said it smelled "like Black people". FML

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By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 13:27 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, half way through watching a girl destroy her boyfriends car I realized that it was my car. Insurance won't cover it. FML

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By SydLuTom - 01/02/2016 13:25 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I hit my first trickshot in Call of Duty. I jumped up in excitement. Turns out I had a bowl on the floor. It's stuck in shards on my foot now. FML

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By omgplsguy - 01/02/2016 13:12 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was at work late at night and a customer wanted my help finding something. I was about to help him when I noticed his penis was hanging out of his pants through the fly. There is no way in hell he didn't know. I had to pretend not to notice and go find my supervisor. FML

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By NoticesNothing - 01/02/2016 12:44 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I came home to my brother telling me a truck had driven into our house. I don't know what's worse, that half my room is destroyed or that I didn't notice the smashed corner of the house when I walked by. FML.

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By kitty_Kat777 - 01/02/2016 12:31 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, while waiting to pick up my boyfriend from work, his boss came up to me and told me if we are seen making out in the t.v room again, he would get fired. I haven't been to his work in 2 weeks

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By GeeLoftus - 01/02/2016 12:13 - United States - Ozark

Today, apparently my parents want to get a new dog. This wouldn't be so bad if the 6 others dogs and 5 cats we had didn't already rip apart everything I own. Looks like there's going to be another reason to move out. FML.

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By Harry - 01/02/2016 11:39 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I don't know how, but sometime in the last 3 hours someone in the office got under my desk and actually tied my shoelaces together. I now have a black eye, a missing tooth and a splitting headache. I thought I worked in a bank, not a fucking primary school. FML

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By Linemanmike - 01/02/2016 10:24 - United States - Johnstown

Today, I got an interview for a better job. I was told I would be hired before entering the interview so I put my 2 weeks in for my current job. Turns out they just needed to fill their application quota... FML

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By JHPugh - 01/02/2016 10:24 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I figured out why my dad didn't want me to start seeing a therapist. It's because it would make him look bad for all the abuse he's put me through. I'm wishing I could move the hell out of here.. FML

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By Jibber96 - 01/02/2016 10:24 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I woke up to this weird pain I felt down there. The night before I had a girl over, without having sex or anything since she wanted to wait. Instead, we dryhumped each other for 4 hours. Now I have a rash on my penis from not even actually getting laid. And it really hurts. FML

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By stephiebabes - 01/02/2016 10:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to leave work early. Why? I had a panic attack because I forgot to check on my games. FML

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By Oh dear - 01/02/2016 09:58 - Australia

Today, I learnt that you can laugh so hard that you projectile vomit. FML.

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By misterquinn - 01/02/2016 09:28 - Philippines - Navotas

Today, my crush texted me with a "Good morning, babe." Turns out, it was for my best friend. FML.

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By LackingExperience - 01/02/2016 08:59 - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, I received a phone call about a job that I was interviewed for lately. Turns out that they also decided to go with someone else with more experience. I've been unemployed ever since I graduated nearly 2 years ago, and this was my 11th interview. FML

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By gabbiedelaura - 01/02/2016 08:51 - United States

Today, I got in my first motorcycle accident and flipped over the bike and after being skinned alive and hitting my head my cousin decided I wasn't hurt bad enough and punched me in the mouth for crashing his bike FML

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By At Least its Legal Here - 01/02/2016 08:19 - United States - Richland

Today, I spent the entire day at my dying grandmothers beside, my phone off, just before she passes she tells me to spend the next day "as drunk and as high as I can get". My grandmother ran a liquor store and was a pot dealer, she left me her stash. FML

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By Frankie602 - 01/02/2016 07:46 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents. Let's just say they aren't very welcoming to her dating people out of her race. As soon as I walked into their house to greet them they were shocked to see me. they then started to question me about my citizenship. fml

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By jber10 - 01/02/2016 07:37 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I saw a girl in my class pop a pimple on her finger and eat what came out. FML

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By moosemay - 01/02/2016 07:21 - Germany

Today, I asked my students in my Beginning German class for a rubber. They looked horrified until I remembered it was an eraser in AE. Nevertheless three students showed up for my office hour later and hit on me. FML

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You deserved it 0

By DestinyKing - 01/02/2016 07:16 - United States - West Memphis

Today, I have been asked to look at two phone screens, been sent one picture, and tagged in a silent video on Facebook. All of this done by close friends. Normally this would be just fine, but I went blind ten years ago. FML

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By anonymous - 01/02/2016 06:56 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was pretty ill and my stomach didn't feel well but I was in bumper to bumper traffic. I ended up releasing massive diarrhea in my pants, had to marinate in it for 45 more minutes, Then I found a subway and waddled inside to the bathroom. I tried to wash my butt off in the sink. FML

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By keeza - 01/02/2016 06:40 - United States - Vancouver

My fiancé has been farting non stop since he broke the barrier last week. So tonight in bed he farted like 3 times so I told him to stop and he wouldn't. So for the first time tonight I let one rip towards him and now he is pissed and won't talk to me because "girls don't do that" FML.

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By Garnetshaddow - 01/02/2016 06:31 - United States - Boulder

Today, I had another quasi-date with a great guy I know. It's a shame he believes that relationships need an immediate "spark" and he hasn't felt it with me. He's just now told me that I'm an amazing friend he can't ever imagine dating. I was going to ask him if he would like to be more serious. FML

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By SmaxJax - 01/02/2016 06:28 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, I got a new dog to help me cope with the passing of my other one. He is extremely shy and won't do anything without fear, including the refusal to eat. Today, when he finally bit my mother, I realized this was a horrible mistake as I had a breakdown. I miss my dog, and this one hates me. FML.

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By otter - 01/02/2016 06:22 - United States - Middletown

Today, me (male) and my bf were in a hot 69 position when a woman busts through my apartment door. It was his WIFE of 7 years and we have been together 4. I didn't know he was married and now I'm single again! FML

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By user2499 - 01/02/2016 06:17 - United States - Exton

Today, I realized that the only reason I like being a woman is the fact that when I am forced to eat my lunch in the bathroom everyone just assumes the crinkling is a tampon wrapper. FML

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By orcatheseapanda - 01/02/2016 06:07 - Thailand

Today, I went to an internet cafe. The only people inside were a couple making out to mature porn and me. FML

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 364

You deserved it 3 302

Today, my 25 year-old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 430

You deserved it 12 300

Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 028

You deserved it 3 466

Today, I'm having an existential crisis. I don't what the future holds, I'm overthinking and stressing about things I could've controlled. Now I'm having a breakdown and I've got a test tomorrow and I have to take a bath, but all my lazy ass does is worry but never actually do the fucking work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 522

Today, I set about fixing the leaky, loose water tap in my kitchen. After hours of struggling with tools and rubber washers, I'd apparently finally managed to stop the leak. Proud of my handiwork, I turned on the main water to test it. The tap handle shot off, spraying water everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 163

Today, I corrected someone about a "fact" I'd learned online. They immediately pulled up a search on their phone to prove me wrong. It appears that I'd been confidently spreading a meme as if it were the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 781