Nearly FMLs

By John Doe - 18/12/2019 15:20

Today, while I was taking a shower, I heard the smoke alarm and ran outside to the front yard not putting on clothes or taking a towel. My mom opened the window and yelled out the window, “Sorry honey! Was making brownies! You can go back to washing that cute little guy of yours!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 57

By "Jordan Starks" - 18/12/2019 10:22

Today, I asked my boyfriend to go out to dinner with my new boss and his girlfriend, since I am new to the area trying to make friends. As it turns out he has had sex with my boss during his experimental phase of his sexuality. I had just volunteered to work with him closely every day.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 18/12/2019 04:59

Today I was going to a nice dinner and I wanted to look at least presentable so I go to shave. I had been neglecting my beard and neck hairs and the ordinary face razor wasn't working! In a panic I look for a better one and grab one that looks like a pair of barber shop clippers and they work like a dream. Halfway through my mom comes in and starts freaking out! Turns out the razor I grabbed is the same one she uses to shave her bikini line. I need a female version of a manscaping razor to shave my face!! FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 19

By cDee - 18/12/2019 02:21

I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. I called my mom to help and she told me to grow up. I am still stuck down in the basement.

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 15/12/2019 17:40 - United States - Rittman

Today I realized I've been with my husband for almost 8 years. 8 years since I've had decent sex is long enough to almost make me cry. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 51

By AloneAtPerkins - 15/12/2019 14:27 - United States - Stevens Point

Today, I'm sitting at a Perkins at ten o'clock at night because my 24 year old boyfriend is afraid to have me there when his mother stops by. I rode on a bus for 3 hoursand paid $54 to come for the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 27

By Michele Lough - 15/12/2019 08:30

Today, a photo of my dog got more likes on Instagram than a photo of me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 14/12/2019 22:12 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, while trying on new clothes in the changing room, just as I had taken my trousers off, a woman and her daughter pulled the curtain back?’! Immediately apologising, she left me to it. As i left, as she turned around her hand back whacked me in the balls, to the amusement of her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 7

By "Rhys Griff" - 14/12/2019 02:38

Today I found myself staring at a really hot girls ass, to then walking past and getting a good wiff of shit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 14/12/2019 11:51 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today I was on my period, and was wearing a pad. My school was having a "fun day" which included a waterslide you went on while wearing clothes. I forgot about my pad, and went on the waterslide, getting soaked. Not only did I make my pad slip off, but I made my underwear super wet, so no more pads would stick to it. So I had to go up to the office and ask for a tampon.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 36

By Toilet struck - 13/12/2019 23:15

Today while at Wawa gas station for those who don’t know I came out to order food a woman tapped me on my shoulder and said you have toilet paper sticking out of your butt I said huh she said you have till the paper coming out of the back end of your pants

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 13/12/2019 07:54

Today, I’ve been reading everyone’s FMLs about having sex, whilst I’ve been single and sexless for over 5 years! At least you all getting some! FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 13/12/2019 06:45

Today, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost a year. I finally have a good chance to get pregnant this month, and I am ovulating today for the first time in 3 months...my husband has the flu, he is highly contagious for the next 24 hours, and has been asleep since I got home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 12/12/2019 19:28 - United States - Lexington

Today my girlfriend and I were downtown when she tripped and hit the pavement, hard. Without thinking, I hollered out what my buddies and I yell jokingly at each other on the ballfield - "Get up you ain't hurt!" She started crying. People were around. fml

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 153

By "mattking" - 12/12/2019 21:36 - Israel

Today I played fight with my gf, before we started I trash talked her and she got mad so she sat on my face and farted FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 119

By fml9124 - 11/12/2019 22:59

Today I logged into my home PC. A browser was left open to a porn site. I accused my 13 year old son but he adamantly denied it. After a couple of minutes of me (his father) yelling and calling him a liar, my wife admitted it was her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 96

By Hannah Bassett - 11/12/2019 19:17

Today at work the light sensor turn off while I was still using the bathroom. I had to turn on my phone flashlight to find the flusher. while flushing the toilet I dropped my phone into the poopy water in pitch black. Now I have to clean watery poop out of my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 17

By nicha - 11/12/2019 18:18

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Today’s also the day I have to study for my exams, my friends are blowing up my phone nonstop, and my building decided to test the fire alarms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 10/12/2019 22:08 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, My boyfriend's nan said "I don't want anyone with tattoos serving me" Her granddaughter has tattoos and was the one handing her a drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 5

By Iamthebanzai22 - 10/12/2019 19:46

Today, my flatmate's 3 y/o keeps calling me Kitty and I usually dissuade her from that because I thought she is making fun of me (in a good way). I suddenly realised it's from the movie Monsters Inc. Now I feel like a terrible person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 20

By "Laureen Takeshita_1375230115" - 09/12/2019 01:56

Today, my FWB & I finally got our first time together. He's very well endowed. He said 'I don't think I'm going to fit' as in him in me. He's very right...FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 16

By BoxCutter - 08/12/2019 23:58

Today, My work decided that normale box cutters weren't save enough for us to work with, so we got savety box cutters. I cut my finger opening the box.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 16

By "Ahmad Nazar" - 08/12/2019 20:19

I fell in love too easily, gave everything from the beginning, got stuck in denial that I'll do good and good will come to me, got dumped halfway because she said I talk too much and I made my life about her. I told her to throw away the dress I gave her, and she said "nah I'm keeping it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 39

By "Boyufd" - 08/12/2019 11:20

Today, I peed myself in front of my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 08/12/2019 03:03

Today, My now ex girlfriend dumped me because her friend said that we didn’t seem good together. This is the second time this has happened and now she refuses to talk to me FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 08:11

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the girl I've had a crush on for a while. She said yes! But she leaves town tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

By Morigyn - 06/12/2019 01:26

Today was my 30th birthday. Three people remembered and my only present was an eviction notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 06/12/2019 01:21

Todays my birthday and i was sexually harrased. then my crush/ex told me he likes another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 20:44

Today after a long dry spell, my wife and I finally got some time to have sex. Not wanting to get pregnant I used a condom which desensitised me to the point that my wife came twice, while I was so numb that I couldn't even ejaculate. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 07:47

Today I had to share the room with 2 pre-teen boys while I was visiting family across the country. Apparently they’ve just discovered masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 6

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I realized that I’m just living. Nothing I want matters. Just the same repetitive thing day after day. What must I do for things to change? FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 184

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 793

You deserved it 304

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A-. All she said was, "Oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 375

You deserved it 54 139

Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 019

You deserved it 13 614

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 121

You deserved it 2 625

Today, I was really excited because the guy I was seeing invited me over for sex. His house was messy, but I looked past that. The final straw was he wouldn’t make his dog get off the bed so we could get it on. He actually got offended and told me to leave because, “What? She’s just lying there.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 99