Today, I worked from home and, by coincidence, it was the day that my partner was going away for the weekend with some friends. When one of them picked her up, I noticed that the other friend's husband was going on the trip. So other husbands are invited… but not me. FML
Today, I was sharing my screen on a company Zoom call. I inadvertently Teams messaged my colleague saying that the lady who was speaking on this video sounded annoying. Unbeknownst to me, the lady was one of the participants in the call. I forgot I was sharing my screen. They saw the conversation. I was fired. FML
Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML
Today, my coworker, who constantly no-shows, ranted to me about his work hours being reduced. He somehow doesn't realize that he's the problem. We're understaffed as of now, so they can't fire him, and I have to be there constantly to make up for him being a lazy ass. My days off have been few and far between. FML
Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML
Today, I posted a selfie on Instagram showing off my new haircut. However, I hadn't noticed that I'd forgot to switch back from my company's official Instagram account to my private account. The caption? "Feeling cute, might delete later." It stayed up for over an hour, and my future as a social media manager is up for debate. FML
Today, I got to work early to set up a prank for my coworker Cathy. I wrapped everything on her desk in aluminum foil, including individual paperclips. As I finished, my boss walked in, pointed at the desk, and said, "Great work, but that's John’s desk. He’s out sick today." FML
Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full-time job at one work place would be too "depressing." I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML
Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML
Today, I went for like my tenth job interview this week and yet again I had some smug interviewer who expected me to have an expert level answer to every question he asked me, and yet when I asked him about salary all he would tell me was it was "competitive." So probably less than 50% minimum wage. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me because every time he does his checklist walk-through of the warehouse I’m always sat on my ass in the break room, either watching television or fast asleep. Yeah, he does his walk-through every day between 12:30 and 12:45, right in the middle of my lunch break. Idiot. FML
Today, my boss refused to increase my wages to the new minimum wage of £12 an hour. He says the quality of my work isn’t worth £12 and if I wanted a raise, he’d see me in employment tribunal. My boss is my dad, it’s a family business. I do 90% of the work while he sits at the bar drinking for free. FML
Today, a cute coworker came into the office with a completely new haircut. Instead of complimenting him with, "I like your hair," I said, "I like your head." He backed away slowly and avoided me for the rest of the day. FML
Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML
Today, my switch to night shifts has coincided nicely with my neighbour buying her twin juvenile delinquent crotch goblins a drum set and a guitar. Now during the daylight hours, when I’m supposed to be asleep, all I can hear is their racket on the other side of the wall, mere feet from my head FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML
Today, I took unpaid leave for a month to work as a temp at a charity organisation, assuming it was paid due to the great benefits mentioned. During my placement, I noticed clues it was voluntary but it didn't register. At the end, I discovered it was unpaid. I get to do voluntary work for a whole month. FML
Today, due to an emergency, I ended up working for 18 hours instead of 13. I'd texted my unemployed wife to let her know this was unavoidable, but when I got home she blamed me like she thought I planned this in advance, yelled at me, and my dinner was Heinz tomato soup I had to heat up myself. FML
Today, I realized that I'd run out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML
Today, I finally finished our two hour long yearly compliance training at work. Not five minutes later, I receive an email from our compliance department, notifying me of a complaint against me. FML
Today, I work at a hospice center. At 3AM, a call just went out to a man's family to come because he was dying. I didn't realize that this man was my old friend's grandpa. When I saw her, I smiled really big and said, "Hey! Great to see you!" Her grandpa was ACTIVELY DYING. Stupid stupid stupid. FML
Today, I'm desperately trying to complete a project for a client. However, I have to stop every hour to provide the client with an update of the progress. The deadline is in mid July. FML
Today, on our drive down to California to work on a contract worth 20k with my husband (we own our business and work together), he refused to spend $50 on RV parking, so we didn't get to sleep all night, all because it was hot and the rest-stop was scary. We have two young kids and a dog. FML
Today, my Spanish teacher imitated the sound of a coffee grinder, and then said in Spanish, "OK, all of you do it." I did it, thinking everyone else would too. I was the only one in the class who'd understood the Spanish part. FML
Today, after my dad got frustrated at me last month for not having a job and completely taking over my job searching, claiming it’s not that hard and he’d show me how it’s done. Since then, not one company has called or emailed him back and he doesn’t know why. Welcome to job searching in 2024, Dad. FML
Today, and after every shift, all the pain receptors in my body somehow migrate to my feet and activate all at once. I’ve had a baby and the childbirth didn’t hurt this bad. FML
Today, I gave a presentation to a group of international clients. Wanting to impress them, I tried to say "Thank you" in their language, which I thought was Portuguese. Turns out, I was speaking Spanish to a room full of French Canadians. Their confused faces were priceless. FML
Today, I sent an email to my boss about a sensitive project. After hitting send and getting a response, I remembered I'd set my automatic reply to say, "I'm currently out of the office, enjoying a much-needed break from all the idiots I work with." My boss was not amused when he replied and got the automatic email in return. FML
Today, a customer asked if our milkshake flavourings contained dairy. I had no idea, and it seems the manufacturer assumes milkshakes will contain milk, so didn't state on any of the bottles that they were dairy-free. I had to google every obscure number in the ingredient list to check. FML
Today, my grandmother told me that if I didn’t get my act together, especially regarding a job, my relationship with my girlfriend would fizzle out. This is after I've already applied for 3 jobs. I told her respectfully that our relationship isn’t her business, and she threatened to kick me out of the house. FML
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