Surprise

Surprise backfire

By No kids - 05/11/2022 14:00 - United States - Eagle Mountain

Today, after two years of dating and my boyfriend knowing I hate kids and don’t want any, he surprised me with his 4 year-old daughter, thinking I would change my mind. I immediately dumped him, leaving him at the mall we were shopping at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 819

Not a clown car

By Anonymous - 17/08/2023 10:00

Today, after we had our daughter on purpose, then had twin girls by accident, my husband was going to get a vasectomy while I also decided to get my tubes tied as an extra precaution. At the appointment, they did a scan to make sure I’m not pregnant already… BOOM! I’m 7 weeks pregnant with twins again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 477

Hush, Mother

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a surprise birthday party for a friend. Everyone was hiding and waiting to yell "Surprise!" when I got a call from my mom. I was loudly discussing family gossip and trying to get my mom to hang up when the door opened. Everyone yelled "Surprise!" and then turned to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 129

Get better locks

By Aww! You shouldn't have! ....REALLY! - 10/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, my friends, led by my best friend, threw me a surprise party. Bearing a cake, they all happily yelled, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" by suddenly barging in… through the bathroom door. I was on the toilet, in the middle of taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 72

Gift ideas

By EmmaG123 - 28/02/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" as the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 144

You deserved it 5 137

Fancy seeing you here

By mustanggt - 15/04/2022 04:00 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I met my girlfriend's husband for the first time. It went surprisingly well, despite neither of us knowing the other existed before tonight, but it's still a miserable situation no matter what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 129

Surprise!

By BadKitty - 11/09/2016 13:37 - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 965

You deserved it 1 282

That went well

By Gigi - 02/07/2021 13:59

Today, my now ex-fiancé walked out on me on our wedding day. He decided his best female friend, whom he constantly told me not to worry about while we were together, is his "soulmate." Both of them ran away together to god knows where, while I stood there humiliated in front of our family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 173

Sneaky sneezy

By Worn Out - 12/11/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I sneezed four times in succession. The problem is that I've never sneezed more than three times in a row in my life, so the fourth one came as such a shock to me that I accidentally banged my head on my desk when it occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 297

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 00:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 82

Surprise!

By Muscle - 06/03/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two-month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with silk-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said, "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 201

You deserved it 3 985

Bad timing

By Tracey - 25/04/2025 20:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I was home alone, wearing my comfiest pajamas and watching Netflix, when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find my parents standing there. They had just driven four hours to surprise me. My hair was a mess, my face was bare, and I looked like a living disaster. "We just wanted to see how you’re doing!" they said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 144

Gammy got game

By moetplease - 03/05/2012 16:32 - Singapore

Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year-old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 783

You deserved it 3 821

Crime prevention

By Anonymous - 07/03/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 185

Skittish

By Anonymous - 17/09/2024 22:00 - Germany

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping into his arms. He panicked, stepped aside, and I crashed into the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 511

WhatsApp drama

By Anonymous - 08/02/2023 02:00

Today I found out my husband was throwing a 50th surprise party for me, and no one RSVP'd because of my best friend starting arguing with everyone in a group text. This was going to be the first big party or surprise party that I'd ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 116

Sneaked in

By GameMeetsGame2024 - 30/06/2024 12:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, an attractive woman was flirting with me from across a coffee shop. When I walked over and introduced myself, she served me with my divorce paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 1 052

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 14:13 - United States

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "What birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 400

You deserved it 31 258

Spooked

By Kyokushin - 03/06/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 980

You deserved it 20 219

Sneaky

By Anony Mous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 455

You deserved it 4 996

All shook up

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 114

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my 58 year-old mother told me she’s having a baby. Apparently she hasn’t started menopause yet, but assumed from her age she wouldn’t get pregnant when she started seeing a man she goes to bingo with. 58 years-old. My little brother/sister is going to be 36 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 93

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I came home after spending two days in the hospital for suicidal ideation and found a summons for jury duty in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 157

Great timing!

By Nathan - 28/10/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got back from a holiday to find that my coworkers had prepared a “Welcome Back!” surprise. I pretended to be excited, only for them to awkwardly whisper that it was intended for another coworker, who was on her way back from maternity leave the same morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 152

What's up, bro?

By WhatAMess - 06/11/2022 18:00

Today, I walked in on my wife bouncing up and down on my brother’s lap. She proceeded to throw a tantrum, crying that it was “my fault” for coming home unannounced and ruining everything. She then stormed off into our room. My brother just sheepishly pulled his pants up and left our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 038

You deserved it 187

Bullying ain't cool, guys

By FatAndSingle - 17/10/2022 16:00

Today, on my 30th birthday, my mom, aunt, and sister staged an intervention instead of throwing a party. Apparently I’m “ruining my life” by being 300lbs and being "single for 5 years" and I need to “get my act together.” They treated me like I’m some sort of criminal and reduced me to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 841

Not the expected outcome

By Emm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised, I punched my mom in the face when she screamed, "SURPRISE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 133

You deserved it 21 020

Chance encounter of the morning

By Gale - 06/12/2024 15:00 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I tried to get a picture of a cute cat while on my morning walk. The cat didn't run away scared, it was even as if he knew it was "strike a pose" time. Then, out of nowhere, a seagull swooped down and stole my breakfast bagel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 255

Fake news!

By Anon - 28/11/2023 14:00 - Canada

Today, after I tried to plan a surprise party for my friend, and a series of miscommunications and accidental reveals, it turned it into a surprise party for myself. I walked into a room filled with people shouting, "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 214

Nice try

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 185

FML on Facebook

Keywords

My ex Love Sex Weird Surprise Work Miscellaneous Roommate Fire Neighbours Noise Birthday Cute Embarrassing Games Weddings Awkward Money Suspicious Music Drunk Cops Gross Poopoo peepee Transportation Cars Relatable Bodyshaming Dating Family

The Top

Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 098

You deserved it 1 937

Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 381

You deserved it 7 931

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 769

You deserved it 2 025

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 845

You deserved it 422

Today, while trying to be sexy for my fiancé by going to change his background photo to a naughty pic of myself, I found out he's been actively cheating on me. For almost a year, with multiple women. When confronted, he tried telling how hard me finding out was for HIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 167

Today, I see plenty of guys who've messed up on Valentine's Day and not getting their girlfriend’s gifts. Meanwhile, I’m over here having been turned down by every girl i’ve known for the last four years. “I only see you as a friend”, “I’m not interested in a relationship”, “I don't see you that way.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 684