marz88 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

With friends like these…

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 119 You deserved it 7 255

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Newbrokehome · 7 March 2025, 03:00 ·Pleasant Hope, United States

No contact

Today, I'm closing on my first house. Everyone's congratulating me, but all I can think about is the impending fallout when I tell my abusive, psychotic mother she's not welcome and the family sides with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532 You deserved it 101

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unlucky neighbors · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Shanghai, China

Make yourselves at home

Today, I was staying at a seedy apartment. A group of drunken idiots next door decided it would be fun to run into the wall simultaneously. They broke through the rotted wall and ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 751 You deserved it 3 444

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Anonymous · 5 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Relax

Today, I was craving some comfort food, so I grabbed a bag of nachos from the cupboard and sat down to binge-watch Netflix. As I opened the bag, the chips exploded everywhere, spilling all over the couch, and floor. I spent the next half hour picking up crumbs while my dog and cats happily ate the scraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354 You deserved it 156

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Dani · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Stranger danger

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 343 You deserved it 2 692

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Baffled · 4 March 2025, 12:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Soggy mess

Today, my wife went and bought a set of fancy, expensive towels and threw all our old towels away. These new towels don't dry. I've been rubbing myself for ten minutes and I'm still wet. How did she buy expensive, broken towels? How do you make a towel that doesn't dry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 483 You deserved it 92

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Anonymous · 4 March 2025, 09:00 ·Grand Junction, United States

Manifesto?

Today, I woke up to news that a document had been made about me and about 50% of my friends left me behind after reading it. None of the alleged acts are true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414 You deserved it 101

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jtaylor94 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Not on the weekend

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 505 You deserved it 43 193

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I hate myself · 2 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

Perfect performance

Today, I walked into a café for the first time, and as I opened the door, I slammed it into the face of a poor barista. Embarrassed, I tried to apologize while holding the door open for a woman behind me, only to have my hand slip and the door crash into her as well. I then stood there, frozen, as both of them just stared at me as I apologized with, "I swear I'm not a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 400 You deserved it 115

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 09:00 ·Australia

I hate dancing

Today, I was at a wedding and I reluctantly joined the dance floor. As soon as I started dancing, I felt my trousers rip. Trying to save face, I kept dancing, hoping no one would notice. A few minutes later, I realized my silk boxer shorts were completely visible to the entire party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 You deserved it 413

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Stinky · This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff ·Roanoke, United States

Give some, take some

Today, I learned that some days you win, and some days you clean up skunk carcass with a snow shovel, in the rain, in formerly waterproof boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 410 You deserved it 370

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Anonymous · 2 March 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Sunday funday

Today, I spilled a bottle of honey on the floor while preparing breakfast. As I frantically tried to clean it up, my cat deemed it the perfect opportunity to slide and pad through the sticky mess like a slip-n-slide. Now, I have a honey-coated cat, a ruined floor, and a sticky mess to clean up before my roommates get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 22:00 ·United States

One thing at a time

Today, I stuck my house key up my nose by accident. Why? I was taking them out to unlock the door and needed to straighten my glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215 You deserved it 303

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 20:00 ·United States

The opposite of Stars Hollow

Today, I recently moved to a new place. People around me here have been ignoring me from day one. It feels awkward and embarrassing to not get response when i talk to them. I'm an extrovert but still I can't cope up with this behavior. It's like they are observing my moves, and it's kind of creepy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350 You deserved it 163

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takeiteasy · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·France

Wedding fatigue

Today, my wife and I went to a wedding. At one in the morning, when the cheese was being served, we were starting to fall asleep at the table, so we went to our car to take a short nap. When we woke up it was 5 a.m., and the party was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 807 You deserved it 34 980

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 12:00 ·United States

Sticky

Today, I thought I was clever for doing my laundry while multitasking and making dinner. When I went to transfer my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I discovered that I'd accidentally washed a pack of gum that was in my pocket. The gum had melted into my favorite shirt, and I now have a sticky mess to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353 You deserved it 166

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Anonymous · 1 March 2025, 09:00 ·Dublin, Ireland

Close knit

Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221 You deserved it 298

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Where is My Tree? · 28 February 2025, 12:00 ·Bakersfield, United States

Wind? Thief? Hit and run?

Today, I woke up and found that the tree in my front yard was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406 You deserved it 49

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Anonymous · 27 February 2025, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Valid argument

Today, my fiancé actually tried to skip my mum’s birthday by claiming the cat was asleep on him, and he didn’t want to move, then he yelled at me when I moved the cat for him. Guess he forgot it’s a surprise party and we’re the ones supposed to be driving my mum there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472 You deserved it 135

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Soaked · 27 February 2025, 09:00 ·United States

Here comes the flood

Today, I found out that having a rug in your bathroom has more uses than I thought. For example, it can soak up a ton of water when your shower head randomly bursts and starts spewing water non-stop while you're at work. There's still water everywhere, and no more showers for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370 You deserved it 78

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Anonymous · 27 February 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Boxed in

Today, at sparring, I got paired up with a girl, who said, "Don't go easy on me because I'm a girl!" Thirty seconds into the match, she was on the floor whimpering and crying. Now everyone is whispering and glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466 You deserved it 146

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Anonymous · 26 February 2025, 09:00 ·Australia

Notice me, please

Today, three people commented on my new haircut. The one I got about two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 You deserved it 147

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Uh-SLEEP · 25 February 2025, 12:00 ·New York, United States

We're going to need more in the comments, please

Today, my obsession with Polish women tried to "graduate" and become my religion. The obsession I had caught from hearing other dudes' ethnic fetishes online was about to become the start of a New Religious Movement. Now I'm stuck with the realization that I have an incredibly cringey brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 You deserved it 645

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Anonymous · 24 February 2025, 09:00

It sounds funny I know, but it really is so

Today, my dad admitted to dating and getting my stepdaughter pregnant, and they’re very happy. My wife is furious. Meanwhile, my brother pointed out it’s a real life version of the Willie Nelson song. Once the baby is born, our inbred family tree will result in me technically being my own grandad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549 You deserved it 102

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Rerere · 24 February 2025, 03:00 ·Australia

"Your text here"

Today, I gave my friend what I thought was the perfect birthday gift, a personalized mug with her favourite quote. When she opened it, she looked confused so I explained. Then she said, "I’ve never ever said that." I realized I'd printed a quote from a completely different friend. I awkwardly told her, “Well, now you have something new to say!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 You deserved it 606

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Anonymous · 23 February 2025, 20:00 ·Canada

Pipe down!

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate vacuuming at 7 a.m. I was annoyed because I had stayed up late, but then I realized she was vacuuming in the kitchen… at 7 a.m. because the broom "wasn't powerful enough." I gave her the benefit of the doubt until she started vacuuming my bedroom floor while I was still in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411 You deserved it 99

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weirdome23 · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

What the hell am I doing here?

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 806 You deserved it 8 736

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John · 21 February 2025, 09:00

There's still hope, somewhere…

Today, like every day for the past few weeks, I watched the richest man in the world, who was never elected to any office, tear my government apart to make himself and his friends richer. We're so fucked. I'm so afraid for my family and loved ones. I don't know how to cope or protect them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772 You deserved it 486

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Jim20 · 20 February 2025, 03:00 ·Friedberg, Germany

Revenge is sweet

Today, I found out my sister scratches her butt with my toothbrush every time she is mad with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488 You deserved it 93

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Anonymous · 19 February 2025, 15:00 ·Canada

Dank

Today, I woke up to a weird smell in my apartment. I checked everywhere but couldn’t find the source. After a while, I discovered the smell was coming from the pile of laundry I'd left in the corner, laundry that I thought was clean. It was the gym clothes I'd thrown in there three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 You deserved it 635

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