Awkward

Thanks, I hate it!

By gingerwhinger - 05/08/2015 23:24 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 273

You deserved it 1 745

Itchy or stinky

By Boyufd - 19/07/2022 16:00

Today, I have two options: 1. Use powder deodorant and don't have body odor for at least two days but get a rash, or 2. Use non powder deodorant without aluminium and not get a rash but get body odor the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 133

The drugs are working

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 06:00

Today, my wife woke up from dental surgery still stoned off her box. She was asking for me, but when she saw me she said, “Ew, you’re ugly, I asked you to go get my husband, he’s goofy looking but you’re just plain ugly so you’re not my husband.” Not sure how to feel about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 131

No receipts

By UnemployedPlsHelp - 10/05/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I found out you can’t lie about having a Master’s Degree in order to get a job. I paid a friend $500 to make a very real looking Master’s diploma from an accredited school. My plan worked well, until they asked me for my official transcripts. Meaning it has to come from the institution directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 1 474

Great first day

By TordNorski - 03/10/2015 02:44 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes into training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 842

You deserved it 1 429

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the N-word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 662

You deserved it 9 218

J'ACCUSE!

By Whoops - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 2 093

Smooth moves

By Anonymous - 15/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, in a nightclub packed with people, I enthusiastically went in for a handshake with someone but they went for a fist bump. We both ended up doing the awkward “Pull back and retry” dance for a solid five seconds. I think I just lost all credibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 171

Fight or flight

By Jeffery89000 - 14/09/2024 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 356

GHOSTS!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 05:01 - United States - Gladwyne

Today, my mother interrogated me about the duct tape, that I'd put on my foot for a wart, having fallen off. I tried to explain that my foot was just sweaty. She responded by arguing that the duct tape falling off was a "supernatural event". I really wish I could afford my own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 94

Overfamiliarity

By Anon office worker - 07/09/2025 00:00 - Australia

Today, I went in to hug my boss after a big project presentation, all because I misread his body language and thought he was opening his arms to me, but he was actually reaching for his jacket. I basically hugged his sleeve while he stared at me like I’d lost my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 356

Love is Hell

By StraightAF - 05/04/2022 00:01

Today, I’ve been single for so long that my mom’s friends ask her if I’m a lesbian, all because I’m 35 and not married yet. Truth is, my last relationship fucked me up so bad that the thought of falling in love with someone again makes me physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 126

Intro

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, I previewed the website my twin brother created and emailed to all our wedding guests. Under his bridal party introduction, he had written, "Mike and Steve first met when they were high-fiving their way out of their mother's vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 209

Flavor of the month

By potpurri_needed - 10/06/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 61 008

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 108

You deserved it 83 438

Eye bleach

By Anonymous - 06/11/2023 12:00

Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 452

You sure you wanna do this?

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 09:30

Today, my husband finally was ready to have sex, even though he feels it's a bit weird because I'm pregnant. Due to morning sickness, I threw up all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 426

You deserved it 300

Speed dating

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 02:01

Today, I found out that the 28 year-old woman I hooked up with a week ago is a widow and her kids, who I’ve met once, have started calling me Daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 328

Stalker panic

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 08:01 - Australia

Today, I was walking to the optometrist when I saw my creepy stalker following me. The entire shopping centre then sounded the alarm, so the rail was half down. Desperate to get away from my stalker, I turned around and walked out the store and hit my head on the rail in front of the employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 150

Awkward

By Silent - 01/06/2012 14:24 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a girl started talking to me at the bus stop. After it descended into an awkward silence, I jumped on my bus to avoid further conversation. She got on the same bus. And got off at the same stop. I swear the whole bus could feel the tension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 984

You deserved it 4 689

Thanks, I hate it

By Rawr - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 992

You deserved it 2 959

That's kind of a big issue

By Anonymous - 24/09/2022 02:30

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years, who I love with every fiber in my body, just told me that he's not attracted to me. Not in any way, shape, or form. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 139

Sailing close the wind

By FvckMenSmh - 25/07/2022 14:00

Today, what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, my wedding day, turned into the day in hell. A friend caught my now ex kissing his friend outside. The girl he told me was “just a friend and nothing more” whenever I suspected there was indeed nothing more. Now I've found out in the worst way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 107

It's not what you think…

By sucks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 941

You deserved it 159 053

I'm never talking to strangers again

By Anonymous - 28/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I attempted to compliment a stranger’s sweater by saying, "Wow, that looks cozy!" However, I said it way louder than intended, and they thought I was mocking them. I’ve never seen someone put on a jacket so fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 160

That's still a thing?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 04:30

Today, while shopping at a grocery store, I was the winner of the '1,000,000 customer of the year' award. I was surrounded with people taking pictures and everyone looking, all while I was buying adult diapers for my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 135

I've not been arrested, I swear!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 08:01

Today, police knocked on my door in middle of the night. They said there was a fire in one of the houses in our street, so they were evacuating houses. They wouldn’t let me go back and get dressed. As I was only in my underwear, they told me I could wait in their car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 94

Mothers know best

By Mothertucker - 08/03/2017 00:00

Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 733

You deserved it 700

The single life

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 00:02

Today, I was invited to my ten year high school reunion. I refuse to go because I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. All the girls I grew up with will be there with their husbands, while I’m a single loser who can’t get a man to save her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 315

Taking liberties

By Bernie - 07/09/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, my live-in mother-in-law gave away the family dog because it’s "one less mouth to feed." Last week, she "accidentally" threw away the mail, thinking it was junk mail. No matter how hard I try to convince my wife to kick her out, she tells me, "But that’s my mother, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 164

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was taking a shower. Having epilepsy, I seized, tripped over the edge of the tub, and smashed my face against an open toilet, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 83

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 263

You deserved it 4 552

Today, I have a time sensitive package from another country that has been sitting in customs for a week. USPS tells me that it’s customs’ responsibility. Customs tells me they processed it and it’s USPS’s responsibility. I can’t fucking win, can I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 80

Today, I met my dream man. Intelligent, excellent conversationalist, similar spiritual beliefs, attractive and compassionate. He proposed to my best friend last week. She asked me to be maid of honour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 317

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There were around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is, and doesn't think it exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 284

You deserved it 3 410

Today, I found out I was qualified to go to a magnet school. My mom threw the papers away, claiming she thinks I shouldn't be with "rich and snobby" people. She grew up as a rich snob and has a fortune waiting for her when her parents die, and she brags about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 106