Awkward

Let's goooooo

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 12:00

Today, my 9-year-old son decided honesty is the best policy and to never lie again. And by that, I mean he's decided to go ahead and blurt out every mean comment he can think of. In one school day, he made 6 kids cry, was punched by 4 other kids, was reprimanded by 3 teachers, and was uninvited to a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 225

Fear & Malding

By Shaving it off - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, when I showed someone my 9-year old passport, she commented, “You look so different! Now you have that Jason Statham thing going on!” My hair goes down to my shoulders; this confirms that my receding hairline is real and it’s time to come to grips. At least I’m over 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 237

You deserved it 554

Rash decision

By caiti - 06/08/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 386

You deserved it 4 463

By stupidteacher - 05/07/2016 15:02 - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 410

You deserved it 967

Manipulation

By Hurt - 15/05/2026 12:00 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I checked my husband's phone, as mine was dead. When I opened it, I saw a text conversation with his friend. He recently said, "Man you just gotta ignore your wife more. I stopped paying so much attention to mine and next thing I knew she was all over me, it's awesome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 225

She has a bright future in politics

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 12:00

Today, I learned that my "friend" told my other friends that I was homophobic, sexist, and racist. None of that is true and she's just trying to turn everyone against me for no reason. She has also apparently been talking BS behind my back. Worst part is I did nothing to her. I don't know what to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 124

Another casualty

By Flabbergast - 17/10/2023 12:30

Today, my fiancé seriously used the war in Israel/Palestine to call off our engagement. We had different opinions, so he asked for the ring back and stormed out of our apartment. Turns out, he used this as a ticket out because he was seeing someone else and didn’t “wanna hurt my feelings” by confessing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 142

Mesmerized

By Embarrassing - 26/06/2021 13:59 - Canada

Today, I was hypnotized and talked into telling everyone truths about myself at a show my family and I went to. I don't know what I said. All I know is that my family laughs whenever I'm near them. They won't tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 212

Soapy

By Anonymous - 10/11/2022 00:00

Today, like every morning, I washed my mouthguard with bar soap. Tonight, though, I realized I hadn’t rinsed as well as I should have, there's soap between my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 712

Dutch courage

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going to propose. Since he was really nervous, he decided to have a couple of drinks to loosen up. He ended up throwing up and passing out before he could get down on one knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 832

You deserved it 5 032

Have some patience

By Anonymous - 07/07/2022 18:00 - Switzerland

Today, waiting times in our emergency department were so long that a patient who'd initially presented with just a sprained ankle eventually presented with a sprained ankle and a request to test for STDs because he went to see a prostitute instead of waiting, and his condom broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 251

Freudian slip

By Pinsky - 27/08/2023 22:00

Today, my girlfriend met an old family friend who I used to hate. Their interaction was courteous, but included the jab that he'd lost a bunch of weight after High School, while I'd packed it on. That night during sex, she called me by his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 129

Creepypasta time

By Anonymous - 12/09/2023 20:00

Today some young teenager nervously approached me, saying he’d done a drawing of me, and that I could have it if I wanted, then he ran off blushing. I thought it was cute until I saw the picture. It was me and him in extraordinary detail, having anal sex, with a dildo up my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 172

To each their own

By engagedtoafreak - 23/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I took off my socks after I got home from the gym. Later, I found my fiance sniffing them, with an enormous boner in his pants. Ew. Ewwww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 190

Report him

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 06:01

Today, I was walking through the woods when a flasher popped out of the woods buck naked, smoking a cigarette. I ran away as fast as I could. I later went to an animal shelter, looking for a dog to go on walks with me. The flasher worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 100

By ubbernoob - 05/03/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said, "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 290

You deserved it 143 057

Parental approval

By Brandon - 04/08/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me from her parents' house where she is visiting. They were BBQing outside when out of the blue her childhood friend Adam showed up at the door for the BBQ. She asked her parents why he was there, and her dad replied that he "wants her to know that she has options." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 712

You deserved it 3 011

Family secret

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 22:00

Today, after my grandad died suddenly last week, we were cleaning out his house and found a full on sex dungeon, with pictures of him and nana going back 50 years. My siblings are all chicken shits, so I have to deal with that room by myself. Rubber gloves and a therapist required please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 817

The secret is in the taint

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 14:00

Today, my girlfriend wants to lick my butthole. How do I respond to that? I am genuinely confused and disgusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 537

How did you not feel it?

By Anonymous - 15/06/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I wore new trousers to work. As I walked to my desk, I noticed a weird damp patch near my zip. Panicking, I thought I'd pissed myself. I rushed to the bathroom, then figured out that it was the condensation from my lunch container, which was in my bag that I had on my lap during the bus ride to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 137

Dishwasher pod challenged

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 23:00

Today, after submitting a work order to our landlord due to our dishwasher being “broken”, my roommate and I found out there is a wrong way to put dishwasher pods in. We’re both 25 and have gone our whole lives not knowing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 887

Let's get it on

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother-in-law berated me for not being pregnant yet, so I yelled at her that since she guilted us into letting her move into our house, she never goes out, our bedrooms share a wall, and she has the hearing of a bat, none of which helps me or my husband have any sexy time. It’s been 4 months FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 219

Crossed wires

By hudd357mag - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 777

You deserved it 2 534

Birthday! Yay!

By Anonymous - 17/12/2021 08:02

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I got a text from an unknown number, asking if I knew a girl that I had been talking to for a couple months. Turns out that it was that girl’s boyfriend, who saw our messages and let me know what she’s been up to. Greatest birthday present ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 130

Love Island is back, baby

By Anonymous - 07/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I introduced the girl I was talking to my best friend, and we all hung out. Until this day, her and I were doing great. After my friend left, she started gushing about how hot he is. He wasn't hitting on her at all. I reminded her that, and that he has a girlfriend. She was calm, but visibly upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 105

Momma's gotta have it

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 04:00

Today, after giving birth, my wife was put on the sex ban until she heals. The thing is she has a high sex drive and is now horny, cranky, while also post surgery and also breastfeeding. I try to sexually satisfy her in other ways, but she's a nightmare to be with until we can have full sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 425

Bad idea

By 315 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 727

You deserved it 46 624

Pulled a sneaky on you

By blank sheep at work - 01/03/2022 18:00 - United States - Richland

Today, I found out that my work threw me a birthday party alongside my coworker’s birthday. Said coworker spread a rumor, telling everyone that I wanted each person to buy me flowers and cake. Everyone thought that I was a weirdo for asking for those things from them. I wasn't at work today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 101

By Anonymous - 19/05/2019 00:05

Today, I was seeing my boyfriend for the first time in 3 weeks. I was so excited to see him that I gave him a big hug. He must have been excited to see me too, because he hugged me so tight that he squeezed a fart out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 270

Good morals, you say?

By ELinDawk - 31/08/2021 01:01

Today, I think I found the person I feel is my soulmate while I was in Montana this past weekend. My friend’s wife’s best friend. She was perfect, same sense of humor, same sarcasm, good morals, and absolutely gorgeous. I was struck. And then I received a text message from my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 2 600

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The Top

Today, my husband lost his keys again. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 390

You deserved it 8 712

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 720

You deserved it 6 506

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 890

You deserved it 3 622

Today, I was diagnosed with Covid. I've been living with my ex for 8 months. They started dating again, and their new partner broke up with them and gave them Covid, then my ex gave it to me. I was supposed to move out, and now I have to delay it further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 277

Today, I have to choose between getting a new job and losing my health insurance as a result, or staying unemployed and being evicted. Did I mention that I am unemployed due to severely breaking my leg with no legal recourse? FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 124

Today, I sat on the sofa for eleven hours, paralyzed with anxiety. When my husband got home, nothing was done. We ate cold sandwiches off paper plates. Now he has to catch up on everything and I feel so useless I could just cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 242