Socially awkward guy · 28 December 2024, 03:00 ·United States

Thanks Mom and Dad

Today, since I've been single my whole life, my parents decided to get me to think about what I would want in a relationship. The ensuing conversation made me realize why I am single: not only do I have a major lack of confidence, but I also just don't know how to talk to people, much less people I'm interested in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410 You deserved it 132

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Maryse · 28 December 2024, 00:00 ·Mississauga, Canada

Shooting yourself in the foot

Today, I randomly hooked up with a hot guy, just to ruin it by saying he’s like my twin brother, and now he won’t reply to my messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119 You deserved it 652

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Anonymous · 27 December 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

We all grow to become what we hate

Today, I put on my support undies, comfortable shoes, glasses, and my warm cardigan, walked the dog, did some gardening, gossiped with my neighbour, gave their kids some sweets, and ignored my husband because I’m mad at him. That’s when I realised I really have turned into my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154 You deserved it 624

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takinabreak · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Manly man

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "Radiance Ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "Radiance Ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 253 You deserved it 33 895

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Anonymous · 27 December 2024, 15:00 ·United States

Girls' trip, baby!

Today, my I told my girlfriend I was owed an explanation as to why I've been ghosted since her "Girls' trip" out of state. She said she just didn't want to deal with me being upset about her snapping a guy she spent the two days with, and they were all over each in a picture she tried to hide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596 You deserved it 104

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Anonymous · 27 December 2024, 12:00 ·Florence, United States

At one with nature

Today, I woke up groggy as hell because my Rottie kept growling at something all night long. I went to get coffee in a daze and saw mouse shit floating in my brew. I cleaned up after the bastard mice, then stepped in coyote shit on my way to the newly dumped-over and shredded garbage cans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359 You deserved it 219

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Anonymous · 27 December 2024, 09:00 ·Boston, United States

Controlling

Today, I accidentally hit "Reply All" on an email complaining about the office thermostat being too cold. My boss replied, "It’s cold because I control it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 You deserved it 468

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DookDaSpook · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·San Francisco, United States

The dipshit in 4B

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 916 You deserved it 1 391

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Anonymous · 27 December 2024, 03:00 ·United States

Customer support

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of juice on sale. When it didn't ring up the sale price, they told me that the bottle was just on the wrong shelf and it wasn't on sale. I demanded that they honor the price, and they had security escort me out, without the juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 You deserved it 1 001

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C.J · 27 December 2024, 00:00 ·Henderson, United States

It's the most wonderful time of the year…

Today, I found out I'm "no longer under consideration" for all 8 of the jobs I recently applied for. I'm broke and stuck living with my ex, who's got a new boyfriend. I hate my life and myself, wish I was dead every day, and am stuck in retail hell for the foreseeable future. I barely eat and exist only to work and sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477 You deserved it 161

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Anonymous · 26 December 2024, 22:00 ·North Reading, United States

Sharing is caring

Today, after my wife just cashed in $160,000 in stock options, my Christmas present was two pairs of socks she bought with REI credit. I suppose it’s better than last year’s spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499 You deserved it 132

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Andrea Marie McNeil · 26 December 2024, 20:00 ·Atlanta, United States

Revelation

Today, I found out during my eleventh year anniversary with my husband that he was cheating on me with his recently deceased friend's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588 You deserved it 81

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Andy · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Toronto, Canada

Keep it down

Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 831 You deserved it 4 551

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Anonymous · 26 December 2024, 15:00 ·Germany

Joy to the world

Today, for Christmas, I got the 3-month anniversary of a constant cold and cough, my period, plus the diagnosis that I have been secretly left-handed for 40 years, and need to switch sides now if I want to unfuck my physical and mental health. What I still don't have are decent boots - I've been hunting them for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375 You deserved it 160

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Dog dad · 26 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Dogs for Christmas

Today, I bought my dog an expensive plushie toy because I thought it would last longer than the cheap ones. He ignored it completely and spent two hours playing with the cardboard box it came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331 You deserved it 209

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Anonymous · 26 December 2024, 09:00 ·Malacca, Malaysia

Traditional Christmas trimmings

Today, the most Xmas drink I had was a mug of mocha. The most un-Xmas food I had was vegetarian fried rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 You deserved it 346

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badwolf · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Doggy dog world

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 054 You deserved it 4 290

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WalkingOnEggshells · 26 December 2024, 03:00 ·Miami, United States

Red flag

Today, the man I've liked for so long asked me out on a date. Three years ago I fell for him and he denied me unless I "lost 100lbs” Now I've lost about 85lbs (not because of him, but for myself) and he wants to give me the time of day. I still like him, but I feel like I have to watch my weight to keep him if I say “Yes.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 357 You deserved it 541

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Anonymous · 26 December 2024, 00:00 ·Puducherry, India

Stay home next year

Today, my father is a 70 year-old narcissist deep in debt - because he spends so much to show off and boost his ego to unknown people - but never spends a single cent on family. He nags me non stop and shouts that he's going to die in front of my toddlers. Why did I want to visit family for holidays? FML

I agree, your life sucks 480 You deserved it 131

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Jenny · 25 December 2024, 22:00 ·Etobicoke, Canada

Tipsy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to taste some wine with some friends. I drank a little too much and referred to him as my brother to a random guy. Let’s just say I put a strain on my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 You deserved it 719

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SofaKingAnnoying · 25 December 2024, 20:00 ·Kasterlee, Belgium

PIVOT!

Today, the couch I ordered finally arrived. It was a long search and a little expensive but worth it for the extra comfort. It is perfect, except for the fact that it doesn't fit thought the staircase of my building. Now it's standing in the hallway because they won't take it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212 You deserved it 462

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John Nani · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Merry Christmas!

Today, it's Christmas Day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 495 You deserved it 29 932

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Anonymous · 25 December 2024, 16:00 ·Joinville, Brazil

Etiquette

Today, I had to be the responsible adult and take my parents' phones away. Most of their time is spent on social media and low-quality brainrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 132

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Anonymous · 25 December 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Shoot your shot

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the girl I’ve had a crush on for years. I was so nervous, I got confused and sent her a text meant for my best friend that said, "I’m about to ask her out. Pray I don’t puke on her." She responded with a laughing emoji and said, "You really need to work on your game." FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 You deserved it 454

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Anonymous · 25 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

Merry Christmas!

Today, I showed up at my mom’s with homemade soup, since she said she wasn’t hosting Christmas Eve because she had the flu. My entire family was there without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802 You deserved it 107

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Hurting TransGirl · 25 December 2024, 09:00 ·Franklin, United States

Stay strong, sister

Today, I sit isolated from my family with presents I cannot give. Though I respect my brother's religious beliefs and life ideals, he chooses to hate mine. He has gone out of his way to refuse patching up our relationship and now my parents who are at his house are not answering their phone. "Merry X-mas…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 517 You deserved it 210

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Klepto · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Strange things are afoot…

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 345 You deserved it 74 152

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Hoe, hoe, hoe · 25 December 2024, 03:00 ·United States

Simply having a wonderful Christmas time!

Today, my ex posted a rant on Facebook about how much he hates this time of year. He ended it with "and now the bitch broke up with me two days before Christmas." He conveniently left out the part where "the bitch" caught him having sex with another woman last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 25 December 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Bad grandparenting

Today, my youngest, the 17 year-old, told me she’s pregnant. That makes it official: despite all my warnings about safe sex, all three of my daughters got pregnant before the age of 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474 You deserved it 377

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Peyton Manning · 24 December 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Receding

Today, my friends like to call me "Peyton Manning" because of my huge forehead. I thought it was funny until I realized my forehead is "huge" because I seem to be going bald. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412 You deserved it 82

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