It does grow on trees · 21 December 2024, 12:00 ·Portland, United States

Looney tunes

Today, I spotted a $20 bill on the ground. As I bent down to pick it up, the wind blew it away. I ended up running after it like a cartoon character, only to watch it get stuck up a tree. I did consider climbing up said tree, but with my luck I would've fallen off and had to pay 100 times more in hospital bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 You deserved it 123

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sigh... · 21 December 2024, 09:00 ·Toronto, Canada

Ain't no way

Today, my mom offered to drive us into the city after Christmas. I told her months ago that I wasn't getting in a car she was driving, because I don't trust her not to secretly drink and drive. I guess she either forgot or didn't think I meant it. Now I have to tell her again, two days before flying down there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Ewwwwwww

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 399 You deserved it 4 975

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Ethan · 21 December 2024, 03:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Peckish

Today, I ordered a mountain of junk food for myself on Deliveroo. Embarrassed, I pretended there was other people in the house by yelling, "Food’s here, everyone!" to avoid judgment. The delivery guy smiled and said, "Come on, be honest mate, no one else is in there is there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 156 You deserved it 647

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Anonymous · 21 December 2024, 00:00 ·Dublin, Ireland

No good deed…

Today, before I washed my husband’s stinky work jacket, I made sure to check the pockets. What I didn’t realise was that there was another pocket which had two USB sticks with all of his students’ work on them. The guilt trip has been going on for hours, and I’m 39 weeks pregnant, stressed out of my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562 You deserved it 225

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Anonymous · 20 December 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Dad of the year

Today, even though my bitch of a baby mama makes ten times what I make, the courts are still forcing me to pay child support for the two kids I never wanted. I’m way too busy with my life to have custody of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158 You deserved it 1 324

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Is that..? · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Aurora, United States

So, how've you been?

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 438 You deserved it 4 975

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Anonymous · 20 December 2024, 16:00 ·United Kingdom

Tight

Today, I learned that you truly can get cramp in any muscle of your body, including that one specific ring of muscle in the back. Yes, I got a full on cramp in my asshole and yes, it is even more painful than you can possibly imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462 You deserved it 114

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Chrissy · 20 December 2024, 14:00 ·Canada

Take the L

Today, I got a text from my mom that said, "Your dad and I are so proud of you." Sweet, right? It was meant for my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426 You deserved it 75

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Anonymous · 20 December 2024, 12:00 ·Holden, United States

Many such cases

Today, I had to use my husband's vehicle. He has been spiraling into a mean, bigoted man. I got into his vehicle and the radio was on a station that was spewing weird stereotypes of women, and making fun of anyone who is not a hard supporter of a certain orange politician/businessman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618 You deserved it 298

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Uri · 20 December 2024, 09:00 ·Chattanooga, United States

Menace to society

Today, I sneezed so hard during a meeting that my glasses flew off and hit my boss in the face. Now everyone keeps jokingly ducking every time I look their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440 You deserved it 121

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HelloItsMee123 · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Tis the season to be…

Today, I had routine surgery and should have been discharged on the same day. Now due to an avoidable mistake the surgeon made I'll be staying in hospital over Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 881 You deserved it 505

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keerah · 20 December 2024, 03:00 ·Sacramento, United States

Unloveable

Today, I came to find out that each person I've ever dated was either set up by my dad or by my sister. I'm fuming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438 You deserved it 140

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Anonymous · 20 December 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Don't judge a book by its reader

Today, I made the mistake of uttering the phrase "I’m not like other girls" at work when discussing how I prefer staying in and reading over going out to a bar. Now none of the other girls in the office will talk to me and are calling me a "pick-me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 165 You deserved it 767

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Bad fiancee · 19 December 2024, 22:00 ·Romania

Moment of self-realization

Today, I caught my fiance lying about being at work. Furious, I started breaking his things, demanding to know what skank he'd been sneaking around with. He gave me a stack of receipts, saying he'd been Christmas shopping. He's not cheating, just getting me everything I wanted. God, I'm a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 You deserved it 1 640

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Yurgh · 19 December 2024, 20:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

Chemical warfare

Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456 You deserved it 154

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DepressedKid · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Oh, hi Mark!

Today, I found out that no one actually likes me as a friend. They only like me to get answers for schoolwork. How did I find out? They were talking about it in front of me. Apparently I'm also invisible to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 814 You deserved it 3 830

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Anonymous · 19 December 2024, 15:00 ·Germany

Drunken truth

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 You deserved it 1 052

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Anonymous · 19 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

The Grinch

Today, after telling my bosses how much I dislike the Christmas holiday, they assigned ME to organize and host a holiday party for our whole company, with a “Mariah Carey Christmas Karaoke.” I hate Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483 You deserved it 239

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Soon to be a widow · 19 December 2024, 09:00 ·Cardiff, United Kingdom

Some me time

Today, my husband had confessed that we couldn't go on a vacation this spring because he was out of vacation time. He took two weeks off and pretended to go to work, then came home once I'd left. Another woman? No, some stupid shit in his video game called "Runescape Leagues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 586 You deserved it 178

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·United States

Skill issue

Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 739 You deserved it 1 928

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MF. · 19 December 2024, 03:00 ·North Macedonia

Festive spirit ruined

Today, I won't be getting any Christmas presents because the Secret Santa activity I take part in was canceled. Why? Some jerks messaged racial slurs to the organizers, who decided volunteering to do something fun for people wasn't worth the abuse. Thanks, idiots (and my apologies to the organizers). FML

I agree, your life sucks 484 You deserved it 114

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inexperienced · 19 December 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Out of step

Today, I'm 25. I dropped out of college when I was 19 because I didn't fit in. I was developmentally behind and looked like a fifteen year-old. All of high school I was excluded. I'm back in college now, but everyone still feels more mature than me. I no longer look or act young for my age due to years of stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392 You deserved it 237

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Black sheep PhD · 18 December 2024, 22:00 ·Oklahoma City, United States

Yuletide rule

Today, I want the holidays to be over. My mom's family thinks I'm an ungrateful brat and a troublemaker because I don't want to see my relatives who are constantly in jail, between jobs, drunk, owing child support, and trash talking the people who lovingly raised me and who died years ago. I only come for my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555 You deserved it 85

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MissKaye · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Hendersonville, United States

Probably for the best

Today, I just found out that my sister will be bringing her boyfriend along to spend Christmas with my family. The two of them, along with my brother and his wife, make me the only single one in the family this year. Looks like I'll be spending Christmas Day with the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 229 You deserved it 1 093

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Anonymous · 18 December 2024, 15:00 ·Bucharest, Romania

Patience

Today, my wife texted me, saying an expensive piece of furniture had been delivered. I specifically said, "Wait until I get home and we'll put it together." An hour later, she opened it and broke it beyond repair while trying to assemble it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583 You deserved it 106

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sam · 18 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

It is?

Today, and for the last few months, I finally have enough money to be able to move into my own place. I can finally have girls over. I am also at the age of 26, where most girls stop wanting to go over to a guy's house. I wish I was 18 again, when independence is seen as new and sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244 You deserved it 349

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Anonymous · 18 December 2024, 09:00

When there's a will, there's a way

Today, we needed a new TV after our old one died. My husband decided to splurge and ordered a 110 inch TV. It just got delivered and my husband now knows just how big 110 inches is. There is no wall in our house this thing will fit on, and the returns process is crazy complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426 You deserved it 183

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shaggyberaddy · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Christmas Chaos

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 832 You deserved it 1 063

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Anonymous · 18 December 2024, 03:00 ·United States

Surprise!

Today, my bank, being overly paranoid about fraud, declined my Christmas purchase on Amazon because I usually don't spend that much all at once. Instead of Amazon simply asking to try the card again, they instead switched to a different card in the wallet. Which would be fine, except it's a shared family account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423 You deserved it 142

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