All the FMLs

Morale booster

By Keith from Mars - 05/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I was trying to give a motivational speech to my team at work, because morale has been low. Halfway through, I blanked and ended up just saying gibberish and stuff like, "We’ll just fake it until we… you know… whatever happens. You know?" Not exactly inspiring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 455

Heavy emphasis

By James - 04/10/2024 22:00 - Canada - Laval

Today, I was having a passionate conversation about video games with a friend in our school cafeteria when I leaned back in my chair as I empathized a point. I leaned a little too far, tipped over, and ended up sprawled out on the floor, still trying to finish my point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 388

I can't believe it's not better

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 13:00 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I found out that my boyfriend (who is autistic just like me) was cheating on me. When I asked him why he would do this, considering he’s the type of guy who cannot stand being single, he said, and I quote, “I feel like I deserve better.” He’s now my ex, and is yet again complaining about being single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 124

Snowflake

By Bullocks - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Rochester

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not with any of the sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 589

You deserved it 4 545

Same

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 16:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, people’s spelling has gotten so bad that I do a double take whenever I see “its” used in the place it’s actually supposed to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 130

Chill

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 472

Breaking!

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I sent an email to my professor requesting an extension for my assignment, using the tired old excuse that my "grandmother died." Instead, I sent it to my grandmother, who then called my dad on my family's landline in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 813

Lullaby

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and every day for the last ten days, I’ve woken up in the morning and found another new spider somewhere in my room, ten days in a row. I don’t know where the bastards are coming from but I’m seriously considering sleeping in another room, or buying a new house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 105

Flustered but respectful

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 23:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I met Tim Duncan out in public. I went up to him to confirm that it was him and he confirmed it. Instead of asking for a picture or autograph, I said, "Well, it was nice meeting you!" and walked backed to my car as he drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 346

Bad choice of material, dude

By screwed - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my on and off girlfriend as a joke that I stalked her two years ago. She didn't believe me. When I say she didn't believe me, I mean she didn't believe it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 2 377

Flop

By Flop era - 04/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I thought I'd impress my friends with a backflip into the pool. I ended up smacking my back on the edge of the diving board and belly-flopping into the water. Now I have a bruise and a story that everyone is intent on retelling. I'm just glad no one was filming me. I hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 509

Pleased to meet you

By Mano steel - 03/10/2024 22:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, I arrived for a job interview and I wanted to give a firm handshake to make a good impression, because apparently that's a thing. I squeezed the interviewer's hand so hard I heard a "crack" and they winced in pain. I'm never taking advice from a random LinkedIn post ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 668

FINNBY boss

By danny - 03/10/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent two hours building an IKEA bookshelf. When I was finished, I realized it was inside-out. There was no way to fix it without completely taking it apart again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 460

Hey good lookin'

By Creepster - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 646

You deserved it 51 530

Freudian design

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I hired a graphic artist to design a logo for my shop. I think the guy might be obsessed with sex, since his first design looked like a vagina up a tree, and when I asked him to redo it, the result looked like a pair of boobs. Either he’s in denial or he’s actively mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 83

Who's the moron now?

By Rob - 03/10/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, before I could realise what I was doing, I replied-all to an email chain about a huge company issue, saying, "FFS, this is ridiculous and moronic, and so is upper management." I’m still employed, but everyone now avoids me like I’m radioactive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 634

Mind reader

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 11:00

Today, my wife bitched me out 3 times in a row, for things that were not even my fault: for turning my Xbox on, even though I only nudged the button accidentally with my toe; opening a beer when it was actually a Pepsi for our son, and walking loudly when I "know she has a headache," which I didn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 135

Teaching moment

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 09:00 - Canada - Vernon

Today, I tried to show my little cousin how to ride a bike without training wheels. Not only did I crash into a bush, but the handlebars hit me in the nuts, and I ended up rolling around like a Labrador in shit in front of the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 377

Gassy day

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I ate two Fiber One bars for breakfast and now I can’t stop farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 422

Thanks, Rebecca

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 17:00 - United States - Columbia

Today, a client called my supervisor to complain that I wasn’t answering my phone. Then they called patients' advocate and submitted a second complaint. I was on my lunch break, but still got written up the moment I returned. No, I wasn’t late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 68

A bit lax

By shitty situation - 02/10/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I shit my pants. I don’t even remember trusting a fart. As in, it literally just fell out of my ass. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 108

Nice try, Sharon

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 313

You deserved it 5 517

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 16:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, after supporting my man during his year of unemployment and job searching, he came home from his first week at his new job. He brought me a little gift: The flu, courtesy of his new workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 128

Damien

By Janey - 02/10/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, it's been thirteen years since I divorced my husband for being too hard on our son. Since then, he's remarried and had two beautiful, well-behaved kids. My son, meanwhile, is a thieving hellion who doesn't care about anything but himself, and my ex wants nothing to do with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 1 165

Bad friend

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my friend. It wasn't until I got there that I realized I'd come on the wrong day. Her flight arrived yesterday, so that explains her radio silence for the past two days. I just thought she was in transit, but turns out she's pissed at me and wants me to pay for the Uber ride she had to take home from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 606

It's a doggy dog world

By Tom - 02/10/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - Zoetermeer

Today, it's been two years since I got a Dobermann as a gift for my husband. For two years he has cried non-stop, constantly played with his privates, reeked of dead corpse, and used shit to mark the entire yard. He cries all night long. I haven’t slept in two years. I think I have sleep deprivation. My husband says he must stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 548

Fun fun fun!

By manchild bf - 02/10/2024 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend was helping me with my medications. While I called the pharmacy, I looked over and saw him making the pill bottles fight each other, with sound effects and funny voices. He's 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 483

Creepypasta time

By Saw - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 023

You deserved it 2 728

Thanks for the memories

By How - 01/10/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 116

Bad omen

By three years wasted - 01/10/2024 13:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend sobbing so I went over to comfort her. She didn't want to talk about it, but was inconsolable. I called her best friend to help out, as maybe it's easier for her to talk to a woman instead. I found out from her friend that my partner's ex got his new girlfriend pregnant. That's why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 89

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 392

You deserved it 237

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 012

You deserved it 156

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 948

You deserved it 10 735

Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 238

You deserved it 3 897

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 504

You deserved it 6 836

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 876

You deserved it 33 158