Mrs 34 years-old In a relationship
Today, my boyfriend of almost two years proposed to me. Everything was perfect. The ring was beautiful. And seconds after I said yes, he went to play his new Xbox game. FML
Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML
Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML
Today, my fiancé told me that he doesn't think cheating is a big deal because everybody does it. FML
Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the Bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML
Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML
Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML
Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML
Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend purposely makes me cry because it makes him feel special. FML
Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML
Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML
Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML
Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML
Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how low have you kissed?" FML
Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML
Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML
Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML
Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML
Today, it's the 3-month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML
Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML
Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled, "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML
Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML
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