prettipinkchick

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Prettipinkchick's favorite FMLs

By Kallian - 16/01/2013 23:22 - United States

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 108

You deserved it 2 681

Kallian_fml tells us more.

Kallian_fml 21

Thursday 17 January 2013 8:54

I don't think it's getting any better... And I can't believe I forgot to sign into my account when I submitted this.

By Beva - 17/01/2013 05:03 - Sweden - Falköping

Today, due to technical problems, I had to call the company's IT-support as my computer went totally haywire. I explained via phone that I couldn't access anything. The support then tried contacting me by e-mail and got upset with me when I didn't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 106

You deserved it 2 406

By Mizzaroo - 17/01/2013 06:38 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 3 634

Mizzaroo tells us more.

Mizzaroo 13

Thursday 17 January 2013 19:41

Actually, I was trying to show it wasn't a made up word. :)

Blankity Blank

By Anonymous - 17/01/2013 17:15 - United States - Savage

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 568

You deserved it 16 341

By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 814

You deserved it 4 171

By methane overload - 19/01/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 243

You deserved it 3 837

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 068

You deserved it 8 066

By Fluffydemise - 19/01/2013 18:39 - United States

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 161

You deserved it 14 151

Fluffydemise tells us more.

Fluffydemise 18

Sunday 20 January 2013 10:38

OP here. Just made an account. Will consider posting the video!

By musicalrose_21 - 20/01/2013 12:27 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, the drummer of my band briefly mentioned something about not being allowed into the United States, just as he left our last practice before our big tour in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 890

You deserved it 3 076

musicalrose_21 tells us more.

musicalrose_21 10

Friday 22 February 2013 22:06

Hey, OP here, sorry I waited so long to reply to this but I didn't realise it got published! In the end, we left him behind and got my boyfriend's brother to drum for us. He's not out of the band though! I thought I could trust him.

George the Cat

By AnonCat - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Vegreville

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 667

You deserved it 3 796

Sensitive

By airbiscuit - 21/01/2013 12:36 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 157

You deserved it 6 517

By Anonymous - 21/01/2013 12:48 - United States - Baltimore

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 387

You deserved it 4 422

By Anonymous - 21/01/2013 21:26 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 267

You deserved it 3 827

By normal - 21/01/2013 20:24 - France - Ambres

Today, it's been two days since my upstairs neighbour's toilet started flooding both our apartments. I have to go to the bathroom with an umbrella. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 786

You deserved it 2 705

My new house

By Anonymous - 22/01/2013 08:27 - New Zealand - Wainuiomata

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 501

You deserved it 13 501

By HereWeGoAgain - 24/01/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 988

You deserved it 3 077

By Anonymous - 25/01/2013 00:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 573

You deserved it 3 060

Birdwatching

By movingout - 26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 678

You deserved it 5 316

Knowledge is power

By andy - 28/01/2013 04:36 - United States - Long Beach

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 399

You deserved it 2 852

By Kitten_Love - 28/01/2013 19:52 - France - Paris

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 139

You deserved it 6 639