Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML
Today, I have both a cold and a period. Tomorrow, I will have a cold, my period and my wisdom teeth taken out. FML
Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "Volcano Face." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML
Today, I found my lost iPhone earbuds. In the cat litter box. I am 100% sure that they passed through my cat to get there. FML
Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML
Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML
Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML
Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying he needed me to bail him out of jail. The crime? Masturbating in public. FML
Today, I got the guts to call my dad for the first time in nine years. He said he "almost didn't remember" he "had another daughter." Another? FML
Today, the girl who I was in love with for almost seven years listed me on facebook as her "Brother." FML
Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML
Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML
Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML
Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML
Today, I went to the library to pick up a copy of Romeo and Juliet for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied, "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML
Today, my dandruff issue is so awful that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML
Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML
Today, I had a headache when I woke up for school. I had final exams that day, so I took what I thought were 2 advils. They were two sleeping pills. FML
Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML
Today, I was lying on the sofa when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer in time. I knocked over my laptop, and kicked my guitar into a glass causing it to smash. It was a wrong number. FML
Today, while at training with several of my co-workers, I realized I was the only woman. The only thing one of them said to me the entire day was "DUDE!" while staring at my chest as I took my coat off in the morning. FML
Today, I had to tell my boyfriend to stop inviting his mother on our dates. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my two friends. My hair was hanging over my upper lip, making it look like I had a big mustache. "Hey, look guys!" I said. "I have a mustache!" "I know," they both said without looking. I'm a girl. FML
Today, my sister lost a leg. Immediately after hearing the news, my boyfriend started cracking jokes about getting her a job at IHOP. FML
Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
