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Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

by MgmEboy / 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 5:16pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

by raven_teen_titan / 03/04/2012 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML

by RosaP / 02/28/2009 at 1:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

by jjjjjohn cena / 08/12/2015 at 9:44pm / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, I found out I'm allergic to mosquito repellent. I fly out on a two month trip to India on Saturday. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2015 at 10:31pm / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

by dearprudence89 / 11/10/2010 at 8:16am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

by jobsearching / 11/21/2012 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Work

Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML

by MixMastaKDizzle / 09/23/2013 at 4:23am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at 7 in the morning, I end up outside in a night dress, with bare feet and in the rain. I've just found out that my two year old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

by lilou / 01/02/2009 at 8:22pm / Kids

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

by ohshit / 03/07/2010 at 12:25pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Health