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Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

#8339859
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14269) - you deserved it (2852)

On 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by tacolove69 - United States (California)

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

#18784375
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14268) - you deserved it (24555)

On 01/12/2012 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Armagh)

Today, at work I grabbed some customer keys off the board. I was checking out their cool flashlight keychain. At the exact moment I realized it wasn't a keychain, I pepper sprayed myself directly in the right eye. FML

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

#17603044
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14260) - you deserved it (38769)

On 08/28/2011 at 7:29am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

#4321339
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14259) - you deserved it (57365)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:04pm - animals - by dumbblonde (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

#15281927
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14258) - you deserved it (29350)

On 03/12/2011 at 5:53am - misc - by Nerrh - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

#138318
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14256) - you deserved it (68651)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:01pm - intimacy - by banana (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

#2989467
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14252) - you deserved it (49182)

On 06/18/2009 at 6:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

#13726348
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14251) - you deserved it (44277)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:29pm - kids - by lilmamma - United States (California)

Today, I ran into a guy who I was completely in love with for months. After a couple of minutes, I realised he totally bores me senseless. What a waste of 4 months obsessing over that shithead. FML

#15872147
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14247) - you deserved it (59024)

On 04/21/2011 at 10:44am - love - by EmDa (woman) - India

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

#16284228
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14243) - you deserved it (31621)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

#4854572
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14242) - you deserved it (52756)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by p-man - United States

Today, I realized my self confidence is based on the amount of "likes" I have on my Facebook statuses. FML

#18823923
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14239) - you deserved it (33446)

On 01/16/2012 at 11:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)



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