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Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

#33255
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18329) - you deserved it (39803)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by SmokedSalmon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

#2464165
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18326) - you deserved it (46463)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:11pm - money - by mooseknuckle (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

#19713389
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18322) - you deserved it (12077)

On 06/01/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by furred (man) - Philippines

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

#2335982
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18315) - you deserved it (64293)

On 05/27/2009 at 5:45am - intimacy - by arctic1 (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML

#20155893
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18313) - you deserved it (3799)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:57am - misc - by Kyle - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

#1741701
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18309) - you deserved it (42678)

On 05/08/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by cammy123 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

#19109454
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18307) - you deserved it (7600)

On 02/18/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML

#7451202
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18298) - you deserved it (4157)

On 01/20/2010 at 1:43am - intimacy - by wasntworththedrive (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

#19597965
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18297) - you deserved it (4960)

On 05/09/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by chieftain (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

#8605732
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18293) - you deserved it (4063)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:05am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML

#20159093
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18292) - you deserved it (1458)

On 11/11/2012 at 3:27pm - misc - by Miki13 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

#4360788
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18290) - you deserved it (51505)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by accidentalslut (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while waiting for the bus, I googled walking directions to my destination, in case I had already missed the bus. I was so absorbed in my search that I missed the bus. FML

#21384017
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18283) - you deserved it (23477)

On 03/30/2015 at 5:19am - misc - by getoffthephone - United Kingdom



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