Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

by xoccerplaya / 10/06/2011 at 6:46am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

by j0j0 / 01/15/2009 at 11:00am / France (Aquitaine) / Health

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

by Nuts / 11/06/2015 at 9:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

by Alan / 09/02/2015 at 4:13pm / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, at 7 in the morning, I end up outside in a night dress, with bare feet and in the rain. I've just found out that my two year old son now knows how to close the patio door, which of course, has no outside door handle. FML

by lilou / 01/02/2009 at 8:22pm / Kids

Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML

by raven_teen_titan / 03/04/2012 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

by Luke / 06/23/2015 at 6:37pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML

by whoops / 07/08/2015 at 12:30pm / Taiwan / Holidays

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

by jjjjjohn cena / 08/12/2015 at 9:44pm / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

by newscomes / 10/14/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

by dearprudence89 / 11/10/2010 at 8:16am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my 19 year old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2015 at 11:54pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm / United States (Texas) / Kids