Today, while checking on my mother's photo album, I remembered that I had to take care of my baby brother at age 12 because she worked 60 hours a week and my father was a little too busy with either booty calls or gambling. FML
Today, I happily introduced my stepfather to my friends as my dad. He told me, "Don't ever fucking call me that." FML
Today, I witnessed the most horrifying thing I’d ever seen: my beloved 15 year-old cat having a seizure. The vet says she’s fine and is in remarkably good health for her age, but I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head. FML
Today, I finally had lunch alone with the girl I like. It wasn't bad, but we had a few awkward silences. Still, I got home feeling proud that I’d actually managed to get some one-on-one time with her. But a little while later, my sister pointed out that I’d had a piece of lettuce stuck in my teeth the entire time. FML
Today, after me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago, I found out he had a new girlfriend, but he was repetitively trying to get back into contact with me to rub it in my face. Then his mum died and she blocked him, so he came running back. FML
Today, my mother-in-law went ballistic for me letting my kids watch the Ladybug and Cat Noir movie, because there is one black spot on Ladybug's costume positioned to look like a patch of pubic hair, and is therefore inappropriate for children. It’s a cartoon about superheroes, FFS. FML
Today, while I was lying in bed in a hospital gown, a nurse came to check my vitals. I wasn't wearing any underwear and unbeknownst to me the bottom of my gown had been pulled up. My nurse laughed her head off while pointing this out to me as I covered myself, mortified after accidentally flashing her with my tiny dick. FML
Today, I made a big pot of soup for the week and portioned it into containers. So, on my very first day trying this out, I took one to work and heated it up. I'd somehow not put the lid on properly before putting it in my bag. I spent my lunch break cleaning soup chunks out of my backpack. FML
Today, my poor wife injured her back so severely she can no longer stand or pull up her pants by herself. I've been helping her as much as possible, but she wants to do everything herself, which I get. That was, until she started her period. So much blood… FML
Today, I had court at 8 am. After 4 hours of sitting through other's hearings, they finally told me that there wasn't any time for me. I've already had to go out of my way to request time off from work and get witnesses together. FML
Today, my wife had to pay double on a rental car than the one I had reserved because of a "credit issue" nobody was able to give me details on. I couldn't get the car because my card wouldn't insert or swipe properly. I spent an hour trying to get to the bottom of it. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to have to work really hard to get a job, since I don't have enough money to finish my bachelor's. I thought it'd be easier, but two weeks in, I'm struggling. FML
Today, I got pregnant even though I was on birth control. The father is nowhere to be found and I don’t even know his last name. My parents kicked me out of the house because apparently, “I’m an adult, so make adult choices.” I’m too scared to get an abortion. I’m at my wits' end. All due to failed birth control. FML
Today, I admitted to my fiance that I'm glad I had a miscarriage. He kicked me out and called off our wedding. FML
Today, I introduced my mom to my friend who performed the Heimlich maneuver on me when I was choking. She proceeded to loudly berate and chew him out, saying that he should have gotten an adult and could have hurt me. Now he won't talk to me and I'm grounded for calling her a cunt. FML
Today, I paid for NASCAR tickets for my husband, because it was something on his bucket list. I wanted to do something nice for him. Every time I tell him something he does that bothers me though, his comeback is, "Sorry I’m not perfect, maybe I should just kill myself and you can have all the money." FML
Today, I learned that due to a security incident my favourite fanfiction website will be down for two weeks, possibly four. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his own sister's funeral. Not only did I say no, but I'm seriously rethinking our relationship. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after ten months. Why? She found out I didn't vote. Apparently that means I don't care about "her rights" and that's "a dealbreaker." Crazy bitch. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out because I tried to introduce her to me being a Little. Instead of hearing me out or trying to learn anything real about the lifestyle, she just called me a sick pervert because of all the bad crap people write about us online. FML
Today, I discovered that my fiance only got with me because he has a fetish for black women (he's white). That's the only reason he started dating me. Never mind my career or anything else. All that mattered to him was the color of my skin. FML
Today, my wife got back from two months visiting her unwell mother in Australia. Her mother is a major feeder, so I was trying to be tactful about my wife’s weight gain. Our kids, not so much. They ran to her in the airport and asked her if she was pregnant again because she’s "soooooo big." FML
Today, my daughter told me she never wants to see me again because I had an abortion. She wanted me to have the baby and then give it to her so she could raise it as hers. FML
Today, in my 20s, I was so proud that I could squirt and that it tasted sweet, until a one-night-stand told me to get some blood tests. Long story short, I no longer have type 2 diabetes but my squirt tastes like piss. FML
Today, my ex-fiancee found out that I didn't cheat on her, but said that we can't get back together because too much time has gone by and there's too much of a divide between us. I keep begging and pleading and crying and everything but she won't listen. FML
Today, I've been blessed with a great girlfriend who initiates sex often, but then during the act just lays there looking uninterested while I do all the work. Looking at her bored expression makes me lose all the fun. FML
Today, after I asked a girl out on her birthday and she said yes, I went to her place early in the next morning to give her her favorite bagels. I went to her room to surprise her after her roommate let me in, only to see her blowing some dude's candle, if you know what I mean. I don't thing I'll be taking her out. FML
Today, I have stingy, wealthy parents who have a martyr complex. They don't wear any new clothes, even if they have a lot, just to portray that they are "suffering." They throw all their money at religious cults and refuse to spend anything for me or my sister. A life full of hand-me-downs has led to low self esteem. FML
Today, I asked my adoptive parents to put me back in foster care because now that my adoptive mother is pregnant, I know that they won't love or need me anymore. Not only did they say no, but they yelled and screamed at me the whole day, and grounded me until New Year's. FML
Today, my dad, who only recently came back into my life, decided somewhere in his booze-damaged brain, that I still needed parenting like a teenager. He tried to take my car keys for staying out late, tried to ground me for drinking, and disapproves of me dating. I’m 27 and own my own home. FML
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