The Top

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This pandemic is ruining our health in so many ways

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 20:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I'm in pretty good physical shape. No, wait, that was two years ago. Now I need to take a break after brushing each quadrant of my teeth because my arm gets tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 684

Grouchy old hag

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 21:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was ordering a new vape for my Grandma online, since she refuses to use the internet. When I told her that the type of vape she uses wasn't available anymore, she screamed, "WELL THEN, I'LL JUST GET A CARTON OF CIGARETTES, AND SMOKE THEM UNTIL I GET CANCER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 93

All over

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 14:01

Today, after I had my wisdom teeth cut out yesterday, so of course I’m in pain. To top it off, I threw my back out today and can’t bend over. So in the end, I’m loopy from pain meds and my back hurts twice as bad as my mouth. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 95

Taking stock

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 22:01 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, back in 2018, I had money and a six pack; in 2019 I couldn’t walk and had to have a back surgery; in 2020 I lost over $650,000 and gained over 40 pounds. Now, in 2021 I'm surviving and stress-eating trying not to lose everything I worked for. Fuck, I miss being a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 285

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 20:01

Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 153

Fumbled the ball

By Cathy - 08/01/2025 15:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I sent a message to my crush saying, “Hey, how are you?” I immediately followed it up with another message that said, “Oops, wrong person,” because I panicked. Now he probably thinks I wasn’t even trying to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 622

Love in the time of coronavirus

By Darkparcero33 - 28/02/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Then my COVID test came back as positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 161

She's lost control again

By Anonymous - 14/01/2025 06:00 - United States - Acton

Today, I seized in the shower, making me trip over the edge of the tub, which is when I then smashed my face against an open toilet and broke my nose. Thank you epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 88

Mother of the year

By Atypical - 02/03/2021 02:01

Today, after a lifetime of struggles, I was finally officially diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks to years of ridicule, punishments, humiliation and even beatings over something I literally could not control, I also have terrible depression and anxiety. My mom still thinks I’m making it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 275

You deserved it 219

Untidy

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 14:02 - Germany

Today, my mom wanted a pat on the back for putting away some bottles that were clogging up the kitchen bench. She put them away by putting them on top of the dishwasher for me to deal with. They were from a trip she took over Christmas. It’s now March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 93

Needs improvment

By AUsefulMess - 13/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. It isn’t acrimonious, no-one cheated, but his life will apparently “improve immeasurably” now, while mine will basically crash. I’ve spent the past 5 years working on improving as a person for him, and I thought I’d succeeded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 284

Mix up

By Devasted - 19/01/2025 00:00 - Australia

Today, I didn't think this sort of thing actually could happen, but I somehow sent a Snapchat message to the guy I have a crush on that was intended for my BFF. The message read, “I can’t wait to see him tonight, he’s so cute, I wanna lick his face off.” Said crush hasn’t responded. Yet. Or even ever? FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 426

I'm late… for business!

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 17:01 - Australia - Crows Nest

Today, the magazine that had my ad in it came out. There’s never been an ad for my niche before. But there was a bigger, better ad for exactly the same thing before mine. Yet another failed business idea for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 101

Let me down gently

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 08:00 - South Africa

Today, two days after I auctioned for a choir and they'd told me to come back and reaudition two days later, I returned to reaudition… only to be informed that they weren't holding auditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 121

What even is normal?

By Anonymous - 22/01/2025 15:00 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, after months and months of trying to get my blood pressure back up to normal, and try to get back to optimal health, my doctor told me I'll never get better for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 66

Running late

By It’s your guy - 16/08/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, I'm stuck in traffic and the rain is pouring. I guess I'll just have to wait until this is over. I wonder what I'll say to the interviewer when he cancels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 174

Intrusive

By Anonymous - 23/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, no matter who I try to date, all I can do is think about them having sex with another man. Watching them being taken by someone else over and over again. I don’t know when this started or why it continues, but the thoughts continue to plague my mind regardless of how much I try to suppress it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 367

Don't give up

By Anonymous - 26/01/2025 14:00 - Turkey - Mamak

Today, I realized that for my entire life I haven't felt genuine romantic love for anyone, despite being with many. I've taken care of people and made them happy all the time, but in the end I never really loved anyone, except one person, but it's too late in my life to go back and change things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 181

Surprise!

By SwimmingInFear - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Havertown

Today, I found out where my surprise honeymoon is: it involves swimming with dolphins. I have a huge fear of dolphins, whales, and sharks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 537

You deserved it 7 893

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 00:59

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 516

You deserved it 4 522

Mrs Nostradamus

By Anonymous - 08/06/2022 02:00

Today, my mum met my amazing new girlfriend, but later said she'd probably cheat on me. She had correctly foreseen my ex would get pregnant against my will, take the child away, and sue for support, which I didn't believe back then. What should I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 210

Taking no chances

By Anonymous - 27/08/2023 18:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was sent 800 km home from my interstate job because I have the sniffles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 132

Scheming

By lordoftheweird - 08/02/2025 13:00 - Canada

Today, I found out my parents' entire marriage was a convoluted scheme to get them both permanently unfit to stand trial. I am genuinely scared to find out what they have planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 87

Nervous?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to my GP to discuss my anxiety. As I was explaining my symptoms, I accidentally farted loudly due to my nervousness. The doctor paused and said, "Well, let's address that as well." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 158

Read the room

By Sarah - 11/02/2025 09:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I was at a family gathering and during a lull in the conversation I started to tell a joke to lighten the mood. Halfway through, I realized the joke was incredibly inappropriate. The room fell silent, and my grandma hasn’t looked at me the same since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 629

Fresh start, sort of…

By robbed - 02/09/2023 22:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend from high school has been at her new college for a week. She broke up with me because she wanted to meet new people and leave high school behind her. That was understandable… until my best friend showed me texts from her trying to arrange to hook up with him when she’s back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 109

How did I get here?

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 20:00

Today, I auditioned for and got a part in a small independent film based on the Count of Monte Cristo. I knew ahead of time it was a low budget remake, but I was surprised to be warned there would be a few soft sex scenes. When I got there, it was blatantly a gay porn movie set in an old dungeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 144

Carry that weight

By Sally - 16/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping on his back for a piggyback ride. He wasn’t expecting it. We both ended up on the floor, and I owe him a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 734

Keeper

By Nappaflower02 - 20/02/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, six weeks post-partum, I asked my husband once again to help with the chores around the house. He got upset, threw my phone at me, and said, “Stop being inconsiderate, I just got home from work! Call your mom to help you or something! Shit!” and stormed out of the house. My mom passed last year; he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 147

Fight!

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 08:01

Today, I got a call from the county’s courthouse where I used to live saying I was being sued for fraud and expected in court to defend myself. Apparently, my ex took a loan out in my name and now I get to pay $2300 worth of legal fees and restitution to this loan company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 92

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The Top

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 684

You deserved it 63 033

Today, I overheard my husband admitting that he doesn’t wash his hands after having diarrhea. I had no prior knowledge of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 105

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 452

You deserved it 4 717

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 240

You deserved it 24 112

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 148

You deserved it 2 688

Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 257

You deserved it 6 019