The Top · The top of the year

Anonymous · 27 August 2026, 09:00 ·Denver, United States

New fangled car technology

Today, I have a RAV4 with a power hatch that randomly opens when the key is in my pocket, and it has trashed my garage door. Good news: I can stop paying for garage door repairs by paying to convert the hatch to manual instead. Oh, and I was supposed to move a bunch of stuff out of storage tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210 You deserved it 106

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Anna · 5 September 2026, 15:00 ·Cornelius, United States

Social interaction

Today, I went into to shake a big wig's hand at work, and he went in for a hug. I couldn't pull my hand away fast enough, so I cupped his entire titty for at least 10 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 You deserved it 100

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Anonymous · 7 September 2026, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

You idiot!

Today, we found out in the middle of my son's custody battle that he never filed the joint custody papers when his son was born, they're just sat in a drawer in his kitchen because he’d "get round to it.” His ex has sole legal custody and has cut off all contact with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141 You deserved it 364

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Anonymous · 10 September 2026, 03:00 ·Fontana, United States

Sleepless

Today, I have a huge test coming up for my licensing boards and if I don’t pass, I can’t work. I’ve been so stressed that I’ve hardly eaten or gotten more than a few hours sleep in the last couple of days. Without sleep, I can’t study. Without studying, I can’t pass. I’m literally worrying myself sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318 You deserved it 120

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Anonymous · 12 September 2026, 12:00 ·Melbourne, Australia

Friends in need

Today, I was on good terms with my ex, and I thought we were going to get back together. I let him use my car to go back to his place after being at mine. I checked the GPS log and saw a familiar address. I then found out he was using my car for booty calls with someone I considered a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330 You deserved it 167

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Anonymous · 28 September 2026, 12:00 ·Hampton, United States

Dr Phil reruns

Today, I’m being kept awake in the middle of the night trying to distract myself with trashy TV as my entire foot radiates with pain. The surgery was a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299 You deserved it 56

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Anonymous · 30 September 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Optical illusion

Today, I got home and noticed my kitchen light was on. I was annoyed because I'd definitely switched it off that morning. Then I noticed that I'd left the curtains open. The sun was shining directly through the window onto the wall. I'd spent five minutes investigating sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 You deserved it 308

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Anonymous · 10 October 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Thanks mom

Today, I learned that I may have lung cancer. I've never smoked a day in my life but it could be from secondhand smoke exposure from all the years of my mom smoking around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445 You deserved it 61

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Anonymous · 12 October 2026, 09:00 ·Riverside, United States 🌶️ Spicy

No returns

Today, I got the craziest DM ever: A woman rambled on for several paragraphs, stating that it’s my fault she and her husband can’t conceive because years ago I “stole” his virginity and introduced a life of “sin” that’s now being taken out on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214 You deserved it 64

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Life is buttholes · 4 November 2026, 03:00 ·Orange, United States

Any suggestions?

Today, plans I had to move into a new place fell through because the person I was going to move in with suddenly developed health problems. I’m going to be homeless at the end of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244 You deserved it 43

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Anonymous · 6 November 2026, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Time to quiet quit

Today, my manager asked me to escort a VIP and make a fuss over her. Two hours I waited, calling my manager every 10 minutes to check in. He eventually told me he got the date wrong, she’s not coming until Thursday. He then docked my pay for the two hours I was “stood around doing nothing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 316 You deserved it 30

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Im so awkward · 12 November 2025, 00:00

I'm a klutz

Today, I saw a woman struggling to hold the elevator. Trying to be helpful, I jumped forward and pressed the “close doors” button, thinking it was “open doors.” The doors shut right in her face. I had to awkwardly ride up ten floors in silence with three witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 You deserved it 363

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Anonymous · 23 November 2025, 12:00

Squeaking the day away

Today, I wore new shoes to work, which turned out to be the loudest shoes on the planet when walking on the office lino. Every step echoed like a cartoon villain entering a room. My coworker asked if I needed some WD-40. I still had six hours left to walk around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305 You deserved it 97

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TheCarl · 2 December 2025, 15:00

Kinda sus

Today, Amazon delivered an item I need urgently for air travel later in the day. To the wrong address. From the photo, I could see which house they had delivered it to. They weren't home, but a camera was pointing at the item. My behaviour was indistinguishable from that of a porch pirate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336 You deserved it 73

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Leah Magers · 29 December 2025, 22:00

Lemons

Today, my husband and I were finally about to put our house on market because we have killed our savings on moving and two mortgages for the past couple of months. Then the pipes burst. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399 You deserved it 63

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Anonymous · 8 January 2026, 00:00

Close call

Today, I slipped on a wet floor in the grocery store. Instead of falling gracefully or quickly, I windmilled my arms for a few seconds while making direct eye contact with a toddler who looked genuinely impressed. I didn’t fall, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 334 You deserved it 94

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Anonymous · 14 January 2026, 22:00

Many such cases

Today, I realized I’m what they call “first world poor.” I own a phone and a laptop paid for with credit, and every time I use them it’s to check my emails to see all my new job application rejections, and to check my bank so I can watch my savings dwindling away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376 You deserved it 100

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Gary · 17 January 2026, 03:00

Impulse purchase

Today, I wanted a Stranger Things flashlight, but I saw they were out of stock at Target so I ordered one on Mercari. The Target website later got more in, so I paid double the original price with shipping included. I’m done online shopping for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 You deserved it 484

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Anonymous · 2 February 2026, 00:00

Helper

Today, a customer asked if we sold gift cards, and I confidently walked them to the rack... that had probably been empty for weeks. I stood there too long pretending to “look” while the customer waited politely. Eventually I said something dumb like, “We used to believe in them.” FM

I agree, your life sucks 102 You deserved it 348

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Cuckolded by tech · 8 February 2026, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

It's just a vibe thing

Today, it's been four months since I bought my girlfriend the vibrator she'd been wanting. She hasn't wanted sex since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319 You deserved it 149

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Anonymous · 20 February 2026, 09:00 🌶️ Spicy

Delete! Delete!

Today, my husband and I made a sex tape because I thought it sounded fun. After we watched it, I learned I have the ugliest orgasm face I've ever seen. Now I don't want sex ever again because all I can think about is how stupid I look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172 You deserved it 305

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any future girls must take an IQ test · 22 February 2026, 20:00

Slow down

Today, my brain-dead now-ex-fiancee "read on the internet" that cops can't give you a ticket at home, so when a cop tried to pull her for speeding on the way home from work, she sped up and rushed home. What would have been a $200 fine is now serious charges and jail time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503 You deserved it 77

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Who's your daddy, snake girl? · 8 March 2026, 15:00

I have had it with these mf snakes on this mf plane! Everybody strap in!

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449 You deserved it 83

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Anonymous · 15 March 2026, 12:00

You believed him??

Today, I learned that my ex-boyfriend didn't cheat on me with my ex-best friend like he said. He just wanted an excuse to break up. To make matters worse, when I tried to talk to her, she slapped me and gave me a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359 You deserved it 249

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Anonymous · 17 March 2026, 20:00

Heartless swine

Today, my wife isn't speaking to me and is considering separation because I got rid of the puppy she surprised me with for my birthday. She knows I hate dogs and I'm severely allergic to them, but thought it would be a happy case of "Dad later falls in love." FML

I agree, your life sucks 504 You deserved it 120

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kimraye20 · 20 March 2026, 00:00

Healthcare is broken

Today, I've found out I developed carpal tunnel in my right hand and need surgery. On top of that I have degenerative arthritis in my left hip, which needs immediate surgery as well. I haven’t met my $5,000 insurance deductible and have to pay out of pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373 You deserved it 75

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Anonymous · 22 March 2026, 09:00

Mix up

Today, my manager told me point blank if my uncle weren’t a senior manager he’d fire me. My uncle isn’t a senior manager because I don’t have any uncles, just two aunts, but I’m terrified that if I tell my manager then he’ll fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399 You deserved it 81

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Anonymous · 2 April 2026, 20:00

The good son

Today, my husband and I sat our 8 year-old son down and gently explained to him that I had a miscarriage and he won't be having a little brother or sister after all. He responded by dancing around the room and celebrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442 You deserved it 110

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Anonymous · 7 April 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Reunited

Today, I finally located all seven of my younger siblings, who I abandoned to foster care when I was 15, after our parents were deported back to Mexico. Each and every one of them told me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532 You deserved it 232

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Anonymous · 12 April 2026, 09:00 ·United States

Mixed signals

Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325 You deserved it 209

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