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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    Blackout

    By squishy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

    Today, I woke up with a ridiculous hangover and no memory of last night. I called my friend who told me that I was so trashed I ended up eating all the hamburgers and chicken fingers in her fridge. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 14 144
    You deserved it 51 971
    Share  

    Good luck, man

    By Anonymous - 14/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Charlotte

    Today, I realised that I wasted 10 years of my life studying for a godforsaken exam for my career. I took the dang exam 3 times, and failed it. This September will be my last and final attempt, and If I don't make it, I don't know what I will do with my life. Changing careers at 42 just seems too difficult. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 766
    You deserved it 205
    Share  

    Reverse Uno prank

    By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Melbourne

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my best friend, who I hadn’t seen since last year, picked me up and we got to talking about our memories together. I brought up the time we both cheated on our girlfriends at a Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert. Little did I know his girlfriend was waiting in the back of the car to scare me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 197
    You deserved it 956
    Share  

    Crop me out

    By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 10:00

    Today, after wasting $60 and 3 hours of my time getting my hair dyed to get rid of the ugly orange tint it had from the last time I got my hair dyed, it turned out to be the exact same color I started with. I go on vacation in 6 days and hate my hair. I'm not looking forward to taking pictures, that’s for sure. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 223
    You deserved it 675
    Share  

    Stranger danger!

    By calidreaming - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Japan - Osaka

    Today, as I got off the bus, I saw a girl counting her change making sure she had enough for the ride. Since it was my last stop for the day, I offered my day pass to her. She replied, "Get away, freak." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 34 179
    You deserved it 2 812
    Share  

    Get out of the garage

    By lq87 - 09/08/2023 08:00 - United States - Lebanon

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I realized my fiance would rather sit in the garage and get high than spend any time with me. I can't remember the last time we had sex and I don't know what to do at this point. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 548
    You deserved it 150
    Share  

    Kinda sussy

    By Rosebud - 07/08/2023 10:00 - United States - Flint

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I “caught” my partner looking at porn, again. I walked in on him with his cock out, looking at his phone. He jumped to put it away, except just like last time, I told him we could watch together, but he's “too ashamed” to even discuss it. At this point I’m pretty sure he’s just sexting someone else and doesn’t want to get caught. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 652
    You deserved it 190
    Share  

    End of the road

    By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 00:02

    Today, I was finally forced to accept that after an almost 16 year relationship and 14 year marriage, it's pretty much over. After begging and pleading with her for the last few years to show any love and affection, she still refuses entirely. I'm only here for the kids now. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 011
    You deserved it 135
    Share  

    Knock one out

    By plummet - 05/08/2023 00:02 - United States - Cañon City

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, it's been three weeks since my husband’s daughter has been staying with us. Zero sexy time since she’s been here. Finally, we had the chance tonight. He lasted 4 minutes. I’m still hot and frustrated. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 571
    You deserved it 157
    Share  

    Simple pleasures

    By Anonymous - 04/08/2023 06:00

    Today, I’m so broke I actually got excited at finding a 5p coin as it meant I actually had a coin to put in my musical change jar. The kicker, it’s been so long since I last put change in there, the battery had gone flat so it didn’t play its little jingle noise. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 679
    You deserved it 149
    Share  

    In the heat of the moment

    By Anonymous - 04/08/2023 04:00 - United States - Waseca

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I was intimate with my girlfriend for the first time, after watching an episode of Jimmy Neutron. I got so excited that I came in less than 20 seconds and yelled, "Brain blast!" as I did. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 142
    You deserved it 679
    Share  

    Never again

    By Foool me once - 02/08/2023 00:02

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my long distance boyfriend left me for a local girl. My last relationship was also long distance and we were even engaged until he slept with someone in his hometown because his “horniness” was “becoming too much.” I think I get the hint now. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 537
    You deserved it 508
    Share  

    Betrayal

    By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 03:00 - Canada - Peterborough

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, after 10 hours of radio silence, my boyfriend of one month, who pursued me for almost a year and spent the last two days at my sister's wedding weekend being introduced to my family, wants to give his ex another chance after sleeping with her during their "talk about their arrangements for their son." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 127
    You deserved it 280
    Share  

    Great start to life

    By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 18:00 - United States

    Today, after discovering that I’m pregnant from a week-long fling three months ago, I reached out to the guy, praying he’d be willing to offer some financial support, as I’m flat broke. Turns out he died in a car accident last month. I can’t even afford an abortion. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 978
    You deserved it 781
    Share  

    Brain melter

    By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 03:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, due to my blood pressure, I've begun getting an agonising migraine every time I get increased heart rate from arousal. We’re supposed to be trying for our first baby, but we’ve not had successful sex in weeks because I can’t last until orgasm before I feel like my head is splitting open. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 033
    You deserved it 177
    Share  

    No future

    By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 00:02

    Today, I had no idea my girlfriend had such a poor sense of humour until I pranked her by hiding a plastic spider in the kitchen, and she broke up with me and asked me to move out. She’s not even arachnophobic, so I don’t get her extreme reaction. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 417
    You deserved it 1 046
    Share  

    Broke

    By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 18:00 - United States - Warren

    Today, most of the stuff in my house is falling apart due to the fact that I don't have enough money to buy things that last. My lampshades ended up getting torn to shreds when I tried gently dusting them, then the base fell out of my lamp when I went to move it to clean up around it to vacuum. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 683
    You deserved it 186
    Share  

    Cultured

    By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Rochester

    Today, I was telling my friends about a date I had recently that went badly, because the guy turned out to be a moron. I said the last straw was when I used the word "decipher" and was met with a blank stare. I was then met with more blank stares. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 42 738
    You deserved it 7 098
    Share  

    Rain check?

    By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 15:00

    Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 219
    You deserved it 2 048
    Share  

    Horny but flustered

    By Anonymous - 22/07/2023 00:02

    Today, I experienced gay panic. I've felt like this before, but all the other people of the same gender I've liked I had no chance with. This time, I might have a chance with this person, if I don't screw it up like how I did last time. Please please please don't be straight or already taken. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 491
    You deserved it 509
    Share  

    Can't we all just get along?

    By Anonymous - 20/07/2023 03:00

    Today, while celebrating my birthday, my family found time after a few drinks to start at least one argument, if not more, and drove me to biting my nails off. I don't even remember the last time that happened. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 624
    You deserved it 157
    Share  

    Territorial

    By GoddamnCat - 13/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Carson City

    Today, I'm very tired because last night my cat decided to announce to the world that another cat had wandered into the backyard at the top of his lungs. At 2 AM. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 567
    You deserved it 187
    Share  

    Fight club

    By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 00:02

    Today, I had the absolute pleasure of introducing my Karen boss to a Karen customer. The screaming lasted over an hour and I filmed the whole damn thing for laughs. She then docked my pay for not working for that hour, but damn was it worth it. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 559
    You deserved it 725
    Share  

    Sophie's choice

    By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 15:00

    Today, my boyfriend started a six month jail stint. The last thing he gave me was his phone, on which I discovered $30,000 in credit card debt. Why didn’t I go after the guy who went to dental uni? FML
    I agree, your life sucks 202
    You deserved it 1 135
    Share  

    Doesn't feel weird at all

    By Job - 05/07/2023 15:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my wife decided she'd be the agent of the musician she had an affair with last year. Now she brushes off any complaints or concerns with, "It's strictly professional." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 1 431
    You deserved it 286
    Share  

    Lizard queen

    By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 06:00

    Today, someone tried to guess my age. They guessed 45, then 39. I'm 35 and just spent $20,000 on plastic surgery to make myself look more youthful. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 177
    You deserved it 1 817
    Share  

    The past is the past

    By Boudoir Babes Hubby - 04/07/2023 06:00

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I’ve met the last of my wife’s ex-boyfriends. She’s been out of touch with all of them since we met, but after seeing their shared looks, I'm convinced they all have naked pictures of her. How recent they are is the only remaining question. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 452
    You deserved it 823
    Share  

    Risky business

    By PleaseCalmDownThisIsALibrary - 30/06/2023 22:00 - United States - Columbia

    Today, I'm just a simple librarian. Last week, we had to call the cops on two separate aggressive patrons. Today, I had to call the cops yet again. WTF? FML
    I agree, your life sucks 919
    You deserved it 95
    Share  

    Howdy!

    By Anonymous - 24/06/2023 12:00

    Today, after a full year of work getting my house decorated, it was finally finished. I stepped back from the last painted wall to admire it and my neighbour on the other side of the wall, who was doing some decorating of his own, drilled too far and punched his drill bit right through the wall. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 871
    You deserved it 141
    Share  

    Batshit soup

    By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 18:00 - United States - St. Petersburg

    Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 753
    You deserved it 108
    Share  
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    Today, my friend invited me, his girlfriend, and the girl I like over to his house to hang out. We hoped it would get me closer to my crush. The day ended with them having a threesome and me locked out. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 12 182
    You deserved it 987
    Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 42 749
    You deserved it 10 905
    Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 33 059
    You deserved it 3 366
    Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 8 474
    You deserved it 59 258
    Today, a "friend" of mine decided stealing my very low amount of sticky notes repetitively to make origami and show off was okay, even though I had repeatedly asked her to stop. Then, when I snapped, I was the bad guy, and everyone who was around started stealing my pencil case to get them. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 921
    You deserved it 226
    Today, while cooking dinner, I managed to set my oven mitt on fire. In my panic, I tried to throw it in the sink, but it landed on a stack of t-shirts, which were lying on the counter. Both the mitt and my favorite Sonic Youth t-shirt now have matching burn holes. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 175
    You deserved it 435
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