By Interracial Love - 17/08/2016 04:47 - Australia - Canberra
I agree, your life sucks
839
You deserved it
126
This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.
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There's no point hiding his race from your family unless you don't see a future with him.
I know traditional parents can be hard to work with, but honestly, you need to stand up to them, this is your life, not theirs, who you date (as long as they're not abusive of cruel) and what you do with it, is your decision. Also, hiding this will just make things worse. It makes it seem like you can't trust them and that you lie to them, finding out from you directly would have been much better than finding out some other way, and the longer you hid it, the bigger the risk was of it being exposed. It's also kind of insulting to your boyfriend, you're hiding him and your relationship because you're so concerned about what your parents will think. It makes it seem like you're ashamed of him and the relationship because their opinions are taking precedence over telling people that this is the guy you like and want to be with, which kind of makes it feel like you care about their views more than you care about him. I've been in your boyfriend's exact position, and trust me, this will push him away.
As someone with strict religious parents, I'm not sure you understand the ramifications or potential situation the OP might be in. It's very complicated sometimes. Although it's true the boyfriend might feel a certain way about keeping the relationship hidden, I'm going to assume that the OP did like she said and told him why she was keeping it a secret. If he had a problem with it he should've brought it up with her then instead of going about it this way. Unless of course, he genuinely forgot.
Your parents don't respect you, they control everything you do and won't let you make you're own decisions. But you're going to respect them enough to humor their blatant discriminatory and racist way of thinking, because that's what you're doing when you hide stuff like this. You're humoring them, you're giving them the illusion that their ridiculous, outdated, ideals for you could be fulfilled. I understand what the ramification can be, they're just not worth giving YOUR life to someone else over, you need to grow up.
It's not respect, it's trying to avoid dealing with their bullshit. If you think people with strict parents haven't tried and failed on multiple occasions to talk to their parents and make them see reason, you're wrong. But their ideas and way of thinking is so outdated and they are too stubborn to change how they think. You can try, but if they're stubborn the next best thing is to just avoid them. The post mentions a visit. This means the OP is moved out and living her own life. She can clearly do whatever she wants with it but would just rather avoid fighting with her parents over this. It's probably not the first time. And just because she tells her parents that it's her life and none of their business, does not mean they won't call or visit her everyday and harass her about it.
You either lie to your parents forever (about possible white love interests), or deal with whatever comes with the clash of traditional and modern values. Good luck!
I have been on the other side of this situation - being a white girl who dated a british-pakistani guy for 2 years. He never told his parents, but they found out anyway and I was never allowed to meet any of his family. As someone who was raised to never see race I never thought this was going to be an issue, but it was for his family, which took me completely by surprise. The first excuse they gave for disapproving was that I wasn't Muslim, so I offered to convert to his religion to make his parents happy. They kept bringing up more excuses until we got to the stage of "I'm not a racist but..." comments - eventually they threatened and emotionally blackmailed him into ending things (even got to the point where his dad faked a heart attack, and blamed it on the stress I was causing him). Meaning I lost a best friend and someone I thought I had a future with, over something he knew about me from the moment we met. Speaking as the white partner in all this, if you have no intention of standing up to your parents, end things now. Don't drag it out. Let your boyfriend go. Either you care about him enough to change your family's opinion or stop talking to your parents, or that's the end game anyway so why keep him in a doomed relationship? Just one person's opinion here. PS: Sorry for the rank-esque post. I once posted this as an FML, got it accepted and then it was taken down after about 2 hours as the site moderators deemed it 'too sad to be posted' quote-unquote!
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There's no point hiding his race from your family unless you don't see a future with him.
I know traditional parents can be hard to work with, but honestly, you need to stand up to them, this is your life, not theirs, who you date (as long as they're not abusive of cruel) and what you do with it, is your decision. Also, hiding this will just make things worse. It makes it seem like you can't trust them and that you lie to them, finding out from you directly would have been much better than finding out some other way, and the longer you hid it, the bigger the risk was of it being exposed. It's also kind of insulting to your boyfriend, you're hiding him and your relationship because you're so concerned about what your parents will think. It makes it seem like you're ashamed of him and the relationship because their opinions are taking precedence over telling people that this is the guy you like and want to be with, which kind of makes it feel like you care about their views more than you care about him. I've been in your boyfriend's exact position, and trust me, this will push him away.