tkrause
Nelson, Canada
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
anonymous
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
IloveJapan
Japan
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United States
Old dog, new tricks
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
LonelyHeart
United States
Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML
baby.momma2
Dominion
Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML
Anonymous
Pleasantville, United States
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Anonymous
Swindon, United Kingdom
Where you been?
Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe I'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML
Anonymous
River Falls, United States
Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML
Neckbruise101
Los Angeles, United States
Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML
Top comments
Cheeley 17
Those vacuums can be pretty deceiving.
Welshite 39
It's true. Poor guy was just trying to clean his house when the vacuum decided to revolt and attacked him. Those machines are violent at times.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (104)
Cheeley 17
Those vacuums can be pretty deceiving.
buckeyed 20
maybe thats why they get along with OPs boyfriend
Cheeley 17
Very well played.
gc327072 30
Talk about a *******!
ryan112 12
49 - Because a ******** requires your own neck.
BrookieAnn 19
Not as tricky as those damn brooms...they're like ninjas!
HKCgrimmjow 15
I'm sorry guys but I have to vouch for him, I've actually done this to myself and it works, even weak vacuums have enough power to hickey your neck
TheWindowLicker 13
Lets be honest, 75. Under what circumstances is your vacuum near your neck? More importantly, who knows where else it'll go! .-.
AKGirlinSD 20
Yes, 1, because a vacuum hose is usually on a guy's penis. I'm a woman but I know pretty much every guy I've ever known has tried it once.
RadeonDerp 24
I think that is quite a believable excuse...
iShanny 13
Kinky.
StalkerChick 13
It would've been a better excuse if he said his friend did it(using the vacuum hose) as an April Fools Day prank.
Meenah_fml 4
Well, that sucks.
kthxbie 10
Just like a vacuum cleaner :)
Redglare 8
I think that was the point of the pun.
SaxophoneHero 12
That sucks.
musicluvr2000 11
No man, it rocks having a delirious, cheating boyfriend with a pine cone for a brain.
SaxophoneHero 12
I just realized 3 beat me to it. I don't suppose the phrase "Great minds think alike" will get me out of this?
kthxbie 10
#36 No need to be insulting
AKGirlinSD 20
18, don't be so hard on yourself. You both posted the same exact time.
Welshite 39
It's true. Poor guy was just trying to clean his house when the vacuum decided to revolt and attacked him. Those machines are violent at times.
EsotericBrent 29
Skynet is finally self-aware?
Despereaux 15
Better watch out for vacuums op. same thing happened to me! I was just vacuuming my room and it started attacking my neck. Weird..
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Well, everybody know that those Henry Hoovers are horny little bastards... I'd be careful if I were you.
lolington 3
Bitch please... Haven't you ever gotten in to a fight with the vacuum???
Chucklikesbacon 12
This was on 1000 ways to die. A woman sucked her neck with the vacuum cleaner and blod started clotting. She died. So that's a bad excuse, and I am sorry that happened to you!
carebear808 12
I am now officially petrified of vacuums. Thank you.
Chucklikesbacon 12
Oh she did it on purpouse, because she was trying to get a hickey, and left it there for about 3 minutes. So, as long as you use the vacuum as it's supposed to be used, all is good!
jem970 19
She really died? I am never touching a vaccume again
Chucklikesbacon 12
I'm so sorry! I didn't want to scare you guys!
SparksLikeFlint 2
And that is why I never watch that show. Sometimes, ignorance truly Is bliss.
Jiinxx 8
this whole comment thread got me curious and so I youtubed videos of 1000 ways to die. it was one of those things where I couldn't look away... welp, looks like I'm not getting any sleep tonight.
yankfan89 27
Have you ever seen a Dyson vacuum? Those things can be damn sexy. But all joking aside dump his cheating ass.