Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house, I heard him shout, "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, get back here!" He was talking to his cat who'd run out the door behind me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML
Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML
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Top comments
Airman1988 9
If that's all it takes to break his concentration he has a lot of disappointment heading his way for the future, what an ass
whyusofat 17
Pretty sure thats what you call "pussy problems".
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Comments (189)
Airman1988 9
If that's all it takes to break his concentration he has a lot of disappointment heading his way for the future, what an ass
lopsop 12
**** blocked by a cat ehh its better than him having him not have sex because of Mario cart.
narrowords 18
I'm always torn between "your life sucks" and "you deserve it" for the "my boyfriend/husband did this" posts. Because that really sucks, yet the OP is still saying "my boyfriend," as in they didn't dump him like they should've. Do they expect it to get better from here on in? Ha.
Bladian 5
She should've dumped him? Uh, no.
doctorhook86 25
1: Forget about his disappointment; think of how much disappointment SHE's in for with sex like that.
doctorhook86 25
Also, wtf is going on in France these days? First sisters giving their brothers hickeys, now dudes who can't perform when a cat is around. FML explosion in Paris?
Mommyof2_91 10
Sounds like your boyfriend has a stick up his ass.
thiscrazything 1
Seems like you should be throwing out not just the cat. Why keep someone in you life, who will disrespect you like that?
AssTard 15
It astounds me how he can call his girlfriend a bitch. First of all, you don't treat anyone like that; especially for such a dumb reason. Second of all, you definitely don't treat a woman like that. Third of all, you don't treat the person your dating like that.
mboehm88 3
52 - More-so than the bad sex, calling her a bitch over something so trivial is showing some serious anger issues that 99.9% of the time get worse down the line.
yummylicious 5
Spike his drink with Adderall. That'll keep him focused.
petraphotoDOTca 6
MAYBE HE HAS ALLERGIES. try having sex with a major asthma attack NOT FUN.
xx000o 27
Sounds like she should have put him outside for the final time.
KittRosewood 7
47 - To be fair, he up and called her a bitch for no good reason. That's not heading any place good. Perhaps breaking up is the better option.
wlddog 14
This post is just too hard to believe. I have a sneaking feeling this story is no were near what actually happened. It would make more sense if the cat was going crazy because it was in heat or something, and the boyfriend asked her to take the cat away so they could focus. When she rejected the idea (and I'm sure she called him a few things for not being able to focus) he probably tried one more time but yet again the cat was just driving him mad. He pulled out and when the girlfriend said something he called her a bitch. That sounds WAY more believable.
Daederoth 10
Bull shit, he had finished early and was looking for an excuse to stop.
william8691 10
Ha!
Genoc123 5
Your hott. :)
I_heart_sex 1
Pussy anxiety!
whyusofat 17
Pretty sure thats what you call "pussy problems".
SliceOfCake 9
Boyfriend: ohhh, I'm gon- Cat: meow. Moment ruined. Troll Cat: 1, Idiot Boyfriend: 0.
CaramelMacchiato 13
^ Pussy points! >:}D
Krysk_fml 0
Isn't there a line on DocBastards profile where he says he hopes to never see these comments ever again?
StanSmith_fml 9
Why yes. Yes there is.
Samus25 5
*puts on shades* YEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
thisisafunnyname 12
Most guys would love to have two ******* at the same time
mugu 0
Your pic is so...... so intriguing & intricate lol!!
KiddNYC1O 22
Win.
msl1333 4
Doesn't matter. Had sex?
ebonyirony 29
She kept looking at her watch (Doesn't matter had sex) But I cried the whole time (Doesn't matter had sex) I think she mighta been a racist (Doesn't matter had sex) She left the cat in the house (still counts)
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
The Lonely Island, YEAAA
Crazberry 5
Put him outside...
luckyd880 12
Seriously. Dump him. Anyone that calls you any kind of horrible names has no respect for you (ESP over something so stupid and insignificant). He's not going to get any better. If a guy doesn't have respect for a girl then that's it. He needs to learn it on his own, and usually with age. It usually starts with a guy respecting his mom. If he doesn't, then it's women in general he doesn't see as equals. Trust me. I just got out of a relationship just like this. Get out while you still can!
Crazberry 5
Hear hear 170! And bravo for getting out of that relationship :)
_ebbonyy 11
what a romantic first time experience! naht, he sounds like a dud. the next time he's wanking, go ruin it for him! :-)
rpm234 0
I'm a sad, lonely little man/woman/thing. Hell, I don't even know what I am. Someone please shower me with pity and tell me it's all going to be okay.
doctorhook86 25
36: I don't know what's more confusing: the OP's boyfriend's feelings about cats or your comment.
retyi43 14
the latter
pagullarka 9
# six I don't care about OP's boyfriend or her cat I just want you to move your camera in your next picture little bit down please :)
rldrship 0
I agree
tournamentdecide 33
...They're just knees...
laurenobrien 4
YOLO
llamafish 25
Your cat's a perve.
thisiscat 14
Am not!
LoganBurrito 6
95 - first on Skype, now FML •3• coincidence? Probably not.
kakarot2 11
^ALIENS?
olpally 33
Anger management anyone? What a dick...
MrSassypants 34
That's actually what the cat said in cat language. OP's boyfriend is even more of a dick for not accepting a very good compliment from a cat.
SliceOfCake 9
Troll cat strikes again.
Eiregal2 10
I wish to devour you!!! grrrr ???
wannagofast 3
I hope you put your cat back in your pants after that