Work: Zamboni please

Zamboni please

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 05:01

Today, I took a part time job at McDonald’s and started working in the kitchen. The floor is so greasy, you can’t walk normally, you move around like you’re on an ice rink. With some momentum built up, you can even slide a couple of meters when no one is looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 119

Work

Triage

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

Receptacle

By librarygirl - 13/08/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 150

You deserved it 41 777

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 12:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to catch a coach to London at 4 in the morning. I was late so I had to take any free seat, so sat down next to a seemingly sweet old man. Within ten minutes, the sweet old man was trying to kiss me and trying to pull me on top of him. Nobody said anything. The journey was 4 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 288

You deserved it 3 762

By anonymous - 12/08/2009 16:14 - Canada

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 155

You deserved it 53 359

By Dilly - 10/10/2010 20:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 709

You deserved it 9 238

By Username - 25/05/2010 12:32 - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 074

You deserved it 36 137

By Clauric - 24/03/2010 12:11 - Ireland

Today, the passport office informed me I won't get my passport in time to go on holidays. However, they took the money for the passport out of my account 2 months ago, causing me to go overdrawn, and not pay my travel insurance. The same insurance I needed to get the cost of the holiday back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 646

You deserved it 4 871

By lovethyneighbour - 04/08/2014 00:19 - Australia - Berowra

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 335

You deserved it 5 517

The Phone Call

By turnmyphoneoff - 24/09/2019 00:01

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 185

Nice meeting you

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words, "You're fired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 695

You deserved it 2 569

Disgusting

By ocdeane - 01/10/2019 22:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 245

By dickface - 01/04/2016 01:52 - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 207

You deserved it 1 547

By phone-less - 17/12/2015 02:47 - United States - East Peoria

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 169

You deserved it 7 496

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 627

You deserved it 10 255

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 266

You deserved it 2 643

You're fired!

By Schuyler Davis - 21/09/2020 02:01

Today, my employer fired me, less than a week before I could become permanent full-time staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 90

Alexa, play "Burning down the house" by Talking Heads

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 02:59 - United States - West Yellowstone

Today, a house I'm working in burned down overnight. My entire cordless tool line up and everything else needed to remodel a 3-story home is gone. Almost $14000. The only way I will be somewhat, maybe, possibly, reimbursed is if I stay on to rebuild the home. I don't have anything left to even start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 95

Thanks dad…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 561

You deserved it 2 590

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 12:03 - Israel

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 872

You deserved it 4 868

By Dontwaketheneighbors - 06/12/2012 14:24 - United States - Santee

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 617

You deserved it 4 550

By Anonymous - 02/11/2015 19:25 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend had the choice of A) living alone gaming, or B) moving in with me, gaming in his own man-cave, lots of sex, and lots of pizza. He chose choice A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 947

You deserved it 5 139

By wtfkasey - 25/06/2015 05:30 - Canada - Dundas

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 115

You deserved it 1 972

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 309

You deserved it 5 492

By anon - 27/11/2015 20:21 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 1 625

By bobjope - 28/02/2015 04:14

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 155

You deserved it 2 726

By for the whored - 18/12/2015 20:46 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I was listening to music on my phone and reading posts on here. I laughed hysterically at one, then noticed my parents shooting me outraged looks. Turned out I laughed while a news reporter was talking about a brutal rape that just happened in our city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 039

You deserved it 3 204

By TheBetterRedhead - 28/03/2017 12:00

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 770

You deserved it 505

By bmaas - 17/03/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, I was playing volleyball in gym when I went up for a spike. As I was coming down, I elbowed a girl in the face. It turns she's the second most important lead in our school musical, which we perform on Thursday. Her nose is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 801

You deserved it 6 064

By feminismlol - 06/04/2012 04:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 823

You deserved it 29 134

By Super Confused - 02/05/2016 23:59 - United States - Fremont

Today, I got my graded essay from my teacher. Earlier, he'd said that it was "too specific", and that I should change it to be "more general and debatable". Now that I've got it back, the first comments on the paper are, "Your thesis is too general, be more specific." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 687

You deserved it 1 358

By Anonymous - 25/12/2013 18:27 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a local drag racing spot to get her more involved with my friends. Her ex showed up and wanted to race me. I won the race, but blew my engine. I had to use his dad's towing service to get my car home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 809

You deserved it 14 666

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 19:49 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 923

You deserved it 3 361

By yearbook369 - 25/06/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, my school year book awarded "cutest couple" to my boyfriend and I. We broke up yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 923

You deserved it 5 517

By Anonymous - 03/12/2014 18:34 - United States - Hartford

Today, I realized that although I'm dating the most loveable, caring and genuine man, the fact that he's a crack addict means I'll never be his drug of choice when he needs a hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 869

You deserved it 21 519

By Sam - 04/03/2010 15:51 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn't, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 863

You deserved it 5 611

By hellosaila - 27/02/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I met this really attractive guy who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet and we got along pretty well. Then someone informed me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment, AFTER I had been referring to him as Wyan for quite some time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 724

You deserved it 15 004

By Anonymous - 05/04/2013 11:23 - Australia - Mackay

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 862

You deserved it 5 064

By hellosir - 27/03/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 303

You deserved it 4 189

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 03:29 - United States - Newark

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 132

You deserved it 5 449

By Frouse - 28/09/2018 22:02

Today, I was on the worst blind date ever, so I tried to secretly request an Uber to get out of there. My date then picked up his phone, receiving my request. Turns out he's an Uber driver and he was looking for a reason to get out of the date too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 959

You deserved it 785

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 19:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I learned that my mother-in-law gives better head than my wife. How? It wasn't from my experience, but thanks to a casual conversation with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 138

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Top comments

mccuish 22

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Monday 11 January 2021 9:02

Maybe you should’ve thought about get proper shoes for working in a kitchen setting

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 11 January 2021 5:20

Ba-da ba ba ba I'm lovin' it!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 11 January 2021 5:20

Ba-da ba ba ba I'm lovin' it!

mccuish 22

Send a private message

Monday 11 January 2021 9:02

Maybe you should’ve thought about get proper shoes for working in a kitchen setting

Seeya55 31

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Monday 11 January 2021 16:23

Yeah honestly, they do make shoes for that. Especially for greasy kitchen floors. Not that a McDonald's budget really calls for it but if you'd like to not smash your skull on the floor; get better work shoes.