By lilyann - 24/12/2020 08:01 - United States - San Jose

Who knows?

Today, the entire back room of Walmart smelled like cat piss. No one else complained, as they all claimed they couldn’t smell a thing under their masks. I, on the other hand, have a headache and nausea from the overpowering scent despite my mask. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Messed up

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By hatelife - United States

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

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By eyegouger15 - United States

Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML

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By inyobeddd - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

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By Shelby - United States - Nokomis

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

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By xtilltheendx - 5/10/2020 20:08 - United States

Thin walls

Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML

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By kimbo - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

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By Haitwun - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon

Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend than they are to see me. FML

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By Mommy - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

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By Che_likes_you - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

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By LAXsucks - United States

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

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By rhartnett11

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

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By bowler99 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

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By presente13 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

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By ReptillianFreeloader - Australia - North Lakes

Australia? Australia.

Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML

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By he's not the one going to hell - Australia

You're going to hell

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

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By PissedOff

Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML

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By TLJ321

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Goodyear

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

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By 404 justice not found - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

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By volleyballgirl12 - France

Today, my grandma told me to fuck off when I tried to help her with the dishes. FML

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By rb - United States

Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

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By anonymous - Ireland

Today, while in bed with my game obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML

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By fatass - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

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By futuregigolo - United States - Strasburg

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Thin blue line

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

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By Nutty

Today, I finally spent the night with a new guy after recently ending a 3-year toxic relationship. The new guy disappeared for 2 hours in the middle of the night, then came back to bed. Turns out he was busy snogging my housemate. I really choose them well. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

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By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

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By Anonimo - Italy - Monserrato

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

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By fuckkkkk - United States - San Francisco

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

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Top comments

By Crowned Sataness | 6

#7959963 - Thursday 24 December 2020 17:12

do you have a cat? are you sure it's not you?

By GoogieWithers | 21

#7959994 - Thursday 24 December 2020 20:14

Have you tried using another mask?

COMMENTS

By Crowned Sataness | 6

#7959963 - Thursday 24 December 2020 17:12

do you have a cat? are you sure it's not you?

By GoogieWithers | 21

#7959994 - Thursday 24 December 2020 20:14

Have you tried using another mask?

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 43

#7960205 - Saturday 26 December 2020 6:17

I love that your picture is of a cat.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7959998 - Thursday 24 December 2020 20:28

Despite your mask, or because of it?

By wysegirl | 21

#7960123 - Friday 25 December 2020 16:24

sounds like it is your mask if it is that powerful and no one else is complaining. good luck op

By fuckourlivesamiright | 6

#7960531 - Monday 28 December 2020 6:44

have you drank cat piss recently