By lilyann - 24/12/2020 08:01 - United States - San Jose

Who knows?

Today, the entire back room of Walmart smelled like cat piss. No one else complained, as they all claimed they couldn’t smell a thing under their masks. I, on the other hand, have a headache and nausea from the overpowering scent despite my mask. FML

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Serious times

Let's go girls!

Still pining

By jess - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

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By pixiebubz - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montgomery

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

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By patrickRafael - Singapore

Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML

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By blububble412 - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML

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By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my best friend and my ex-boyfriend went on a business trip, got drunk, and ended up sleeping together. Now they want to start dating. FML

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By Face fucking palm - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

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By unicornlovet - Canada - Calgary

Today, I filled in for my absent pregnant co-worker like I have done since she went on disability a month ago, at the job I’ve been doing for 15 months. Today the replacement they hired also came to work, and I had to train her since she has more experience and got the maternity leave position over me. FML

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By a chick in California - United States - Ceres

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

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By The L word - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

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By Anonymous

Charming...

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

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By tutusaurus - United States - Salinas

Today, I wrote the girl I love a long, gushy letter to convince her to be with me instead of her abusive ex. Later on, I asked her what she thought. She said she can't read cursive. She chose the ex. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Market crash

Today, my son took some of my underwear to school. What's worse is he sold it to his classmate for $10. FML

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By N - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

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By gbhlaughingstock - United States

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

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By ugly duckling - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

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By 3Airwalk3 - Canada

Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirt's reflection. FML

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By irony - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

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By sixsix - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a reply to my Valentine's Day card that I sent to my girlfriend. I'll get the address right next time because her neighbor is really creeping me out now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was Rizzo in a production of Grease. I sang a line about needing a ring. I've been able to put up my left ring finger for every rehearsal, but today I put up the one next to it. I flipped off the audience. FML

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By Jeff

Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML

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By LinaLinaYeah - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

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By SchoolFMLs - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was supposed to be studying for an important exam. My parents decided to make me go to a surprise birthday party instead. We weren't allowed to leave until the party was over. The party was for the dog. FML

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By Scarred for life - 13/3/2020 08:00

Frozen

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

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By sabadaba - United States

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

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By "LovelySB"

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

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By Ihatemyjob - United States - Vermilion

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

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By urbantrashcan - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

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By Chels

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML

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By doggylove - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

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By Coffee

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

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By ShitHappens2016

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

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By stampslife - Canada - Agassiz

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

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By omgn00blolz89 - United States

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

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By ponyboy - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

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Top comments

By Crowned Sataness | 5

#7959963 - Thursday 24 December 2020 17:12

do you have a cat? are you sure it's not you?

By GoogieWithers | 21

#7959994 - Thursday 24 December 2020 20:14

Have you tried using another mask?

COMMENTS

By Crowned Sataness | 5

#7959963 - Thursday 24 December 2020 17:12

do you have a cat? are you sure it's not you?

By GoogieWithers | 21

#7959994 - Thursday 24 December 2020 20:14

Have you tried using another mask?

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 43

#7960205 - Saturday 26 December 2020 6:17

I love that your picture is of a cat.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7959998 - Thursday 24 December 2020 20:28

Despite your mask, or because of it?

By wysegirl | 19

#7960123 - Friday 25 December 2020 16:24

sounds like it is your mask if it is that powerful and no one else is complaining. good luck op

By fuckourlivesamiright | 6

#7960531 - Monday 28 December 2020 6:44

have you drank cat piss recently