Today, our stupid pediatrician gave an anal suppository for our toddler's consistent tummy ache. She is NEVER constipated and passes stools regularly twice a day. Guess who had to hold down a 3-year-old and put in the medicine - which did not help with the tummy ache. I can't live with myself now. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I took my 8 month-old to Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML
Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML
Today, my wife yelled at me to "just stick it up her ass already." No, not for anal sex, it was a suppository she got from the doctor. This is the closest I’ve been to sex in two years, since she decided we were done having sex and won’t even explain why when I ask. We’re only in our 30s. FML
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Top comments
Jon Tessler 14
that is how most very young children get medicine. it is because there is less of a danger than having them try to swallow a pill and choking.
Jon Tessler 14
that is how they give medication to very young children. a 3 year old can choke to death on an oral medication.
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Comments (7)
tokeup6969 4
You are an ass, stand up for yourself and your poor child. The pediatrician did not make you do anything. YOU should have said NO.
Jon Tessler 14
that is how they give medication to very young children. a 3 year old can choke to death on an oral medication.
RichardPencil 32
My guesses are: 1) Pim Jhardashian 2) PJ 3) Megan Markle I love these guessing games! I hope I win. Also, tell the stupid pediatrician to shove it up their ass!
JackWood 21
What's wrong with good ole pepto? Never heard of going in the back door, that's a long ways up stream to do much good for the stomach.
Jon Tessler 14
a 3 year olds tummy ache, doesn't necessarily mean the problem is "in the stomach".
Jon Tessler 14
that is how most very young children get medicine. it is because there is less of a danger than having them try to swallow a pill and choking.
Jimbob271 6
So you've never heard of liquid medication? This is a 3 year old, they better be able to swallow liquids, if not, they have bigger problems than just a tummy ache.
Azzi Harvey 3
i had to do this for my kid too. lots of vaseline
McCheese09 11
lol toddlers are strong af too when they need to be.
CowgirlWithHeart 16
Something to think about/remember is that small children do not have a large vocabulary generally/usually don't have a lot of experience feeling negative feelings, so if they're depressed or sad or anxious it might come off to them/be described by them as a tummy ache even though its emotional so keep an eye on her moods too because small children do have these feelings but don't always know how to vocalize it.