Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years-old. FML
Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML
Today, while waiting for my mom to pick me up from university, I took out my phone and pretended to talk to someone. I didn't think people still pointed and laughed, but apparently they do when your mom pulls up and shouts, "Stop pretending to talk to someone." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
alyssabreanne90 16
That's actually pretty adorable!
Flaming_Pandas 15
Well, it sounds like you've gotten yourself into a shifty situat- *downvoted into the depths of hell*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (43)
davincidasecond 24
Hahaha, she's adorable!
captainsmegma 12
You should then yell "I'M DONE. SOMEONE COME AND WIPE ME"
bobdlawr 8
#35 that's almost what I'd do except I'd look at my daughter and say that... Wait no I wouldn't cause my son would prolly try
superdom 12
That's adorable mommy and daughter moment
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I'm sorry, but I literally dropped my phone and almost died laughing.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
You're daughter is gonna make a great motivational speaker one day.
hk1998 8
Yay your daughter is proud of you!
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Your daughter sounds sweet.
worldclassrager 41
Family restroom...
misshaleyblake 8
lol at least she knows it's right to go in the potty! Good job for praising her. My daughter does those things to me too, but mostly at home.
Britt125 16
FYL. But LOL, that is hilarious... kids say the funniest things.
chidexy 21
That's cute