Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him, full force, dead center in the chest, right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML
Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML
Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
IdontWanna69 8
Might want to consider getting a rape whistle.
jmk1469 5
You should quit the job or file a lawsuit.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (171)
ManInTheMachine 20
*Shut the **** up.
unknown_user5566 27
Silly OP, that's just the secret handshake bosses created to let their awesome employees know that they are one of their favorites. ;)
kai_li 8
Why didn't you say something while it was going in? I can't imagine someone randomly trying to manipulate my body and me not actually at least say "um hi - what's up?". Did you just stare at him with big doe eyes?
MrArmy 1
I read this one a few months back during moderation.
nightwishs 13
Omg he sounds like my ex his name isn't Chris is it??
hockeyoceancity 13
...I found you.
spongeydude4 2
If this isn't the weirdest i think im going to be REALLY freaked out
Bonzer 2
Do it to him, see how he likes it.
SimplyEerb 3
Some weird club initiation? O_o
wubbazugg 5
Don't think. Just quit.
MTZ8590 4
I SMELL A HARASSMENT LAWSUIT!