Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML
Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML
Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML
Today, I was giving a quiet man a haircut. I saw his hand moving repeatedly under the cover, and I knew he was masturbating. I was alone and it was late, so I punched him in the dick as hard as I could, then ran for my pepper spray. Turns out he just has a nervous tic. FML
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
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Top comments
altkat 3
At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that creepy old men have the hots for you. Congratulations.
crazy_cat_lady 0
Haha something similar happened to me! I was working for a podiatrist that visits nursing homes, and I had to kneel down on the floor to take off a patient's shoes and socks. I heard the patient breathing harder and harder, so I stood up, afraid that he was having a heart attack or a stroke or something. Then I saw his hard on, and realized he had just been staring down my scrub top. Old men are so perverted!
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Comments (98)
mrcarmine 0
how could you not tell that he was masturbating?! i think you deserved it lol
pb_fml 0
Ahahahahahaha. That's great.
123412341234 0
i was going to say: "tell him you have some sort of std"... then realized he probably doesn't care
x0bayby 0
i wouldve humped the f*ck out of him
mastershake 0
# 15 how do you puke out of your ear?
jrod_fml 0
Just goes to show that you shouldn't respect someone just because of their age.
m0nicam0nster 0
HAHAHAHA I love old people. Except not really, they are awkward and horrible. I don't want to be one.
route95 0
Wow, that is disgusting. That could definitely be counted as sexual harassment! Men get arrested for doing that in front of others without consent!
jobekka 20
men do, old people in nursing homes don't. i had a patient who pulled a old married Alzheimer lady into her room and made her undress while touching her. nothing is done about it other than keeping better watch on them.
nodbor 11
kill me Billy
heather_marie 0
Oh god. If only I posted a FML for everytime I've seen this! I work at a nursing home. We used to have an alzheimers patient that would scream "I wanna **** you!" & of course he'd be in his room masturbating. Most old men are pervs & like to wank it & hit on the younger workers. Which is why I ALWAYS wear a t-shirt under my scrub top so they can't see down it. But atleast he didn't feel you up.