Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went shooting with my dad and he brought his grandfather's rifle with him. I’ve never shot it before and he told me to be careful with it. The bullet exploded, ruptured the barrel, cut my face, and made me deaf in one ear. Dad still blamed me for “not shooting it properly.” FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML
Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Today, my boyfriend crossed a line with his bullshit "jokes". At dinner, he once again annoyed my dad by insisting that the "AR" in "AR-15" means "assault rifle". My dad is an NRA gun nut, so he finally blew up and told him that he was going to "AR his nuts if he didn't quit fucking with him." FML
Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
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Top comments
Nico_di_AngeloX 13
What the ****? Did your dad never learn proper gun safety? FYL OP.
nix1993 41
Your Dad's a ****
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Comments (192)
Grandpa_Gray 5
#childservices
Foxtr0tMikeLima 9
Hahaha your dad rocks
Scorpio1691 29
Only in the US!!
I can't stand leg puns! 23
WHAT IN THE ******* ****?!?!?!?!?! WHO DOES THAT TO SOMEONE?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!
claysculpture 9
blanks actually can kill people. and yes, I mean actual blanks, not the "thought they were blanks but they weren't" kind.
BloodyGlass 10
Bet he wasn't laughing when the cops arrested him. XD You never, ever, ******* point a gun at anything unless you intend to shoot, so he's in deep shit, blanks or not.
FereldonBorn 22
I laughed a little bit too hard at this xD
Tyrax 16
Holy shit! Doesn't your asshat of a sperm donor know people can still die from blanks? Furthermore, what if you'd had a panic attack or something? CPS.
mastatheif 8
pussy
tolkien897 15
It doesn't matter if it's loaded with blanks or empty, you don't point or shoot at anyone or anything. you always, ALWAYS, treat a gun like it's loaded.