Miscellaneous: Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group... - FML

By Tourist - United States

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

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So you had a bad day…

By rocks_hurt

Today, I rushed to catch my bus and arrived as it pulled up, but one of the tires threw a rock at my head and knocked me out. I missed my bus and the final that I am not allowed to retake. FML

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By blabla - France

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

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By Maria39018 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML

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By whattdafuuukkkk - United States

Today, a little girl walked up to me at Target and asked me what my name was. I smiled and told her my name was Kristen. She looked at the skirt I was wearing and said, "Kristen, can you wear pants tomorrow?" FML

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By akosirm - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, we had a meeting at my job and we had to introduce new ideas to our boss. Earlier, I was talking to one of my close friends who also attended the meeting about my idea. As we start the meeting, she decides to steal my idea and take complete credit for it. My boss loves "her" idea. FML

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By fucking_worthless_loser - United States - Concord

Today, I got into an emotional argument with Cleverbot. I ended up apologizing. FML

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By spinster - United States - Lubbock

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

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By Dom - South Africa - Kwa-zulu

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

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By emma_waters23 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

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By storrent - United States - Houston

Today, I discovered that my band section had misspelled my name as "Joke" on our section poster. On purpose. It's supposed to be Jake. FML

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By rune breaker

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

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By futuregigolo - United States - Strasburg

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

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By anony - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

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By someone - United States

Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

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By emilygreeny - United States

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

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By Anonymous

Cancel Student Debt

Today, I paid $800.00 towards my student loans. That was the minimum payment. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

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By thatsucks

Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

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By PerfectBoyfriend - Belgium - Reet

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I went to a bingo club with my gran and won the second game and a butthurt old lady accused me of cheating. I ended up being taken aside by an apologetic member of staff and asked to leave. I'm still trying to figure out how you can even cheat at bingo. FML

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By bitter cherry - United States

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

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By Forgetfull - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

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By

The innocence of children

Today, my 5 year old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I stole her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she has her nose. FML

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By Failure

Today, despite having glowing recommendations, stellar grades, and an impressive resumé, I was rejected by all 15 colleges that I applied to. No explanation or reasons have been given, and it's too late to apply to any more. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother refused to agree with any of my logic because it's "not in the bible." She can't find any fault with it, just refuses to agree with it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

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By darianvilla - United States - College Park

Today, I was happy because my co-worker was almost about to get fired due to his lazy habits. It was all going so well. Then I accidentally put my biggest sale yet under his name. FML

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By nametag - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired because I abruptly hung up on my boss while being pulled over for talking in a hands free zone. I also got a $300 fine. FML

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By MichiganExile - United States

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

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By SomePeoplesKids - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

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By sigh - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

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By roomatewoes - United States - Northfield

Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML

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By Official_Person - United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

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By StupidPets - United States - Murrysville

Today, I saw my new pet fish completely missing the food at the bottom of his tank and sucking up the little rocks instead. My last dog died from eating rocks. I think I'm doomed to have insanely stupid pets. FML

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By Doctor!

Dr. House

Today, I found that I have a rare side effect to the hydrocodone prescribed after surgery. One pill keeps me up for almost 24 hours. Either I'm in tremendous pain and try to sleep, or I'm not in much pain and stay awake. I can't win. FML

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Top comments

By ArbiterOfFML | 24

#7467078 - Thursday 8 June 2017 7:45

Quite racist that is.

By tanman230 | 10

#7467336 - Thursday 8 June 2017 18:29

more like of his life cause of racist pricks like you

COMMENTS

By shinobi1414 | 4

#7460814 - Friday 26 May 2017 21:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

ari330 | 21

#7617161 - Friday 30 March 2018 8:48

You're a racist asshole, please don't reproduce

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902168 - Thursday 30 April 2020 13:38

People these days like you get on my nerves. And comments like this one get on my nerves too.

By ArbiterOfFML | 24

#7467078 - Thursday 8 June 2017 7:45

Quite racist that is.

By tanman230 | 10

#7467336 - Thursday 8 June 2017 18:29

more like of his life cause of racist pricks like you

By sammypooface | 11

#7525227 - Monday 7 August 2017 4:02

Try not to be so ignorant next time!

By InfiniteSecret | 20

#7540496 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 1:09

You 100% deserve this for big such an asshole racist

By sharond23 | 10

#7590537 - Thursday 25 January 2018 5:53

omg. you are a fucking racist idiot.

By cable | 6

#7663340 - Thursday 19 July 2018 4:11

you cant assume that people dont know more than one language. i know spanish and german. i know that not many americans can learn more than one language because they choose not to or they dont have the brain capacity to do it. just because you dont think you can learn another language doesnt mean that other people cant.

By emilee.grace | 1

#7892267 - Wednesday 25 March 2020 17:02

yall.. she was just trying to help. She assumed they didnt know english. Just because of a little mistake, doesnt mean she's racist

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902170 - Thursday 30 April 2020 13:39

Exactly! Are we the only ones who understand??

By Elisabetha Aarron | 18

#7943834 - Friday 9 October 2020 18:56

If they didn't speak English you speaking slowly wouldn't make them magically understand you.