Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group... - FML

By Tourist - United States

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84464

You deserved it

598428

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Mind your own beeswax

Reliable

By anonymous - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34995

You deserved it

2958

Tweet

Share

By Ulysse - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22931

You deserved it

8535

Tweet

Share

By alii2349 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48356

You deserved it

9983

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31130

You deserved it

3461

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25868

You deserved it

3216

Tweet

Share

By slingshot - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10655

You deserved it

27525

Tweet

Share

By Trama1201 - 4/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Boston

My short hair!

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1685

You deserved it

297

Tweet

Share

By abrooks88 - United States

Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29841

You deserved it

2037

Tweet

Share

By fml_anon - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16965

You deserved it

4176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8408

You deserved it

41140

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 05:02 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Can you hear me, Dave?

Today, my dad started Skype-ing with his long-distance friend. They’re both almost 90, barely have their hearing, and can't stop shouting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1006

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

By gmnesbitt - United States

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28891

You deserved it

2549

Tweet

Share

By maniac11 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31409

You deserved it

6546

Tweet

Share

By sammyxoxo - Canada

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36671

You deserved it

2756

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Summerfield

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29333

You deserved it

2745

Tweet

Share

By LadySteph12 - Canada

Today, the guy I was seeing put candles all over his room to make things romantic. As we were getting it on, a plastic bag caught fire next to the bed. He had the brilliant idea to wave it around to put it out. Burning pieces of plastic landed on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22193

You deserved it

3293

Tweet

Share

By thereisnobaby - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12058

You deserved it

748

Tweet

Share

By Too Late - 19/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Sheboygan

Hard test

Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

821

You deserved it

1936

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25511

You deserved it

3719

Tweet

Share

By Daniel_rules - United States

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

79495

You deserved it

9963

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Shawzy - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15017

You deserved it

23137

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31961

You deserved it

3747

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - United States

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31330

You deserved it

5865

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States

Today, the roads were OK, so I cleaned the ice and snow off my car so I could go out. I rolled my window down a little bit while I was driving to clear the snow off the base of the window. A chunk of ice flew off my hood, in through the window, and hit my eye. I then hit a snowbank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22088

You deserved it

5580

Tweet

Share

By solyana vr1 - United States

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23770

You deserved it

9298

Tweet

Share

By RickTheBoy - Canada - Toronto

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32390

You deserved it

50028

Tweet

Share

By Leslie - United States

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47025

You deserved it

2810

Tweet

Share

By owwie - United States

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35477

You deserved it

6048

Tweet

Share

By -insert clever nickname here- - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23421

You deserved it

14911

Tweet

Share

By Loose Ends - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14081

You deserved it

2759

Tweet

Share

By OompaLoompa - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16225

You deserved it

62136

Tweet

Share

By B1N

Today, I took a shower and went to put clothes on after, only to find no clothes in my closet. My mom took them all and hid them. No idea why. No idea when I will get them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

203

Tweet

Share

By fordn4h - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37403

You deserved it

5164

Tweet

Share

By kitty - Australia

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29737

You deserved it

2988

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, and the 4 months preceding it, my neighbors had been remodeling their house, which meant jackhammer noises every morning. The one day they take a break, my other neighbor decides to start a remodeling project. It'll only be two more months of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17239

You deserved it

1163

Tweet

Share

By kristajoy2001

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1658

You deserved it

297

Tweet

Share

By quitfuckingalready! - 4/9/2020 08:00 - United States

Let me go

Today, my request to move apartments was once again denied. My next door neighbor’s constant marijuana smoke wafts over every day, and the woman upstairs is pregnant with her sixth child. It’s like a herd of elephants living above me. They won’t let me out of my lease unless I pay a huge amount. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1482

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By AgentOrion - United States - Bessemer

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42148

You deserved it

5882

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28441

You deserved it

4002

Tweet

Share

By n0taplumber - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32710

You deserved it

4793

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ArbiterOfFML | 24

#7467078 - Thursday 8 June 2017 7:45

Quite racist that is.

By tanman230 | 10

#7467336 - Thursday 8 June 2017 18:29

more like of his life cause of racist pricks like you

COMMENTS

By shinobi1414 | 4

#7460814 - Friday 26 May 2017 21:30

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

ari330 | 21

#7617161 - Friday 30 March 2018 8:48

You're a racist asshole, please don't reproduce

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902168 - Thursday 30 April 2020 13:38

People these days like you get on my nerves. And comments like this one get on my nerves too.

By ArbiterOfFML | 24

#7467078 - Thursday 8 June 2017 7:45

Quite racist that is.

By tanman230 | 10

#7467336 - Thursday 8 June 2017 18:29

more like of his life cause of racist pricks like you

By sammypooface | 11

#7525227 - Monday 7 August 2017 4:02

Try not to be so ignorant next time!

By InfiniteSecret | 20

#7540496 - Wednesday 13 September 2017 1:09

You 100% deserve this for big such an asshole racist

By sharond23 | 10

#7590537 - Thursday 25 January 2018 5:53

omg. you are a fucking racist idiot.

By cable | 6

#7663340 - Thursday 19 July 2018 4:11

you cant assume that people dont know more than one language. i know spanish and german. i know that not many americans can learn more than one language because they choose not to or they dont have the brain capacity to do it. just because you dont think you can learn another language doesnt mean that other people cant.

By emilee.grace | 1

#7892267 - Wednesday 25 March 2020 17:02

yall.. she was just trying to help. She assumed they didnt know english. Just because of a little mistake, doesnt mean she's racist

Reply

Dandyboi | 7

#7902170 - Thursday 30 April 2020 13:39

Exactly! Are we the only ones who understand??

By Elisabetha Aarron | 18

#7943834 - Friday 9 October 2020 18:56

If they didn't speak English you speaking slowly wouldn't make them magically understand you.