Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage with a back massager, and as a joke I put it up against his butthole. He moaned louder than I've ever heard him moan and begged me to put it back. This can't be a good sign. FML
Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I had to give a massage to my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend as they got a couples’ massage. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML
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Top comments
nicesprites 4
are you sure he was your boyfriend?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Lol try rubbing something else next time(; or kick it...
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Comments (119)
iDorkieRawr 14
Lol. Boys are silly. :3
toryfee 0
is he gay? O.o
inestimable_fml 8
gay alert
justbigbs 6
I could use a neck massage about now after reading all of this site
element115 0
sigh (facepalm)
DakotaCat 4
Is OP a lobster? Cuz lobsters give awful neck massages..
joethemaggio 0
You probably just sucked at giving a massage. I've had bad massages that were so uncomfortable and weird that I said "no thanks I'm ok" that's what he should have said to you! cause it's more polite
123e3 0
wow what a fag
TeenieAmerica 9
Wow, that's rude. Even if it was a bad neck massage, no need to sulk all day about it. You should punch him in the jaw.
sikkar 0
Time to find you a "sane" BF that appreciates your "touch" !!