Intimacy: Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's...

By Anonymous - Austria

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36857

You deserved it

2838

Favorite

Intimacy

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Whackjobs 'R Us

Online classes can be tricky

By starstruck - France

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9330

You deserved it

17972

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2668

You deserved it

425

Favorite

By strandedguest - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25276

You deserved it

2854

Favorite

By Murphy’s Law - 4/3/2021 20:01 - United States - Troy

Operation time!

Today, I went to see the doctor for my daughter and myself. I fell two weeks ago, I thought I'd sprained my ankle but apparently I broke my leg instead. I’ve been limping around for two weeks. My daughter was sick, which is the only reason I got X-rayed. It may need screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

813

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By whattheshit - United States

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26108

You deserved it

2353

Favorite

By sama - 6/1/2021 11:03 - United States - San Jose

Assumptions

Today, I was asked why I have stretch marks when I’m skinny. The stretch marks are from when I was recovering anorexic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

795

You deserved it

Favorite

By disappointed - United States - West Fargo

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45887

You deserved it

5504

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57376

You deserved it

3857

Favorite

By No Action Fighter - United States

Freaked out

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26138

You deserved it

3406

Favorite

By Jacqueline H'ghar - New Zealand

Today, I missed my bus to the doctor's office for my scheduled pap test. I was so desperate, I called my deadbeat mom to ask for a ride. She said "Virgins don't need pap tests", laughed, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15766

You deserved it

1113

Favorite

By etgohome - Canada - Kingston

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42106

You deserved it

3615

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44320

You deserved it

6061

Favorite

By LonelyOtter

Today, one of my female friends decided she wants a relationship with my ex. I told her I was fine with it because we've been apart for years and have been friends ever since. She then made him chose between being friends with me and having her as a girlfriend. I just lost two of my few friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3312

You deserved it

237

Favorite

By Anonymous - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74099

You deserved it

3519

Favorite

By mellbelle32 - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43071

You deserved it

3475

Favorite

By MakeMeASandwich - United States

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57213

You deserved it

8896

Favorite

By Crypticbeerbelly

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5203

You deserved it

3708

Favorite

By wellthen - United States

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23496

You deserved it

2133

Favorite

By Wenny - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49288

You deserved it

2957

Favorite

By MartinGitGud - 13/3/2021 08:01

Real friends

Today, I was saying goodbye to all my close friends before I move out of state. I'd made plans with one friend in particular to meet up before I move away; he didn't bother to respond to my message or calls. Guess I confused a coworker for a friend, huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks

821

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By Mark - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4623

You deserved it

541

Favorite

By backwardsinlife - United States

Today, while in the drive-through for Taco Bell, I hit the car behind me after forgetting my car was in reverse. It was in reverse because I was worried the old lady in front of me was going to forget she was in reverse. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9391

You deserved it

45436

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw two extremely hot girls. I walked into their aisle and they looked at me and smiled. I stopped and pretended to look at something so I could listen to what they were saying. They started laughing and walked away. It turned out I was reading a box of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11496

You deserved it

51483

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lufkin

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30168

You deserved it

4143

Favorite

By Faker - United States

Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37888

You deserved it

1655

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 14:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

I CAN HEAR YOU

Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

745

You deserved it

102

Favorite

By Unclean

Missing the point

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months because I told him I loved him. Not because he felt any different than I did, but because the term "love" should be reserved for God, and not be said to mortals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1755

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By bingalingading - United States - Owosso

Today, I was working at a donation center. I was having a really rough day, so my fiancée dropped me off some cookies. At the end of my shift, the manager told me I couldn't take them home because they were donated and therefore they were "company property." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31398

You deserved it

2157

Favorite

By peachesthepigeon - United States

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30057

You deserved it

2657

Favorite

By haqL - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, my girlfriend brought a 12-pack of beer to my mother's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41466

You deserved it

4876

Favorite

By babysheets - Uruguay

Today, I washed my sheets. They wouldn't dry quick enough, so I had to use my old Buzz Lightyear sheets. My new girlfriend took it upon herself to become a damn psychic and pay me a surprise visit right there and then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25327

You deserved it

4338

Favorite

By zazadudu - France

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he went up the stairs, "It stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the bin. We can eat sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30716

You deserved it

3912

Favorite

By Lace - United States

Today, my husband just told me that he no longer loves me but keeps me around to handle his finances. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41036

You deserved it

3740

Favorite

By Anonymous - Chile

Today, I gave my boss the paperwork to approve my commissions for the month. She wouldn't sign it, saying, "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel that I've signed this before." She hasn't. I have no commission, and my boss is crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30489

You deserved it

2466

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4053

You deserved it

290

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25289

You deserved it

2616

Favorite

By LivingBroke

Sorry mate, you're on your own

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4084

You deserved it

455

Favorite

By SadBride - United States

Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29242

You deserved it

2455

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9300

You deserved it

1541

Favorite

By not a photographer - 21/6/2020 08:08

Mom gets some

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

125

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By saIty | 17

#2890710 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:51

He must have been very specific if it went on for 30 minutes.

By Soloman212 | 28

#2890690 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:48

How romantic! I'm sure the whole family enjoyed it. Did you ask for an encore?

COMMENTS

By Sniper3000 | 0

#2890659 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:44

that must have been horrible srry op

adamcole20 | 0

#2890786 - Thursday 14 July 2011 16:03

grandpas are awesome

tittymagic | 0

#2890882 - Thursday 14 July 2011 17:39

old people are the best.
kid: grandma will you please say grace?
grandma: oh grace died 10 years ago kid.
lol

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2890900 - Thursday 14 July 2011 18:06

And then I passionately squeezed her buns, and a fire erupted inside like a volcano bursting at the sunset. Our screams of joy brought forward the feeling of bliss and angry complaints from next door neighbors.

Tektite | 14

#2890994 - Thursday 14 July 2011 19:23

Just think of it this way OP... They were young at the time? lmao

lcecreamNSadness | 2

#2891995 - Thursday 14 July 2011 23:43

You too can do it when you become a grandmom.
And blame it on Karma.

dolphincheddar | 10

#2892795 - Friday 15 July 2011 1:34

is there any way I could obtain your grandpas autograph?

Crncj | 0

#2894227 - Friday 15 July 2011 4:22

smart. he was smart to right a o
poem about it. and they've been together for 60years or so? damn....

ollierobs | 0

#2894507 - Friday 15 July 2011 4:54

It puts the lotion on its skin...

skillz8 | 0

#2894533 - Friday 15 July 2011 4:57

23 Christmas vacation reference for the win

ShakeMeDown | 12

#2894672 - Friday 15 July 2011 5:10

I like how no one has noticed that she was 30 when she lost it..

ShakeMeDown | 12

#2894702 - Friday 15 July 2011 5:13

whoops I mean 20.. iPods are not good for typing

By orangeduck | 6

#2890671 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:46

Preach Grandma, preach! Praise da lord!

flavboarder | 9

#2891256 - Thursday 14 July 2011 21:50

that is soo gross, why even say that orange duck

smartypants96 | 3

#2895732 - Friday 15 July 2011 7:56

wtf dude thats nasty

By Soloman212 | 28

#2890690 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:48

How romantic! I'm sure the whole family enjoyed it. Did you ask for an encore?

berrenduh | 0

#2907326 - Saturday 16 July 2011 18:27

that's hilarious

bjdavey | 8

#2914112 - Sunday 17 July 2011 15:38

Haha This is the best FML I have ever heard!

By saIty | 17

#2890710 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:51

He must have been very specific if it went on for 30 minutes.

rattusrattus | 18

#2890996 - Thursday 14 July 2011 19:23

Here's hoping he's good. Or McGonnagall-level bad.

Complaining | 13

#2896982 - Friday 15 July 2011 11:20

Or just really slow and dramatic.

By shanie123 | 10

#2890712 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:51

ewwww fyl

Edwinadii | 4

#2897633 - Friday 15 July 2011 13:58

Your only saying eww cus u still imagine them like if they were 80.

shanie123 | 10

#2934838 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 3:20

i'm saying ewww bc i wouldn't want to hear about my parents, let alone my grandparents!

By blackrose01 | 6

#2890714 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:51

awkward.

By jamie72596 | 9

#2890719 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:51

Haha, awkward...

middlekid2 | 5

#3014078 - Monday 1 August 2011 11:38

Your cute:)

By babygirlc1 | 5

#2890725 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:52

vintage

MicMic_fml | 7

#2890899 - Thursday 14 July 2011 18:04

Black & white porn?

By rAnDomDiNoSaWr | 0

#2890737 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:53

ucky! so srry for you OP.

By IIIXIII | 0

#2890756 - Thursday 14 July 2011 15:56

ultimately hilarious really...