Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after waiting 3 months to see if I got the job I had applied for, I was told that they never received my application. Turns out that the email address that they told me to send it to was not being checked anymore and that they would be happy to consider me for the following year. FML
Today, after three interviews, I accepted an offer for my dream job and submitted my notice. The company called me to say they couldn't contact my referees and have now withdrawn the offer. I'm now officially unemployed. FML
Today, I've applied to 300 jobs in the past 4 months, gotten 7 interview, 2 of which have gone to a third round and I'm still unemployed. FML
Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML
Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML
Today, I've been job searching desperately for years. I'm always either rejected or the places just do not contact me, or they are too far away. No license and no cell service. Not even a Thanksgiving meal this year. I wanna give up. FML
Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML
Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML
Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML
Today, I have applied to over 50 different jobs in the last month. I have NOT received a call or email back from any of them. FML
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Top comments
davymac718 4
Time to find a new agency
foxman47 3
How bad does your resume have to suck for this to happen?
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Comments (96)
nater535 7
Perseverance will get you places in life!!!
Joshoa123 16
Professional bum.
Garytt 0
How do people live unemployeed for that long?
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Dumpster diving, panhandling, drug dealing, etc. The possibilities are endless when you're creative and/or willing to break a few laws.
thiscrazything 1
Government assistance
LadyLexi 0
Damn. That sucks. Try McDonalds? (no offense) And if THEY don't accept you..then...your ******.
TheFlyingMan 8
Ahah, woooow. Well, you know, what with the economy and such, and also, you might have a lot of competition as such and might not stand out. My advice? Use ALLCAPS. It works.
rexgar2000 10
if that's you in the pic.. do you need a male slave? lol jk
pitchblease 2
He is but I'm not.
TheFlyingMan 8
wut
perdix 31
YDI for NOT being a *****! That profession predates writing so I am sure you do not need a resume for that. After that long being unemployed, you become unemployable. Now you have to go in for humiliating unpaid internships and volunteer work to show that you can regularly show up for work. Then, you can attempt to find a paying gig.
False_Stupidity 42
Not always true, I was unemployed for a little over 3 years before landing the job I've now been doing for 5.
every1luvsboners 11
Using Cheech & Chong as your references probably doesn't look so good to potential employers.
RedPillSucks 33
That was a long time now.... Cheech is now a very successful actor and philanthropist. He was on "Lost", and "Law and Order", among other recent shows... As for Johnny Chong, well..... You have a point.... But his daughter is gorgeous!!! That's gotta count for something, right?
Qwermy 16
Chong started a successful business selling bongs (of course). He was then arrested (on grounds which can be considered entrapment). But his cellmate was Jordan Belfort. Yes, the Wolf of Wall Street himself. The more you know....
ScarletBloom 14
There must be a particular reason why nobody hires you.
Cairo_Sanchez 8
Maybe try updating your resume, simply changing it up can help.
HomeAl0ne 20
I suggest you use Comic Sans font, as that suggests a fun, unconventional personality. And add in a few of those modern looking clipart pics. Can you believe Microsoft just give them away for free!!! Then, print it on coloured paper (light purple is good), and for that personal touch draw little hearts over every 'i' in the text. Send this version in every day for a week, then ring them up and tell them you'll stop when they find you a job. Should do the trick.
DocBastard 40
You know you're a total loser when: - You tried to sign up for Match.com and eHarmony.com, but they both said "Go away. You're an asshole". - You got turned down for donating blood because they thought that you "just look like someone who would have hepatitis C". - The Salvation Army refused your donation because all your stuff was complete crap. - Homeless people start offering YOU money. - A job search agency can't find you a job after 3 years.
olpally 33
Docbastard's advice- priceless :D
stacianichole 2
Salvation Army turns down a lot of donations and throws away a lot of stuff. They're actually kind of picky... I worked there. :(
perdix 31
Doc, On a somewhat related note, I signed up on AshleyMadison.com as a 4'4", 300 lb female troll named something like "FuckOff." She gets a disturbing amount of attention. One guy offered to take her to a Packers game. I was trying to figure out how to disguise myself and go.
DocBastard 40
Perdix, have the guy mail the ticket to an anonymous post office box, and just go to the game. When the guy notices you aren't 4' 4", 300 pounds, or a woman, just tell him you just bought the ticket from a scalper matching that description. Bam, free Packers ticket.