Love: Today, the guy I've fallen for and have been dating on and off... - FML

By #[email protected]

Today, the guy I've fallen for and have been dating on and off for 2 years told me that he kept contacting me to re-connect because he missed hanging out with me, but didn't actually have any feelings for me. I already paid for a non-refundable weekend away as his Christmas present for us both. FML

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Instadrama

Small town blues

What did I do?

By Dr. Jack - United States

Today, my airline lost my luggage when I flew back from France. They also lost my luggage when I flew to France. FML

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By Anonymous

Fear factor

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Whitby

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

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By pmek - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

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By kherien - United States

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

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By possibly fucked - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

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By Notwanted - 20/4/2021 17:00

Where d'you all go?

Today, I found out why the group chat I was in with my friends has been dead. Apparently, they made a group chat without me in it, so that they could make fun of me behind my back. FML

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By Mel - United States

Today, I thought I'd finally make a step towards getting over my ex-fiancé by flirting with a cute waiter. I left him a note on the bill. He comes back, says "which one of you is [name]?" and leans down close to me to say, "Thanks for your note, but your card was declined." FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

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By bride - United States

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

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By DaisyMay - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

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By DrunkGirl - France

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

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By soon to be unemployed - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

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By Milo - Mexico - Mexico

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

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By Mandy - United States

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

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By latino - United States

Today, at the Museum I volunteer at, I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like. I started rolling the "boob" like a stress ball and forgot where I was. When I realized people were staring, it became very awkward. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

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By nottrustworthy - United States

Today, my wife of seven years told me that she doesn't trust me with dog-sitting her dog while she leaves to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with her family. She ended up calling someone she "trusts" to take care of her dog while I spend the holidays by myself. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn't even know existed. FML

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By TheLastGreatDope - United States - Winchester

Today, I received a random message on a dating app. It was the girl I'd always wanted to marry, but who disappeared from my life when we were younger. She went on and on about how much she missed me... and how much she wanted me to meet her husband and 3 kids. FML

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By no tp - United States

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

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By littlelia

Mirror, mirror…

Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

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By HomeChump - United States - Chicago

Today, I was so proud I'd fixed the toilet with a hardware store part without even having to call a plumber. As I happily put the lid back on the tank, I dropped the lid, which broke the tank, spilling water everywhere. Now I need a new toilet, a new floor, and I have to call the plumber. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

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By denting-and-venting - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found a parking spot in front of my work. I parked and another car pulled into the spot just in front of me. The next thing I know, the car in front backs up and slams into my car. Turns out she didn't notice the fire hydrant next to her spot and screamed at me cause I, "stole her spot." FML

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By Mojo - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By Mothertucker

Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML

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By maidmyday - United States

Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

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By S. Bauer - Portugal

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

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By lonerboner - United States

Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML

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By StarvedForAffection - 13/1/2021 17:01 - United States - Midlothian

Good girl

Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML

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By AgathedeBlouse - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

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By O-|---<=~ - United States - Bellingham

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

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By MrGullible

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

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By how many?!

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

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Top comments

By Rebekah Knight | 7

#7743905 - Thursday 27 December 2018 16:54

Take someone else?

By IcedSapphire | 27

#7744127 - Thursday 27 December 2018 23:36

Take a sister/best friend with instead, that way you can genuinely enjoy your trip.

COMMENTS

By Rebekah Knight | 7

#7743905 - Thursday 27 December 2018 16:54

Take someone else?

By IcedSapphire | 27

#7744127 - Thursday 27 December 2018 23:36

Take a sister/best friend with instead, that way you can genuinely enjoy your trip.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7744153 - Friday 28 December 2018 0:54

Get your bestie and go anyway!

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#7744198 - Friday 28 December 2018 3:41

Were you really dating before, or just hanging out? Either way, welcome to friend zone.

By Gofuckyourself | 24

#7752809 - Monday 14 January 2019 2:00

Isn't it common sense to have these talks before assuming theres a label? I mean, come on girl! Go on the trip with a close girlfriend, sister, or your mom or something and let him go. If he wanted you, he would have had you. Do not put up with someone who is confused as f*ck. YOU can do better!

By millsjoshua949 | 12

#7936488 - Monday 7 September 2020 6:28

How come all these trips for a significant others are nonrefundable?