Love: Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude...

By badbitch23 - United States - Killeen

Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML

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badbitch23 tells us more :

Op here, okay my wife's mother died 2 weeks beforehand and my mom thought it would be funny to make a joke out of it. So yes the punch was for sure justified. I haven't spoke to my mom since and I'm happily married with my wife.

Love

BO Central

Expanding universe

Munchausen by proxy

By dogs_and_toucans - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 10 months moved to Europe and we may never see each other again, so I gave her a $200 sterling silver heart necklace as a goodbye present. She gave me a pack of gum. Cinnamon, which I'm allergic to. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a stranger yelled, "Non-believers shouldn't wear these!" He then took my rosary and ran off. It belonged to my dead brother. FML

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6324

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By Username

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

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30905

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Ramon

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

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35822

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By UnwantedDisappointment

Today, I accidentally saw my boyfriend's sexts to a guy he's friends with. He's been turning me down for sex for months. FML

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2763

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By ByeByeBirdie - United States - Montgomery

Today, I'd had enough of the annoying bird constantly singing in the shrillest bird voice possible outside of my window, so I chased it around the yard, shooing it away, as my cat sat there and watched. FML

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By aw-wtf - United States

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

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71065

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By MY fault!?

Today, my mom invited my asshole cousin to my daughter's 10th birthday party, saying that this is the best time for me to apologize for having him imprisoned 3 years ago. He’s the same cousin who held my daughter hostage after the cops cornered him in a drug bust. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

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By firedofbirthday - France

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

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By thats_not_good - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

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By Axlgrows

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Peoria

Today, I finally came out to my dad, who is a priest, as gay. He responded by splashing me with holy water to "banish the demon within" me. FML

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4533

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By thisistypical - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband said he loaned to his "mother" actually went to the purchase of new lingerie for the woman he's cheating on me with. I just got the bill from the department store. FML

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47346

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By Hm - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I was sitting in the airport, watching the baggage handlers load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it, one bag came open and all the clothes spilled out onto the tarmac. The clothes looked familiar. They were mine. FML

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33863

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By Anonymous - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

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28923

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By CandlesSuck - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

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By Sam - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

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By FrOsTy25

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

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By killer - United States

Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML

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By Pushover - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me. I punched him in the face, he broke up with me. And I still had to cook him an entire turkey dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 08:02 - Netherlands - Almere

People are people

Today, after almost 2 months of working from home alone, I was out walking and heard 2 guys talking. One was sitting in his car smoking weed; the other was standing next to the car telling him how he was tested positive today. Maybe not mention you are Covid positive when you're not supposed to be in public at all. FML

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By elena02 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

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23349

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By Gribby - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

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By Blah

Unloveable

Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 23:01

Like the beginning of a porno

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

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20790

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By NotAmericanIdol - United States

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Nice try

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to meet the girl he has been cheating on me with. He thinks it makes the cheating more understandable if I see how 'hot' she is. FML

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By Anonymous

3spooky5me

Today, I stayed the night at a friend's house for the first time. I went to get water from the kitchen when I saw a cat staring at me. I looked back and it ran off. I told my friend about it. He doesn’t have a cat. FML

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By seamonkeys - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

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By Tinker-Bell - France

Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother-in-law. FML

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By apparentlytoofat - 26/4/2020 05:00

Superficial World

Today, my husband said he thinks of me as more of a roommate than a romantic interest, and he’s wouldn't be that attracted to me unless I lose another 20 pounds. I was just celebrating that I’d lost 5 pounds already in April. Stress makes it harder to lose weight. FML

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By Harry641 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

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By cat-astrophic - United Kingdom

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

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35994

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By Anonymous

Today, I returned home from my honeymoon and met my dad for coffee. He told me he's been seeing someone and he's so happy. It's my new mother-in-law. They moved in together during my wedding weekend. FML

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4543

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By huulo

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

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Top comments

By rgriff27 | 19

#6479860 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:28

Can I be invited to Christmas dinner?

By Gabbrill | 11

#6479857 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:24

If you say finally, I'd say you deserve it. Since it sounds like you think it's about time!

COMMENTS

By Gabbrill | 11

#6479857 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:24

If you say finally, I'd say you deserve it. Since it sounds like you think it's about time!

blazingshot147 | 19

#6481441 - Thursday 10 December 2015 2:25

Cat fighting to a whole new level... But you do know that many mothers are not ones to correct right? Its just not worth the pain in the ass ya know?

By laxtax | 19

#6479859 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:26

Wow, judging by your username your mom deserved it, but still that sucks. Family get togethers must be awk now

By rgriff27 | 19

#6479860 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:28

Can I be invited to Christmas dinner?

derangedplanet | 23

#6479892 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:32

yeah we can bring wine and popcorn XD

BrailynRaylynn | 22

#6479928 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 12:24

I'll bring the video cameras!

Badkarma4u | 17

#6480016 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 15:32

Woooooorldstaaaaar

vikky538 | 28

#6480143 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 17:41

And some sucker punches by OP's wife.

sarahfoundnemo | 10

#6480300 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 20:31

I'll bring a first aid kit too.... just in case

Honest_Guy | 10

#6480332 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 21:07

What about Fruit/Hawaiian Punch?

MankDemes | 15

#6480386 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 22:22

There's gonna be an RKO outta nowhere right across the ham

By thaqueen_fml | 15

#6479861 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:29

Oh don't you just love it when the family comes together?

By KoalaBek | 23

#6479862 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:31

I agree, your wife sucks.

SpawnofAthena | 16

#6479869 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:39

I think that means his wife is awesome. Right?

Sangue0608 | 26

#6479914 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 12:01

I don't believe their sexual relationship was mentioned @5...

yerawizardlizzy | 27

#6480007 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 15:13

27, not everything is an innuendo.

Exobadger | 15

#6480180 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 18:31

5/27 your comments are opinions formed from misinterpretation, so stop commenting, please.

leogachi | 15

#6480227 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 19:18

@59 The comment from #5 was a pun. Maybe you're the one who should stop commenting.

By hellnosucka | 27

#6479863 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:31

can I bring the crew and produce a reality TV show at your house please?

By snoopynicole2003 | 15

#6479865 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:35

She's a keeper!!!

By Danishduckling | 20

#6479867 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:39

I could really use a "HELL YEAH!" button.

By Matteo_G | 16

#6479871 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:40

sounds like you are happy about that, why even call it a FML?

By ELoni_fml | 25

#6479878 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:03

In case you needed one more reason to love your wife

derangedplanet | 23

#6479889 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:31

I think this may be just the perfect example of a perfect pair