Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude...

By badbitch23 - 7/12/2015 23:21 - United States - Killeen

Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML

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badbitch23 Say more :

Op here, okay my wife's mother died 2 weeks beforehand and my mom thought it would be funny to make a joke out of it. So yes the punch was for sure justified. I haven't spoke to my mom since and I'm happily married with my wife.

Love

Fear factor

Emergency haircut

Abuse

By QuickieGirl - 16/9/2011 11:28 - United States

Today, I realized my girlfriend thinks that the goal of sex is to get it over with as quickly as possible. FML

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By f - 9/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

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By i fking love docb - 4/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

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By Joshua Sheldon - 19/9/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2014 04:04 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

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By AAnonymous - 5/11/2014 13:57 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

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By the_pheasant66 - 26/6/2010 10:31 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

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By the fish - 30/1/2019 04:00

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

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By dukebluedevils13 - 5/8/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2019 16:09

Today, I was using a disabled toilet. I'm disabled partly because of spinal problems. While I was doing my business, the whole toilet fell to the floor, leaving me sitting in a puddle of my own urine and smashed porcelain, with even more spinal problems. FML

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By Late marriage - 24/8/2017 14:00 - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

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By PokeWife - 6/2/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

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By pornstorebitch - 23/10/2019 00:01

Knock yourself out, dude

Today, I got told I was a bitch because I wouldn’t let a homeless man dig through my dumpster at work, even though he was hungry. We don’t even sell food. I work at a sex store. FML

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By coppervains - 22/2/2014 18:13 - United States - Livonia

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

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By InNeedOfFriends - 12/4/2013 00:00 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2014 22:46 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

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By firegirl - 5/7/2018 15:00

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

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By oldtimerclark - 21/6/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

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By GlassPwn - 19/12/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2010 18:33 - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2014 19:44 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

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By ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER - 29/1/2016 21:19 - United States - East Greenbush

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

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By ahhhhhh - 12/2/2015 17:23 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

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By lostandconfused - 31/5/2019 05:00

Today, I was teaching a class of 17-year-old Japanese boys English. Tripping over a school bag, I caught my foot in the bottom of my very loose elastic trousers. I pulled them down with my foot as I stumbled, exposing my underwear to all 40 students. FML

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By I'm Trading Up For A Dog - 14/12/2014 20:28 - Finland - Pori

Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for an exhibition. When I came back from lunch, my cat was perched above it on my desk. He looked at me, then down at the painting, then jumped down onto it. He slipped and smeared the wet paint everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

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By anonymous - 14/8/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML

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By naughtymommy0317 - 20/6/2013 08:47 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2016 21:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, two months into my new marketing job, I presented my first webinar live to over 300 people. Half the audience complained about the horrible sound quality, saying all they could hear was a Mickey Mouse squeaky sound. Turns out it wasn't the sound quality, it was my voice. FML

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By cutiepatootie - 3/1/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

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By meganridner - 4/8/2011 16:05 - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

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By "doyouwantmedead" - 21/8/2017 12:00 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I asked my mom if I could go to a friend's birthday. She said no, claiming I had been to too many this year already. I'd only been to one. It was my own. FML

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By badwolf - 4/9/2012 20:34 - United States

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

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By mama - 30/6/2019 07:09

Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to have a "rugrat." FML

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By say my name - 1/7/2012 01:35

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2011 09:12 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in the market for a new girlfriend. How? He used my credit card to sign up for 3 dating sites. FML

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By fuckit - 31/1/2013 20:27 - Italy - Rome

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

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Top comments

By rgriff27 | 19

#6479860 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:28

Can I be invited to Christmas dinner?

By Gabbrill | 11

#6479857 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:24

If you say finally, I'd say you deserve it. Since it sounds like you think it's about time!

Comments

By Gabbrill | 11

#6479857 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:24

If you say finally, I'd say you deserve it. Since it sounds like you think it's about time!

blazingshot147 | 19

#6481441 - Thursday 10 December 2015 2:25

Cat fighting to a whole new level... But you do know that many mothers are not ones to correct right? Its just not worth the pain in the ass ya know?

By laxtax | 19

#6479859 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:26

Wow, judging by your username your mom deserved it, but still that sucks. Family get togethers must be awk now

By rgriff27 | 19

#6479860 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:28

Can I be invited to Christmas dinner?

derangedplanet | 23

#6479892 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:32

yeah we can bring wine and popcorn XD

BrailynRaylynn | 22

#6479928 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 12:24

I'll bring the video cameras!

Badkarma4u | 17

#6480016 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 15:32

Woooooorldstaaaaar

vikky538 | 28

#6480143 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 17:41

And some sucker punches by OP's wife.

sarahfoundnemo | 10

#6480300 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 20:31

I'll bring a first aid kit too.... just in case

Honest_Guy | 10

#6480332 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 21:07

What about Fruit/Hawaiian Punch?

MankDemes | 15

#6480386 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 22:22

There's gonna be an RKO outta nowhere right across the ham

By thaqueen_fml | 15

#6479861 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:29

Oh don't you just love it when the family comes together?

By KoalaBek | 23

#6479862 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:31

I agree, your wife sucks.

SpawnofAthena | 16

#6479869 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:39

I think that means his wife is awesome. Right?

Sangue0608 | 26

#6479914 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 12:01

I don't believe their sexual relationship was mentioned @5...

yerawizardlizzy | 27

#6480007 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 15:13

27, not everything is an innuendo.

Exobadger | 15

#6480180 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 18:31

5/27 your comments are opinions formed from misinterpretation, so stop commenting, please.

leogachi | 15

#6480227 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 19:18

@59 The comment from #5 was a pun. Maybe you're the one who should stop commenting.

By hellnosucka | 27

#6479863 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:31

can I bring the crew and produce a reality TV show at your house please?

By snoopynicole2003 | 15

#6479865 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:35

She's a keeper!!!

By Danishduckling | 20

#6479867 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:39

I could really use a "HELL YEAH!" button.

By Matteo_G | 16

#6479871 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 10:40

sounds like you are happy about that, why even call it a FML?

By ELoni_fml | 25

#6479878 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:03

In case you needed one more reason to love your wife

derangedplanet | 23

#6479889 - Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:31

I think this may be just the perfect example of a perfect pair