Today, my two year-old has learned new things from his best friend. His best friend is our dog. He's learned to eat dog food, lick people, and now he's started taking off his diaper to lift his leg and pee. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my 2-year-old son figured out that if he takes his pull-up off and DOESN'T go on the potty, he can pee all over things. FML
Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML
Today, my two year-old is being potty trained. He got the gist of it and actually did #1 and #2 in the potty and after our little celebratory dance, I went to get him a cookie (which took me two seconds). I come back to see him covered in shit and pee because he tried to go empty the potty himself. FML
Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML
Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML
Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
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Top comments
Nabexis 9
On the bright side, you now have hilarious stories to tell his future romantic partner when he brings them to meet you.
kirkaygri 18
How does this have upvotes? All kids mimic animals. It has nothing to do with parenting. My kid barked at the doorbell at that age. I run a daycare and deal with a lot of kids. I currently have a two year old in my care, and just yesterday he was laying on the ground next to my dog, mimicking my dog. The dog would roll over, the kid would roll over. It's what kids do. The peeing thing is weird, that I'll admit, but the rest is normal two year old activity and shouldn't be used to judge parenting.
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Comments (30)
fyvaprold 11
Wait till he learns to lick his balls.
katjohn11 6
He desperately needs baby human friends.
Lsalt007 6
Does he greet other kids by sniffing their bungholes?
Lsalt007 6
You can't be offended if someone calls him "a son of a b*tch" anymore
IorvethTheXolo 8
People are weird. "More human play dates" and "spend more time with your kid"... Kids just do weird shit. I had human playdates ALL the time when I was that age, yet I still mimicked the dog. We all did. Some kids ran around acting like what we were told dinosaurs acted like. Others were lions or horses or dogs or cats or whatever animal we felt like pretending we were. Kids also put all kinds of things in their mouth. Back when I still had kibble fed dogs, we caught my brothers (who also had tons of human play dates) snacking on dog food and, once, the youngest gnawing on a pig ear. Kids get out of sight once in a while. People aren't perfect. Life isn't perfect. No one seems to get all pissy when they see pictures of kids covered in marker ink or finger paints. Do you really think the adult sat there and LET them make a mess of themselves? More often than not, the kid got into the markers unsupervised. As adults, we try not to let the kids get out of sight to put themselves ind anger or get themselves in trouble, but I don't know any perfect people.
wordygirl 11
If he's able to do all that surely you can teach him to sit on a potty chair. I believe the kids ready now.
writerchic85 26
Rub his nose in it
jvanevery 19
LOL
elmtx91 3
My parents have a picture of me staring our dog down over his bowl of food when I was maybe 9 months old. They made a point to show it to my college boyfriend the first time they met him!
randybryant799 21
So are you correcting him or just complaining. Cause he's not going to stop unless you teach him.