Miscellaneous: Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 192

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 122

26/01/2010 18:55

Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 283

You deserved it 8 685

Hiding from the drama

Another great day to be alive

Freaked out

30/11/2015 02:47

Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 250

You deserved it 1 419

05/08/2015 18:58

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 868

You deserved it 2 860

31/03/2015 03:52

Today, it was my first day working as a dental assistant, leaving me in charge of all cleaning. The first patient was so scared, he peed his pants. Which might have been understandable if he hadn't been a fully grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 426

You deserved it 2 458

06/08/2009 05:28

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 984

You deserved it 3 062

25/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 631

You deserved it 613

31/12/2015 18:55

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 036

You deserved it 1 599

01/10/2013 20:25

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 483

You deserved it 3 314

23/03/2011 16:16

Today, I quit my job and sent a mass mail on Facebook that I was moving to a different state with my long time boyfriend. He called me later that night to tell me we aren't moving after all. Now we are both jobless with loads of bills to pay by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 670

You deserved it 23 027

18/02/2018 01:30

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 326

You deserved it 5 473

28/12/2018 06:00

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 085

You deserved it 474

13/03/2013 14:41

Today, I found out why the parents whose children I babysit use me so often and on such short notice. It's not because they have abrupt nights out; it's because their kids hate me, and me being around is their way of punishing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 212

You deserved it 3 767

Womens' pockets liberation now!

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 21:03

Today, I had to give in and order men's jeans, just so I could have functional pockets. Ordinarily not a problem, except I have wide hips and a suitable size doesn't seem to exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 99

High expectations

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was super flattered to find out that one of my former white collar colleagues recommended me for a job. It wasn’t until the phone interview that I realized it was at the lunch counter at her new office building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 71

24/09/2010 04:53

Today, I finally got everything in order to ask out the girl of my dreams. I bought her a gold necklace, engraved with our names, and with the date on the back. Everything was going great until she got sick and had to go home. Now I'm stuck with this necklace with the wrong date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 638

You deserved it 53 202

05/08/2009 15:21

Spicy

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 886

You deserved it 5 432

02/11/2010 16:26

Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 343

You deserved it 28 723

01/07/2014 03:59

Today, at my grandparent's funeral, we were waiting for the pastor. He was fashionably late because he couldn't find his sunglasses and had gone to buy new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 292

You deserved it 3 335

26/01/2017 14:28

Today, since moving to a state with relatively milder winters last year, my heating bill has more than doubled. I am now paying more to keep my new apartment at 62 when it is 20 outside, than what I was paying to keep my ancient apartment at 70 when it was minus 14 outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 874

You deserved it 454

28/02/2012 21:03

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 496

You deserved it 36 881

14/06/2016 15:23

Today, my mom took away my car, phone, dog, laptop and college fund because I told her she lets me down sometimes. I'm moving to Arizona for college in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 036

You deserved it 2 541

For real though?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2017 08:00

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 339

You deserved it 647

15/02/2011 10:21

Today, I was in my car and stopped at a red light. A homeless woman then started to throw rocks at my car for no apparent reason. I drive a convertible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 609

You deserved it 4 958

06/06/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 584

You deserved it 1 022

08/03/2009 05:36

Spicy

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 538

You deserved it 86 719

30/09/2010 08:04

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 626

You deserved it 3 193

27/11/2012 23:46

Today, a customer at the Walmart I work at had a hissy fit and began throwing merchandise everywhere, including at my face, because we are Canadian and don't have a show called "Extreme Couponing" for "devoted shoppers" like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 291

You deserved it 1 802

23/02/2011 09:18

Today, I had to sell my phone to pay for the phone bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 992

You deserved it 28 237

23/06/2015 03:13

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 292

You deserved it 2 630

17/06/2013 05:42

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 413

You deserved it 5 406

Great plan. Solid.

By Monagro - 14/09/2017 07:00

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me to propose by telling me that the sooner we get married, the sooner she'll get pregnant and hence the sooner we can eat the placenta. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 964

You deserved it 375

08/11/2018 14:00

Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 536

08/12/2014 02:12

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 741

You deserved it 4 887

17/04/2016 18:48

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 563

You deserved it 7 276

06/08/2019 00:01

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 189

Jimin causing drama time!

By Callie - 06/12/2020 20:02

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 113

28/06/2016 17:09

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 315

You deserved it 909

03/09/2012 20:20

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 575

You deserved it 4 805

Tindersticks

By noluckthere - 10/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 343

02/05/2017 00:11

Today, I served my good friend and his girlfriend at the restaurant where I work. They did a "dine and dash". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 313

You deserved it 386

19/03/2009 23:31

Spicy

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 518

You deserved it 14 375

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:24

"Hey, dude, we're throwing you a surprise birthday party. We're waiting for you." "OK, I'm on my way to a party and I have no idea where it is." I see 3 things wrong with that conversation: 1) He spoiled the surprise 2) He didn't tell you where the party was 3) You didn't bother to ask where the party was

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:12

They sent you a text to tell you they were ready to surprise you with a birthday party?

Comments

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:12

Well you shouldn't be mad... it's your own fault

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 0:04

How is it the OPs fault? Her brother should have told her where it was.

JoshTheMaggot 8

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 1:11

she assumed. it's her fault she could have asked where it was. sorry by ydi for not asking questions

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:12

They sent you a text to tell you they were ready to surprise you with a birthday party?

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 6:47

I don't understand how this was a surprise party. So confused =(

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:12

F1RST P0ST

SYstEMatIC_CHaOS 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:14

FAIL. lol

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:16

maybe not quite first. grr stupid anti flood protection messages. ydi for liking justin beiber. and watching soaps. and posting an fml

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:29

For any more idiots thinking about screaming FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, etc: if it's me patrolling the recent comments while you do it, you'll get a warning on your account, as well as ban time that increases with every similar offence you commit. That is all.

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:13

why the hell would you think it's at your sisters house? why didn't you ask?

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:51

Because his brother-in-law called him. Your brother-in-laws tend to be married to either your brother or your sister.

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:51

cuz it's probably fake, (and against the rules for me to say so, but ya know. :-P Not my place to judge.)

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 0:02

Or be your husband's brother, which means it could be at either place.

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 1:31

It was her brother-in-law by her sister. Those details are in the FML. She should have asked, but it's not unreasonable to assume that the party would be at the place of the person telling you about the party. Driving 2 hours when everyone is already ready for your arrival is what wouldn't have made sense to me.

Erniesduck123 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:20

Ok, depending on how close you actually live to your parents, this is ridiculous. If you live less than an hour away from your parents', why didn't anyone call or text you a second time to be like, "dude, where are you?"

PurpleKuSh_fml 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:22

@6 man shut tha fuck up u imature lil bitch n stop fuckin talkin shit. shit I kno I wudda been pissed off

alexandraa_fml 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:28

LOL what did I say? I'll request that the local mental health clinic send you a pamphlet. Oh wait, let me write that so you can read it, " ILL recuest tht tha locul mntl health clinik sen u ah pamplet son, wurd."

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:24

"Hey, dude, we're throwing you a surprise birthday party. We're waiting for you." "OK, I'm on my way to a party and I have no idea where it is." I see 3 things wrong with that conversation: 1) He spoiled the surprise 2) He didn't tell you where the party was 3) You didn't bother to ask where the party was

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:26

That's exactly what I was thinking.

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:54

and how exactly did they expect him to go to the right house if it was a surprise. Wouldn't he just go to his own home without the aforementioned knowledge, so why weren't they at his house instead of his mothers? I mean...isn't the surprise that he wouldn't know they were planning on seeing him so they work around his schedule and surprise him...not lure him over there... it doesn't make sense,

containsnosoy 0

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 0:12

Yeah, if it were to be a surprise the OP wouldn't of known about it, but apparently they did. That's the beauty in #12's comment.

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:39

THEY ATE YOUR CAEK!!!!!!!!!

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:47

The cake is a lie.

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 0:02

portal reference ftw!

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:48

Is "ate my cake" a metaphor for some wild sex move?

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 0:03

hahahaha

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Wednesday 27 January 2010 0:05

LOL

packerboy1280 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 23:59

agreed #12